The Desert Eagle
by Kvaker81
Summary: When the things don't go back to normal between Naomi and Emily after the TL speech, Emily decides to leave Bristol to try and repair her own life.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note**** :**** So, I was sitting one day at work reading some fanfiction and suddenly this idea popped in my head. This is my first story ever, and I hope you like it. I want to say thank you to_ lazyboo_ for reading through and encouraging me; and to_ reddawg82_ for doing the beta. I hope you like it :-)**

**Obviously, I don't own Emily Fitch and Skins...I wish I did.**

**The Desert Eagle**

Chapter 1.

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I wake up with a funny mix of excited anticipation and anxiety. I know what's going to happen today. This is the day I put everything happened to me in past 18 years aside and start a brand new life. At least I hope I can push all pain out of my life for the next 3 months.

You see, I have to get out of Bristol. It holds so many awful memories that I just can't seem to be able to let go. I tried. I really did. After Naomi confessed her love for me at that shed party I thought everything's going to get back to normal. But there's no normal for us. I don't think there ever was normal. All we knew was pain with a small amount of happiness in this mess. We kept hurting each other over and over again, and now we both need to heal. I love her. I know she loves me. But I have to get out of here before we hurt each other more. I need to get away from the only person I ever loved and the one person that hurt me the most.

So that's why I'm sitting on the plane hoping to start life from a blank page.

I'm going to a place nobody will even think of looking for me - I'm going to Israel. I heard about it from a friend. His older brother went to volunteer in Kibbutz in Israel for half a year. I had to do a research on this and now it looks like a perfect opportunity for me to escape. From what I've heard, I'll live in a village far away from civilization, working long hours and just trying to heal myself in a spare time. It'll be perfect. I just need to stop thinking about her.

I watch outside the window and all I can see is blue and white. The blue is all over me, it swallows me and I feel like I'm choking. Blue is everywhere and I feel a hot tear sliding down my cheek as I realize that I won't see the blue of her eyes ever again. I know I won't, because I'm not coming back to Bristol.

Fuck, I miss Katie. My irritating bitch of a sister. She almost killed me when I told her I'm leaving. I understand, we've just started to repair our own relationship. We were enemies for so long, it's really hard for me to leave her. But I have to do it. I owe Katie a stronger sister, not the mess I've been for last year. Katie is the only person I'm really going to miss. Ok, so she's not the only one, but I don't want to think about the blue and I won't. I need to come back stronger as a person, I need to rebuild myself. I know I won't be able to do it with Naomi. I need to get away from her.

The blue is still surrounding me. I wish we'd fall into the clouds, I don't want to see blue. I put earbuds in my ears and try to lose myself in music. It's not working. How can I lose myself if the only thing I hear is Blondie? I really need to change my playlist. I pull the earbuds out and try to watch a TV instead. At least it's not something that'll remind me of her. She doesn't watch TV except of news and political programs.

I check my watch. I still have 2 hours of the flight and all I can think about is her. She's everywhere. I wonder if I'll ever be able to let her go. I feel another tear making its way down my cheek and that's when the stewardess asks me if everything's alright. I tell her I'm fine and ask her to bring me some water. She looks at me with pity in her eyes and I want to punch her. I don't want to cry and I don't need anyone's pity. My life might be shit, but I'll repair it.

Actually, fuck the water. I need some wine. If I'm going to try to be brave, I really can use some help from the wine. It doesn't really matter that it's only 7AM now, I did it before. There were weeks me and Naomi spent stoned, each in her own corner, trying to hurt each other because of our own pain. Nobody ever hurt me like she did. But I know I hurt her too. She deserved it, though. She deserved everything I put her through. I take my wine and start sipping it. I look outside and I don't see any blue. All I see is white. I close the window, because really – how long can you watch the white?

I check my watch again. Another hour left before we land. I decide to watch the people. They are all different, they speak different languages, but they all seem so happy to go to Israel. I see tourists and others, they're more confident than me, they're going home. I want to meet new people. I want to see new places. I just want to feel alive. Lately it feels more like surviving, not living. We tried to survive through our love and pain, and it didn't work very well. Life should be easier. It will be. I'll make sure it will.

I hear some shuffling in front of my seat and a head with curly brown hair pops up. It's a little boy, maybe 5 or 6 years old, and he reminds me so much of JJ. The boy's big green eyes stare at me very intently for a couple of seconds and then his face breaks in the most adorable grin I've ever seen. He says something to me, but I don't understand it. I think it was Hebrew. He says more, and then an older girl's face pops up. She eyes me curiously and points her finger to my hair.

"Red," – she says with a very hard accent – "Amit asks why your hair is so red".

I grin back at them. My hair has always been my most recognizable feature. How can I explain in not so many words why is my hair so red?

"I just want people to see me in the crowd" – I say to them, and it's true. I want people to see me in the crowd, I want people to get to know me for who I am. Red hair always made me feel different.

The girl translates my words to a boy and his grin grows even bigger. He's so genuine, I want to scoop him in my arms and hug him until we land. We keep smiling to each other, I know I look like a loon, but I don't care. This boy reminds me of my younger self, his smile is contagious and he looks happy. I was happy once. I need to remind myself how to be happy.

The pilot's voice tells us that we'll be landing in 15 minutes. I start to feel excited butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I really am nervous because I have no idea what this trip will bring me to. I know what I want to happen, but is it really going to work as I wish? Am I going to be able to survive in such a different country? Katie always told me I'm the strong one, but I'm chickening out right now. I have to be brave. Oh my god. OH MY GOD…

We're landing safely and the plane crowd starts to clap. They clap and cheer and look genuinely happy. Everybody starts to move, bumping into each other, laughing and cursing. I take my hand bag and move with the crowd outside. I get out of the plane and suddenly I can't breath. Breathe, Emily, breathe…

Where the hell did all the air go?

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**Review please? **


	2. Chapter 2

  
>Chapter 2<p>.<p>

Where the hell did all the air go?

It definitely feels like hell. What is it, 40 degrees now, at 8AM? It's hard to breathe. I feel like I'm burning from inside. Well, I definitely didn't expect it to be so hot. After Bristol's rains it's a huge change. All the clouds I've seen from the plane have disappeared. The skies are crystal blue. The sun's blinding, and I start fumbling in my bag for my glasses. The air is so different here. It's really hot, but clear. No wind, not even a small breeze. I stand under the sun and wait for the bus to take us to the airport. I need to out of this heat right now. I hope there is air conditioning in the airport…

Okay, it takes too long for that bus to come. I take out a fag and light it. The smoke feels good, although it still feels like the air's burning my lungs. But the smoke makes me relax a bit. I finish my fag and throw it away. Then I feel someone bumping into me and as I look down, I see the same little boy with curly hair smiling at me. I look around and sure enough I see more kids running and playing with each other. They seem so careless, so free. I used to be like them once, before Katie decided we should grow up faster. I remember little me running around with my dad until I'd lose my breath, and then he'd catch me and tickle me until I had tears running freely down my cheeks. Those were the happy tears, the ones that stopped when we turned seven. Katie said we're big girls already, and we should get boyfriends and start wearing heels and make-up. She started pushing me in her shadow, deciding everything for me. I am not the same Emily anymore, I'm not that shy and reserved girl. I think I grew up to be pretty confident in past year.

I'm brought back to a present by a little hand slipping in my own. The boy starts swinging our hands and I feel a tear sliding down my cheek. I want to be that little careless Emily for few more minutes, just to remember that beautiful feeling. I wipe the tear with my free hand, trying to feel boy's energy through our joined hands. I need to be strong now. I need to meet a person who'll take me to the place I'm going to spend next 3 months. I feel the boy letting go of my hand, smiling at me and running away. I think I'm going to be alright after all.

The bus is finally here and we're taken to the airport. The passports check is really fast and I'm waiting for my bags way too soon. I didn't take much stuff with me, so I only have two bags. I go to the exit and start searching for the person that has to take me to the Kibbutz. There is really a big crowd and it takes a bit of time until I spot a tall guy with a long brown hair holding a piece of paper with my name. I guess, this is my cue. I wave to the guy and walk over. He smiles at me.

"Hello, Emily?" – He says, dragging his eyes all over my body with a goofy smile. God, the guy's disgusting. – "My name's Tal. I'm sorry, but we have to wait for another plane to land in 5 hours before we can go to our Kibbutz. There are 2 more people we have to collect, they're coming from Sweden. So now we're going to a Kibbutz close to the airport so you can rest a bit and have a lunch. Alright?"

Okay, that was unexpected. I didn't know there were a lot of volunteers here, but I guess I was wrong. At least I won't be the only newbie there. Comforting, isn't it?

Tal takes my bags and walks away, not waiting for me to follow. What's up with people around here, why does everything have to be so fast? We're out of the gates and again I have trouble breathing. He doesn't look back, so I have to almost run after him. He's tall, remember? He's by the car as I'm struggling to catch up with him, and again I find him looking me up with the goofiest smile. I'm sick of it. I'm just about to give him a piece of a Fitch, but as I open my mouth – his phone starts ringing. He's staring at my tits while talking…stop staring at my tits! I'm sure I look pretty furious and he would see it if he'd take his eyes from my tits even for a second. But he doesn't, so I decide to just turn around and watch people instead. They all look happy walking to their cars, kids and bags in hands, smiling and laughing with each other. I don't feel like laughing, but I smile when I see the last glimpse of the little boy with a curly hair. He clutches his sister's hand and doesn't look back. I think I should do the same. There's nothing for me to go back to in Bristol. There's a lot I can learn in Israel. So I turn around and have to suppress the urge to roll my eyes. Tal's been checking my arse while I wasn't looking. Meanwhile he finished his call and motions for me to get in the car.

So I do what I'm told and regret it instantly. I think I just entered a sauna. Tal opens the windows and tells me that air conditioner doesn't work in this car, but it'll cool off very soon. I doubt it, there's still no wind outside. But I don't really have a choice, do I? I flash him my best fake smile and turn my head to the window. I'm tired and I'm in desperate need for a shower, I hope I can get one soon.

It doesn't take us more than 15 minutes to get to the place. I'm watching the surroundings as we're driving. Everything looks more like desert than a country. But it changes a lot by the time we're at the place. Suddenly there are trees everywhere, green grass and beautiful flowers. It looks like an oasis in the dessert. Probably this is what it is. I smile to myself, this country continues to surprise me. I don't see many people around, just some garden workers that look suspiciously foreign. Are there volunteers everywhere? I wonder if I can get into garden work, I love gardening.

I'm so lost in my thoughts and wonderings, that I don't hear Tal calling my name. I jump a little, when he knocks on my window to get my attention. He smiles the same goofy smile and starts to walk away. I'm confused. Should I go after him or stay in the car? The guy is strange. Yeah, he's a strange perv. I decide to get out for a smoke. As I exit the car, he returns and starts ogling on my tits again. That's it, I decide, and open my mouth.

"Yes? Can I help you with something? My eyes are up here!" – I say, and instantly blush. He lifts one eyebrow and starts chuckling. I blush even more and avert my eyes. Suddenly, my shoes become very interesting. His chuckling is contagious though, and soon enough I find myself giggling with him.

"I'm sorry, Emily, but you have a great body, I couldn't help myself" – he says and wiggles his eyebrows at me. Right…another Cook-like wanker. This is just great. I went to the end of the world to get hit on by a Cook-like boy. His chuckling dies slowly and he asks me if I want to have a small breakfast. I decline, because really, it's so hot that I can't even think about food. Yes, I, Emily Fitch, decline food. Sue me. Instead I ask him if I can take a shower and a bit of a nap. I'm very tired, I had about five minutes of sleep and the heat really tires me. He nods and takes me to a small caravan. The only things occupying it are a bed, a small kitchen and a shower.

"You can take a shower and lie down for a bit. We have a lunch starting in 3 hours, so I'll be back to take you there. Have fun"- He says and smiles at me with a strange glint in his eyes. I hope he doesn't think of spying on me in the shower. Because if he does, I…I…okay, I can't think right now, my brain is boiling. I need a shower. NOW.

.

It was a blessing. After a cold shower I stayed in my bra and knickers and went over to the bed. Bouncing on it a little, I took my iPod and choose my "sleep" playlist. I stuck the ear buds in and lied down. The quite music helped me relax a bit and I felt myself drifting to sleep in record time. My dreams were filled with blue, my consciousness playing with me once again. I wasn't surrounded by the blue this time; I was standing outside, watching as it moved towards me. It couldn't get to me though. I was watching this blue mess through the window. I've heard it start pounding on the window, each bang louder than the one before. I started screaming at it, but it didn't care and banged even more. I felt myself falling somewhere and I woke up with a jolt. I was lying on the floor, one earbud in my ear, the other wound around my hand. I raised my eyes and saw Tal standing in the doorway with a frown on his face.

"Do you always scream in your sleep? And what do you do on the floor? The bed is more comfort, you know" – He asks with a cheeky smile, but I can see the worry in his eyes. Why is he worrying about me? It's not like I fell and broke my legs…although my arse does feel a bit sore. His smile becomes mischievous as his eyes travel over my body. In this second I remember I'm sprawled on the floor in only my bra and knickers. I sit up and self-consciously cross my hands in front of my bra. Can this day get any more embarrassing?

"Sorry, I think I had a bad dream" – I croak, clearing my still sleepy voice, – "How long did I sleep?"

"Well, the lunch is about to begin, so I came to wake you up. Get ready and we'll go eat something before we get back to the airport" – He says, his eyes never leaving my tits. Again.

"Ten minutes?" – I ask, standing up and still trying to cover myself.

He nods his agreement and finally leaves me to it. I go to the tiny bathroom and splash some water on my face.

"_You're strong and beautiful, Emily Fitch"_ – My sister's voice echoes in my head and I smile to myself. If my sister thinks I'm strong and beautiful, who am I to argue?

I get back to the room and find something light to wear – a small grey tank top and blue shorts. If it's still hot outside, I'll feel a bit more comfortable in these clothes. As I step outside I feel like a fool again. Did I really think it could be any less hot outside? I think it got much hotter in last 3 hours. It is noon after all. Tal doesn't look bothered by the heat, he just stands under the tree with fag dangling from his lips. He looks up at me and gives me the first real smile. I feel my lips twitch into a small smirk. He silently offers me his fags and I gladly take one. The pack is green, it looks like a local brand. I light it and take a long drag. I wish I hadn't. I start coughing vigorously, the smoke goes deep in my lungs and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Tal is full on laughing at me, his knees bent, clutching his stomach with both hands. There are tears streaming down my cheeks as I continue to cough painfully. His laugh fades slowly and he walks back into the caravan. He comes back with a bottle of water and hands it to me. I drink half of the bottle in one go and feel slightly better. Tal is still chuckling a bit, but continues to smoke his fag.

"What is this bloody thing?" – I ask him, my voice more husky because of the intense coughing.

"Oh, it's just a cigarette. It's called Nobbles" – He answers with a smirk.

"I think it's rat poison. I actually felt like dying wasn't enough when I took a drag. How the hell can you smoke it?" – I say with a small smirk of my own.

"You just have to get used to it. You will. They don't sell many different cigarette types in Kibbutz shop, and these are the cheapest. "– He says, his smirk growing to a big grin.

"I think I'm just going to stop smoking as soon as I'm out of fags I brought here" – I say, smiling at him.

"We can stop somewhere on our way home, if you want. If you have the money – I'll gladly help you get rid of it" – He laughs a small laugh and I giggle with him.

"Alright, alright. We'll see. Maybe I'll try your poison one more time after the lunch. Now, should we? I'm starving" – I wink at him and start walking. He catches up with me and guides me through this place that looks like a labyrinth to me. I don't think too much about it, as I won't stay here for long. Just as I'm about to ask how long it is going to take, we turn around a corner and the smell hits me full on. I don't know what the smell is, but I'm so hungry I'd eat anything right now.

We walk in the dining room (these people don't cook at home, they have a dining room for the whole Kibbutz crowd) and I gasp. There's food everywhere. I see Tal take a tray and a plate and start stuffing it with all sorts of food. I follow him and take my own tray. I want some soup, but I have a slight problem… there are 4 different kinds of soups and I want them all. Ok, Emily, calm down. It's not your last meal, you're going to a Kibbutz and there's probably going to be a buffet like this one there as well. I take a bowl of lentil soup and move to fill my plate with other food. I take fish, rice, some salads (JEEZ THEY HAVE EIGHT DIFFERENT SALADS) and go sit with Tal. As I happily dive into my food, I glance around me. The dining room starts to fill with people. Their chatter fills my ears and I smile contently. I seem to smile much more since I landed in Israel. I think it's going to be okay after all.

The food is delicious, even if a bit strange for my taste. Tal eats silently and I can't help but wonder why he's not asking me stuff about myself, like where did I came from and why. He just keeps stealing glances in my direction, but says nothing. I let it pass, I'm not sure I want to answer any of those questions anyway.

As we finish eating, we take our trays to the back room. Another volunteer activates the huge dishwasher. I wonder, what other jobs the volunteers do around here and I ask Tal this much. He doesn't answer straight away, but when he does he looks a bit strange. Ashamed, is it?

"Well, there are lots of jobs in our Kibbutz. Every Kibbutz member has to work. But with growing economy we don't have enough working hands, so we bring volunteers from all around the world. Cheap work hands, you know? It works well for both sides – you get a place to stay and food, we get working hands." – He says a bit sheepishly.

"Why are you acting so strange? There's nothing to be ashamed of. I knew why I came on this trip and what I'm going to get from it. It's all good" – I grin at him as I turn to put my dishes in the dishwasher. The boy obviously has a good heart, maybe I judged him too fast. When I turn back, however, I catch him looking fast away from my arse to his shoes, looking very fascinated with them. Nope, definitely not misjudged.

I don't say anything this time, going to the exit, not even stopping to wait for him. Once outside I'm taking out my fags and light one. Tal is out just after me, but he guides me around the corner by putting his hands on my shoulders. I look at him confused, the cigarette dangling from my lips, and he explains that we can't smoke at the entrance, and that there are special places for smokers. Sure enough, there's an ash tray and more people gathered around it, all smoking and chatting. As we join them, I see all their eyes on me. I wave a little at them, getting few smiles. They return to smoking and forget about me few seconds later. I don't mind. I came here to heal, not make friends. I'm going to leave this place in few minutes and never come back.

After we finish our fags, Tal lakes me back to the car and we drive back to the airport. I want to wait in the car, but he says I can't, so I follow him with a frown on my face. I just wanted to get some more rest, instead I have to stand in this crowd and wait for a couple from Sweden that I never met before. Tal takes another note from his pocket and writes a name on it. I peer at the paper curiously, it says Kristin. So there's at least one girl. I feel a big grin trying to make its way to my face and scold at myself the next second. You didn't come here to chase girls, Emily, for fuck's sake! You came here to heal. So get these filthy thoughts out of your head, will you?

Soon enough I see two girls waving at Tal and he smiles at them broadly. Wait, does he know them? Have they been here before? Interesting. My curiosity has picked up now, and so has my mood. The girls are gorgeous, but completely straight. They hug Tal like they've known him for years and start chatting with him in Hebrew. I quietly observe from the side. Kristin is a tall blonde with green eyes, a bit older than me. The other girl's name is Anna, she's about my age, shorter than Kristin, but blonde too. She's beautiful. I lick my lips as I look at her soft face, dragging my eyes lower until it settles on her perfect tits. GET A GRIP, EMILY! You're practically eye-fucking the girl and you're not even out of airport yet. Healing, remember? I snap out of my trance and look up. I feel my ears turning red as I see them all looking at me with amused expressions on their faces. I try to smile and blush even more.

"Emily, meet Kristin and Anna. Or should I say, meet Anna's boobs?" – He says in a mocking voice, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I shove him playfully and wave to the girls.

"It's Kristin's third time in Israel, second time in our Kibbutz, and it's the first time for Anna, just like you" – He says, turning more serious. "Now we're finally ready to take off to our Kibbutz. Everybody's ready?" We nod our agreement and stroll to the car.

The only thing I remember from this whole trip "home" is falling asleep 5 minutes into the drive. The next thing I remember is waking up two hours later to find myself sitting alone in the car in front of a small caravan. I get out of the car and hear nothing. Everything is completely silent. Where the fuck am I and what do I do now? As I start to panic slightly, the door opens and Kristin's face comes to a view.

"Emily!" – She calls to me, beckoning me to her. "Are you going to stand there, or maybe you want to bring your bags in? C'mon, we have a volunteers meeting in half an hour"

I take my bags from the car and make my way to the caravan. As I step inside I can't help but smile. It's very small, but at the same time cozy and comfortable. It contains 3 beds, a dresser, a small cooking stove and a tiny bathroom. I take a sit on the empty bed. Looks like I'm going to live in a summer camp for the next 3 months.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N : Thank you all for those wonderful reviews. I'm glad you like it, I guess I don't have a choice but to continue this story :-) I want to thank lazyboo and reddawg82 again for beta-ing and having faith in me :-) Also, thank you FitchSwitch ...I do feel special :-) Now, it's time for chapter 3 :-)**

Chapter 3

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So, I've filled my drawers with clothes. All the way Kirsten and Anna were chatting together in Swedish. They asked me a few questions, like where I'm from and other unimportant stuff. I answered on autopilot, too many things on my mind. The blondes around me brought back the thoughts about the blonde I left home. I wonder how is she coping, what does she feel, did I break her completely? I feel guilty for leaving her like I did, but I couldn't make it any other way. I don't want to miss her, but I do. When is my heart going to stop aching?

I hear someone call my name and I look up from my drawer. Anna's standing in the doorframe and looking at me expectantly. I guess it's time for that volunteers meeting. Kristin is already outside waiting for us. She's taking us to a dining room where the meeting will be held.

As we get there, I see about 20 foreign people. I guess, some of them are newbies like me and some are not. I also see some locals. I guess they're going to be our tutors or something. I see Tal standing with them and winking at me. I start to get a bit nervous.

An intimidating looking woman in her late forties gets up in front of us. She looks tired and not really interested in being here with us… Reminds me of Kieran, to be honest.

"Hello all. I'm Rivka, a head of volunteers unit." - She says in a thick accent. "I see there are some new faces here. Welcome to the Kibbutz. After this meeting I'll talk to each of our new members and accommodate you to your work place for a week. Daniel here will explain you more about Kibbutz and your life here."

People start clapping nervously while Daniel takes the Head's place. As he starts talking, I hear an English accent and smile to myself.

"So, welcome to our new members. People that came here this week, please come with me, so I can show you around and explain more about this place" – I see Anna heading towards him and go after her. Kirsten stays with others. I guess she knows the place like the back of her hand and doesn't need a tour.

We get out of the dining room and I look around trying to remember the place I'll have to get back to at least 3 times a day. Our small group contains me, Anna, a ginger girl and two guys that look like brothers.

"This is dining room. Three of you will start their working week here. It's basically the center of the Kibbutz, every meeting and arrangement is held down here. As most of you've already seen, the Kibbutz is a small village with a communal living style. People here are working for the Kibbutz, not for themselves. Everybody gets a small amount of money each month, more as pocket money than anything else. You'll get enough to use in the groceries shop and the pub. If you need anything else (not that I think you will, but…), once a month we have a clothes shop open here with cheap stuff. You'll get work clothes from most work places. Your work day starts at 5 to 8AM and ends at 5 to 8PM, depending on where you're working. You'll change four work places in your first month here, after that you can choose what job you want to do for the next two months. Any questions?"

I don't have any questions and as I look around, I see that others shake their heads too.

"Ok, so if we don't have any questions, let's start walking. This route will take you to your rooms. Each of your rooms will have a small fridge with an amount of milk products. We don't have dinner in the Kibbutz dining room, if anyone wants to eat dinner on week days– they prepare it at home. The only day we have dinner in the dining room is Friday."

Meanwhile we came back to our caravan and as I looked around me I've seen more caravans.

"If you turn left, you'll get on the route to the pool. You can use the pool every day from 5 to 7 PM and all day on Saturday. If you continue along the same route, you'll get to the poultry house. Some of you might get to work there. Not much fun, I have to tell you. Too much noise for my liking" – With that Daniel gets out a strained laugh and I wonder how long he had to work with the poor birds.

We continue walking around and then the smell hits me again. But it's not a good food smell now, it's a poop smell. Like every beast decided to do it right at this place. I see others try to subtly cover their noses, but it doesn't help. The smell is so strong that you just have to get used to it.

"And those would be the cow barns. Some of you will have to work here. Don't look so worried, the smell isn't that bad inside and you really get used to it. The good thing is that you will work only two shifts, 5 to 9AM or 5 to 9PM. You can do whatever you want for the rest of the day."

As we try not to cough like crazy, we keep going and finally get to the big gate.

"And this, my friends, is the Kibbutz gate. You can go to the town in your free time, as long as you're back in the Kibbutz by your work shift. On Friday and Saturday we have a security guard here, because we leave it open for people who want to drink in our pub. Each of you will get a pass and a bicycle, so you can move around more freely."

Great, a bike…a bit more exercise is definitely going to do some good for me. I always loved riding - a bike at first, a moped later. I was actually a bit sad leaving my beautiful moped behind. I felt so free when I rode it just for fun, I want that feeling back. I get lost in my thoughts again as we continue walking. I feel a nudge to my side. I turn my head to see one of the guys winking at me. I frown, not knowing what's going on. My ears adjust to the sounds and I hear water. I look in front of me and see a beautiful waterfall. What the hell is waterfall doing in the middle of this place? Okay, not in the middle, but you get my point.

"There's an old Synagogue inside the mountain, a small lake and waterfall in front of it. It's about 2000 years old. C'mon, go take a look. I'll meet you here in 15 minutes"

I look up and see that the Kibbutz is actually located at the base of a mountain. How could I not see it before? Was I so far in my head that I've seen only things under my nose? Way to go, Emily…stupid much? I need to start paying attention to my surroundings, or I'll get lost pretty fast.

I feel someone grab my hand and tug me towards the Synagogue. Anna looks pretty excited to get in and I don't really have a choice but follow her. As I get closer, I gasp. It's beautiful here. The small Synagogue is lit by candles. I wouldn't even think it was a Synagogue if I hadn't been told. There are fish in the lake, and the waterfall looks wonderfully calming. I pull my shoes off and lower myself on the edge of the lake. My legs are dangling in the warm water and I feel peaceful. Anna sits down beside me and brushes a tear from the corner of my eye. She takes my hand and I squeeze it. She understands that it's not the best time to talk, so we just sit there for a bit with our hands joined. I think I might have made a friend today.

After a few minutes I hear Daniel call for us and I jump up, smiling at Anna and run to him, grasping my shoes in one hand and Anna's hand in another.

"And now comes the fun part. We have left a kindergarten, a pub and a shop to see "– He smiles happily and leads the way. We pass a very loud crowd of kids and move on. Daniel says we're not going to work in the kindergarten because we don't know Hebrew. So we move on and soon enough we're near the shop. We get in and my eyes widen. There's everything you can think of – groceries, bathroom stuff, school items. Mostly food and cigarettes, though.

"If you want to buy something now, go ahead. It will be under your name and at the end of the month it'll be taken from your pocket money. Be careful, though…sometimes people buy stuff too fast and are left with nothing 2 weeks before the "paycheck". If you want to exchange your money for shekels, you'll need to go into town. I'll explain this bit when you'll need it."

I'm moving between aisles just to see what's up there. Fruit, vegetables, meat – you can find everything. I'll have to shop one day and make a dinner for the girls, I decide. I do love cooking after all. Then I see something that makes me salivate a little. Ice-cream. I want it. I want it now. I think I'm starting to get used to the heat, but the ice-cream just screams at my face – EAT ME, EAT ME NOW! I take the biggest cone and with a stupid grin I stroll to the cashier. She isn't impressed, but asks my name nevertheless and writes the price down. There, my first purchase in Israel. And it tastes good, so fucking amazing in this heat! Can I be more excited now? I don't think so. Anna and Daniel look at me with amused smirk, I just wink at them and continue eating my ice-cream.

"Ok, so the kids are content? Now we're going to see the pub and then back to the dining room for your personal meeting with Rivka." – Daniel says, looking at me, and starts walking. It doesn't take long, a few paces and we're at the pub. It's not too big, but big enough to drink something and dance a bit. I'll definitely get back here on the weekend.

As we get closer to the dining room, I become more anxious. This Rivka woman really is intimidating. She isn't tall or big, but her eyes… they make you squirm. Anna takes my hand again and I relax a little. I look up and see the warm half-smile on her lips that reaches her eyes. I don't feel like dropping her hand, I'm actually quite happy to let her squeeze it. Friends can be a good thing sometimes, right? I cool my head and get in the dining room with Anna on my heels.

The place looks peaceful. All the other people already left and it's only few of us left for the one-on-one meeting. Rivka is sitting on one of the tables with pile of papers. Anna nudges my shoulder and winks at me. At least somebody's not intimidated by the woman. Rivka looks up at us and calls to Daniel. There is a hushed conversation, while we all waiting near the entrance. Daniel calls for me. Why do I have to go first? I don't like to be first, I start stuttering when I go first! Well, I don't have much choice, do I?

"So, Emily Fitch" – She says, looking me straight in the eyes. I feel so small right now. Nobody made me feel as small as this woman did. Except of Jenna Fitch. She reminds me so much of my mother. Not by the looks, but by the feeling she makes me feel. And I didn't even talk to her yet. _You need to be brave, Emily_, I say to myself and try to manage the most fake smile I can. I guess it's working, because she smiles right back.

"Your file says you're from UK, you're 18 years old and you have a twin sister. Now tell me, what brings you to Israel?" – She asks in a sweet voice and I know it's fake, because it's the same voice my mother used when she wanted something from me. What can I answer to this question? I decide to go with the truth.

"Well, I heard about this program from a friend who's been here and loved his stay in Israel. So I figured coming here would be a nice idea." – Okay, so it's not the truth, but she doesn't have to know, right? This is personal stuff and I want it to stay personal. But she looks at me expectantly, like she knows I'm lying. I know I blush, because I see a tiny smirk on her lips. But she doesn't ask more and just writes something down. I'm glad she lets it pass.

"So, what jobs do you think you could be good at?" – She asks in the same sweet voice, but this time the smile isn't as fake and she looks more interested.

"I hoped to get a gardening job. I have a small garden back home and I love working on it. I have all kinds of plants, flowers and some vegetables in it. I know I'm good at it. But otherwise, I think I can do any job." - I say, my hopes are high for the gardening job. A girl can hope, alright?

She eyes me suspiciously, like she can't believe I can do any job. But you know what? I really think I can. And I don't really care what job is it, as long as it takes my mind off the blue.

"First week is easy. Ever new member starts in the dining room. The job isn't complicated. You have to be here by 6:30AM, the breakfast starts at 7AM and ends at 9AM. The launch is from 12PM to 3PM and you'll be off by 5PM every day. You'll be working all day on Friday, as the dinner is from 7PM to 9:30PM. You'll have Saturday as a free day, unless we need you somewhere else for a day. Is everything clear? Do you have any questions?" – I shake my head and stand up to leave. I'd much prefer to be in my room right now and have some rest. It was a long day after all.

"And, Emily?" – I hear her say. I turn around to see that tiny smirk on her lips again. "It's your responsibility to be at work on time. Show us you're serious about this and I'll think about the gardening job"

I put my lips in a tight smile and nod. As I walk back to the group, I hear Daniel calling for Anna.

"Wait for me, it's time to go to the pool" – She says, winking at me and almost skipping to Rivka's table. The girl is absolutely adorable and reminds me a bit of Pandora.

It doesn't take long for them to finish their chat and soon Anna's gripping my hand again and tugging me towards the caravan.

"Do you believe that woman? She thinks she can intimidate me. Ha ha. Nobody can intimidate me. I am the unintimidative!" – She laughs at me and I feel myself laughing with her.

"There's no such word, Anna" – I giggle, unable to stop myself.

"There is now" – She sticks her tongue out at me and we continue giggling. Soon enough we're back in the caravan, changing into our swimming costumes. I change first and sit on the bed, waiting for Anna. She gets out two really small bikinis, one is blue and yellow, and the other is simple black with a silver flower between breasts.

"Which one should I put on then?" – She says and I'm unable to take my eyes from her tits again. I am a boob girl, alright? And Anna has very nice boobs. I tell her to put on the black one, as it'll show her pale skin a bit better. But if I'm honest with myself, this one is just smaller and makes her tits look bigger. Oh shut up, you'd love her boobs too.

"Emily? Anna?" – I hear a knock on the door and look around to see we're decent. Except for Anna being in only her bikini, we are decent and I tell whoever there is to come in. Tal's head pops in and he howls when he sees Anna. Yeah, man, you understand my love for her boobs, don't you?

"Are you ready for the show-off in the pool, ladies?" – He asks, cheeky smirk on his lips. I look disbelievingly at him, but nod my head. If I can be ever ready for this, it's now.

"Let's go then. Guys are waiting to see more cute chicks they can hit on" – Jesus, he is so Cook-like, it hurts. I look at my watch and see it's 5:30PM already. We head to the pool and see other volunteers there, some of them are in the pool playing ball, when others just chill out on the grass. There are some local teens too and I eye them curiously. They look carefree, happy and I wonder if I ever going to look this way again. I don't have time to get lost in my head, as I'm being pushed into the pool with all my clothes on by Tal. I scream and land in the water with a loud thud. Fuck, it hurts. But it's hilarious and I can't stop giggling while I push myself to the edge of the pool. He howls again and jumps in after me. I get out of the pool to take my damp clothes off and stay only in my bikini. I sit on the grass and continue watching the people. They laugh, chat and look really happy in the evening sun. The water is cool, when outside is still very hot, so any pool activity is fun. I'll sit and observe here for a bit, though. I don't feel like talking right now, but my head is light and for the first time today I find myself not thinking about anything.

"Emilyyyyy, get in" – Anna grins at me from the water and I join her. We splash a bit and just chill out in the water.

"Do you like this place?" – She asks me with a lazy smile.

"Yes, I actually do." – I answer with a matching smile. "It's too hot to live, but we'll get used to it, right? Maybe tomorrow will be better"

"Hey, beautiful" – Tal swims to us and I don't really know who's he talking to. Probably Anna, as she's much sexier than me and knows how to use it. I've seen how they look at each other. It'll be hot soon, and not because of weather. He gets to us and splashes us with water, and few second later we're in full on water fight. Kristin and Daniel join us (talking about hot, eh…these two are even less subtle than Anna and Tal). We all laugh and fight and soon enough we have to get out, because the pool is closing. We all head to our caravans, deciding what's for dinner. It's nice, being with group of people that doesn't expect anything from you.

Soon enough I find myself drifting to sleep, everybody's chatting is lulling me better than anything. My last thought is not about Naomi, but about these beautiful people who made my day be wonderfully crazy and calm at the same time. Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow I'll be closer to my healing.

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**Finally the first day ended. It was a long day for our little Emily, wasn't it? :-) Please review? :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N : Thanks to everyone for reviews, I'm really glad you like this story. I'll try my best not to disappoint in the future :-) Also, huge thanks to _lazy_boo_ for BETA-ing and encouraging :-) Shall we continue, then? **

**Chapter 4**

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Through my still sleepy mind I hear a loud humming.

"Shut the fuck up, Katie!" – I mumble angrily with my eyes still closed. I feel her tug on the sheet I'm using as a duvet here. Yes, it's very hot at night too. I just want to sleep, so I put a pillow over my head and try to shut all the noise out. It doesn't really work, as I hear even louder humming and the tug is increasing until I find myself on the floor. Yes, I've been clutching my sheet for the dearest life. Yes, I'm a stubborn kid. And yes, now I'm on the floor with a sore ass and two people laughing at me like crazy. I dare to open one eye. Too bright, TOO FUCKING BRIGHT. I close the eye again, and make myself comfortable on the floor. I don't care it's nowhere near comfortable. It is cool and I like it down here. However, I don't get to sleep more, as someone pours cold water on my face. I sit up with a jolt and finally open both eyes.

"Fucking Katie, I'm going to kill you!" – I yell, very annoyed. But I don't see Katie. All I see is Anna and Kirsten on the bed, clutching their bellies, laughing and breathing hard. Okay…awkward, that. I feel a deep blush creeping up my neck, but their laugh is so infectious, after few seconds I find myself laughing with them.

"Okay. Who was the bitch that poured the water on me?" – I ask when I calm a bit.

"That would be me." – Says Anna with mischievous smile. "You wouldn't wake up and we have to be at work in 15 minutes. Go on, get ready."

Jesus, I have only 15 minutes…that means 10 minutes, as we still have to walk there. 10 minutes for a quick shower, get dressed and smoke one fag with a coffee. I can do it, I'm Katie Fucking Fitch's twin after all. I pop in the shower and 3 minutes later I'm out and getting dressed. Impressed yet? I pull on a loose green t-shirt and a black skirt, put on my favorite green shoes (yes, I still have them) and head outside. Lighting a fag and sipping on my coffee, checking the clock every few seconds. I think I've never been ready so fast. But hell, was it a rough start.

After I finish my fag and put the coffee mug in the sink, we make our way to the dining room. There's an older woman lurking outside and one of the guys who was on our little tour group yesterday, I think his name's Barney. I take a look at my watch and see that we're 2 minutes early. At least I feel rested enough to start my day so early.

The woman presents herself as Sarah. She looks sweet, a real motherly figure. She tells us that first of all we have to prepare the food for the breakfast. Basically, that means putting all the milk products inside big pots, so everybody can eat whatever they like. We get out bread, coffee, sugar, milk, prepare lots of boiled eggs and make simple omelets. By the time we finish I'm well starved and can't wait to eat some of these goods.

Sarah lets us take a break, so we eat and go for a smoke. People of all kinds start to get into dining room, their chatter gets louder and we have to head back. This job isn't hard, so I gladly keep working. Now it's dishwasher time. Anna and I bring in trolleys with dishes in turns and all of us load and unload them from the washer. We get into nice routine and before I have time to think, we finish with dishes and go unloading food trolleys. As we work, I keep sneaking food in my mouth. What? We've worked hard, I got hungry, sue me. Anna's chuckling at me, but I don't care. I'm in a good mood and now we have 2 hours to kill before lunch. Sarah thanks us and reminds that we have to come back at 11:30AM. I really like this woman, she's always smiling and you just have to smile back.

We decide to head to the small Synagogue. It's beautiful there and you can cool a bit by the lake's water. I sprawl on the warm green and close my eyes. It's peaceful. Of course, I don't get to enjoy the silence, as Anna starts chatting rather loudly with Barney. Her Swedish accent mixed with his American makes me chuckle to myself, they sound very funny. But I guess, we all do, being from all over the world. I never thought I'd meet Swedish, American, Greek and Turkish people in one place. Now here we are, sitting at this small lake, laughing about little nothings and having a pretty good time.

At this moment Anna decides to yell loudly and jump on me. And no, not in a good way. Barney started tickling her, because she said she's not ticklish. And of course her reaction was launching herself at me for help. I can't help her though, I'm really ticklish myself. We all end up in a small pile, trying to tickle each other and stop laughing at the same time. Good thing everybody's at work right now and can't see how stupid we can be. Not that I care, honestly.

After we finally calm down we keep lying there in complete silence. The only things you can hear are the waterfall and birds whistles.

"Emily, why are you so quiet?" – Barney decides to ask me in this moment.

"I don't know, I guess I like the silence. Lately it's been too loud in my life. It's peaceful here" – I don't really want to talk about it and I guess Anna senses it. She nudges me pretty hard and some curse words escape my mouth. I roll over and start tickling her. The tension breaks and we find ourselves giggling again as Barney watches us with amused expression.

"Ladies, you might want to stop now, we actually need to get back" – He says, standing up and offering his hands to us both. "C'mon, we don't want to be late on our first day."

I don't really want to leave this beautiful place, but I have to. I'll get back here pretty soon. But now it's work time.

We get back to the dining room just in time to load trolleys with lunch dishes. Apparently, there are different dishes for breakfast and lunch/dinner. It's Jewish tradition, they don't mix milk and meat, so breakfast consists of milk/veggie products and lunch/dinner are meat meals. That's why we need to load a whole new lot of dishes on trolleys and open a second dishwasher that I didn't even see in the morning. Am I the only one who thinks these guys work too hard for their food? Whatever. I do what I'm told and prepare everything. This time I have to stand behind the trolley with meat and dish it out it to people. Barney stands beside me with very bored expression, he looks like he's going to fall asleep pretty soon. But people start to emerge through doors and he looks a bit more cheered. Anna's on the dishwasher duty with some Israeli kid.

I don't know how long I have been standing there dishing out the meat, but my legs are sore and I'm famished. Just as I think of asking for a 5 minutes break, I see Anna marching to me.

"Emily, come, we have a break for food and cigarette." – She says as she grabs a plate from the trolley and smiles sweetly to Barney who has to wait until we finish to go on his break. He's not happy, obviously, but he'll have to wait. I may be small, but I'd kill for my food if I have to. So I grab my own plate and stuff it fully with everything I can get hold on. Luckily, I don't have any soup to choose from today, so I stroll straight to the table Anna already claimed. Just as I shove full fork of food in my mouth, I feel someone sit beside me and turn my head towards the person, trying to chew everything I have in my mouth as fast as I can. Of course it's Tal and he looks directly at my mouth.

"What?" – I try to say, but my mouth is too full to get any coherent words out.

"How can you chew so much food?" – He says, still looking in my mouth.

"I'm starving" - I smile sheepishly as I stuff another fork in my mouth.

"Do you know where's she going to put all this food at?" – He smirks at Anna, who's openly laughing at me. Again. Am I so laughable or something? Okay, I might look a bit ridiculous, but I AM starving and the food is delicious.

"What can I say..? I have good metabolism" – I say and stuff more food in my mouth. I don't care what they think, I have all this food and I'm going to enjoy it.

I finish my plate in a record time and take it to the trolley. It needs to get unloaded, but first of all I'm going for a fag. I step outside and search for the ashtray. It was right here in the morning, where did they take it? Fucking hell, I don't have much time and I need my nicotine dose RIGHT NOW! Finally, I see it just around the corner and Tal's already there, winking at me. The guy's always 5 seconds before me, it's starting to annoy me. But I'll beat him one day. Sure I am, Fitch power, yeah?

The fag's finished too fast and I have to go back. This time I'm working on the dishwasher, the job I'm willingly doing because I'm sick of standing there smiling at people I see for the first time. At least I don't have to smile at dirty dishes, right? Unload the trolleys, load the dishwasher, click ON and wait. What can be easier? No need to talk, no need to smile, no need to think. The problem is I can't stop myself from thinking. How's Katie coping without me? Does she miss me the same way I miss her? I know she is. Even though most of our lives we've been enemies to each other, I know we love each other fiercely. It was very hard for me to leave her, but I had to do it. She understands it. She understands me better than anyone else. Twin thing, I guess. I need to call her as soon as I can.

"The lunch's ending in 15 minutes" - I'm brought back to present by Barney, who's bringing me more dirty dishes. He helps me unloading clear dishes and rushes outside to bring another trolley. I know that as soon as I finish here I'm free to go. I take a look at my watch and see it's almost 4PM. I'm looking forward to the pool time today, as it's really hot and even air conditioning doesn't help when you're working on this dishwasher.

All the work's done, we say our goodbyes to Sarah and other staff and make our way back to the room. Kirsten's working at the fields, so she's probably home already. Look at me, already calling this small caravan my home. I think it's the feeling that counts the most. I like people here, they seem to like me. This is home, for now.

"Emily, are we going to the pool now?" – Anna asks with mischievous smirk. I wonder what she has in mind.

"I was thinking of taking a quick shower first, but then yeah, it's pool time. Why?" – I say, raising one eyebrow in challenge.

"Well, I was thinking we should go shopping" – She says with the same smirk. I frown, because really…shopping in this place? There's only one shop in here and it's not selling anything interesting. I tell her this.

"There's a town 15 minutes away. Are you coming then? I need a new bikini" – The smirk is still in place, but I'm pretty sure she's serious.

"Are you serious? First of all, it's our first day here. That means we know nothing. Secondly, we don't have any money, we need the Change. Thirdly, I'm pretty knackered and I want this shower. Now. Can't we do it another time?" – I'm really not in the mood to go shopping now. Nor have I any money I want to spend on my second day in this country. I might need it later.

"Emily…what's knackered?" – She asks, obviously confused.

"Oh…sorry…I didn't…oh…" – I mumble dumbly, suddenly remembering that some people might not know some English words and expressions. "Well, that means I'm very tired. Alright? Can I have that shower now?"

"Yes." – She says and for some reason I feel guilty. I have no idea why, but I do.

"We'll go to the local shop later, buy few beers and will have a nice evening with Tal and Kirsten. Okay?"

"Yes!" – She says more enthusiastic and I smile to myself. It'll be a nice evening.

The shower feels heavenly after the day's heat. As I let the cold water slide down my tired skin, I think about the last two days. It wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be, but it's been eventful. Do I like this place? Yes, I do. It's hot as hell, but otherwise people are nice and the place is quite beautiful. I'm looking forward to living here and get to know all these wonderful people. Okay, even Tal, although he's been perving shamelessly on all the new girls. I think him and Anna could be good together. Two crazy minds, those are.

I finally get out of the shower, wrapped only in my towel, and of course Tal is in our room. He and Anna are laughing about something. I just pass them towards my drawers. I feel Tal's eyes boring in my back, trying to see through the towel. I wonder when Anna's going to hit him.

"Are we going to pool later?" – I ask them. I still feel Tal's eyes on me, but I don't turn to them.

"Ouch…fuck, Anna…what the hell?" – Finally I hear him swear, lots of words I never heard before, supposedly in Hebrew. I guess she did hit him after all.

"So? Pool or not?" - I finally turn to them with a cheeky smirk.

"I think we're going to skip the pool and head straight to the shop. We didn't get to celebrate your coming yesterday, girls" – He smiles warmly. "The beers and sweets are on me. Go on, dress sexy…ouch…stop it, or you won't get your beer…OUCH!" – I laugh, watching them wrestling on the bed. Anna's trying to hit Tal again and he tries to get away. They look good together. I take a blue tank top and knee skirt, and leave them to it. I dress, apply a hint of make-up and feel I'm ready to go. As I get out again, the cute couple isn't wrestling. They're kissing and I have to keep myself from awing. They don't even hear me until I clear my throat. They break and both blush furiously. I don't say anything, just wink smugly at Tal and get out of caravan.

"Are you two coming?" – I call from outside and they follow me. Tal lights a fag, looking at his shoes and Anna takes my hand, smiling at me. I guess the boy's finally embarrassed. Good. Maybe Anna can get this good heart of his outside for all to see.

"Tal, I need cigarettes" – I tell him, when we're close to the shop. We didn't stop to buy me fags on our way from the airport after all. And no way am I going to smoke that green thing again.

"Come here" – He calls me over. "Look what brands we have and take whatever you like. It's cheaper here anyway".

I see L&M. I know these. I'm asking for two packs and leave it near the cashier. I find Tal and Anna snogging near the sweets. I don't bother them, just go over and take whatever I see. The beers are the same labels we have in UK, so I take two for each and go back to cashier, carrying everything by myself. I really have no idea how did I manage not to drop anything.

"Hello, dear. What name should I put these under?" – The older woman asks me, her tired eyes desperately trying not to look at the stupid couple I call my friends.

"Tal!" – I yell at him, because really…didn't he say it's his treat tonight?

"Yes, yes, I'm here." – He runs over, dragging a giggling Anna after him. He starts talking to the woman in Hebrew and I tune out. Anna's just winking at me and rubs Tal's lower back. Great, now I'm the third wheel. I'm just a little bit bitter, mostly I'm just glad some people still can be happy, even if I can't. Hopefully, they won't fuck in our room while I'm trying to sleep tonight.

When we finally get back to our caravan, it's almost 6PM and Kristin's already there waiting for us.

"So, where's my beer? And it better be cold, because I still didn't take a shower and I'm ridiculously hot after almost 12 hours of work" – She says and I see Tal's trying not to say something nasty about Kristin being hot. Anna sees it too and smacks him around the head. I think this guy's kid of liking being abused a bit. Everyone takes a bottle and Anna pours the sweets into big bowl. I take out my new fags and light one. It tastes different from what I remember, but not bad. Definitely is better than Tal's green stuff.

We sit there, just the four of us, chatting about everything and nothing. It's been a nice day. I like the work so far and I like the people I've met. I like our tiny caravan and I like my roommates. Anna's currently sitting with her legs on Tal's lap. Kristin's got her head in my lap and it's nice. As the time goes by, I feel more and more comfortable in their company.

The beer's about to end and Tal and Anna are taking off for a walk – yeah, right – while me and Kristin head inside. She takes the shower and I sprawl on my bed. I still have half bottle of beer and I don't really feel like sleeping yet. I take my iPod and speakers out and switch it on. I missed my music. I close my eyes and just listen. Lily Allen's _Littlest Things _is blasting out of speakers, the volume is deafening. My eyes are watering, but I blink tears away. This song reminds me of good times me and Naomi had. So many good things until she ruined it all. I told her we were fragile, I knew she broke us right then. We both tried to repair our relationship, we really did. But it was too broken. Still, remembering the good times make me smile through tears. I know I'm crying by the end of the song. I feel a hand on my cheek, caressing it. I don't need to open my eyes to know it's Kristin.

"Emily, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" – Her voice is soothing, I instantly feel better. I shrug my shoulders and smile again, wiping tears from my eyes.

"I'll make you tea." – She makes a move to stand up, but I grab her hand, making her sit back on my bed.

"She cheated on me" – I say in a shaky voice. "That's why I'm here. This is the farthest place I could run to, away from her. I'm so broken…" I feel another tear slipping from my eye, but I wipe at it angrily.

"I loved her so much, and I still do. But I can't be with her. I can't do it anymore. She broke me, might be beyond repair" – I laugh bitterly. Maybe this is what my life will be from now one – a broken little girl that can't ever be the same again. "I was so naïve…she said I was the only person who could ruin her. I don't know if she understands that she already ruined me. Does she know it?"

"I don't know, Emily…shh, don't cry. Whoever she is, she's a really stupid girl. You're a lovely person. We are your friends, you know it, right?" – I nod and put my head on her lap. She strokes my hair and I feel myself calming down. They are my friends and hopefully they'll help me. I only have to let them in. But how do I do it without getting hurt again?

"Go clean your pretty face now and I'll make us some tea" – She pushes me slightly from her lap and I jump up. But before I run to the bathroom, I hug her tightly, showing her my appreciation. Friends, eh? I can have friends, I think.

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**a/n So, what do you think? Like, dislike, anything? Don't be shy to review :-) **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

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The rest of the week passed quickly. After our little chat on Monday, Kristin took on herself the job of being my big sister. I don't complain, it's really nice to feel looked after. We didn't talk about Naomi again, just chilled out in the pool or outside our caravan. Anna and Tal disappeared every evening, so it left the two of us. Occasionally Daniel would join us and we'd have a laugh. I like the atmosphere in the Kibbutz. It's like they're one big family. I've seen kind of communal living at Naomi's home, but it's definitely not the same. People work for their living here and have fun. They have their close family, but they also have this big Kibbutz family.

Tomorrow is Friday, the longest work day for us. We have to work usual breakfast and lunch, but there's also a big dinner. The dinner, that whole Kibbutz crowd is supposed to attend. The good thing is we're going to the pub after dinner and the day after is a free day. So I'm planning to get absolutely trashed.

Now we're sitting in the pool after especially hot day. Even working in the air conditioning didn't help much. We didn't even go outside between breakfast and lunch, I think I had only two cigarettes until now. If it's too hot to breathe, it's definitely too hot to smoke. But now it's better, as we have literally not gotten out the water for the last hour. Tal and Anna are splashing around us, I just try to catch a bit of the evening sun, swimming lazily on my back.

"Hey, can we go into town now?" – I hear Anna asking Tal. She's been trying to make him take her to the town to buy new bikini. I have to give him credit, she's been really persistent. I turn around and swim to them.

"Actually, I'd like to come too. I need to change some money, just in case. And maybe buy some clothes" – I smirk at Tal's freaked face. "You don't have to shop with us, just drop us there and pick us up in 2 hours?"

He relaxes a bit and nods his head.

"Alright, I'll take you to the mall. Now go get ready, you have 20 minutes" – I get out of the pool, grab my clothes and take a run to the caravan. I'm not going to let Anna finish all the water. Katie Fitch's twin, remember? I hear her running after me, laughing like crazy. Tal is cheering for Anna to get me. Good thing I don't have to run for too long, because the caravan's pretty close to the pool. I get in and jump in the shower. Letting the water cascade down my spine, calming my breath down, I just take few minutes to relax after the run. I definitely need to work on my fitness. Dad would put me on the naughty bar for breathing this hard after only 5 minutes run. I smile to myself, I really miss my dad. He's just so oblivious to everything that's not related to sports, it's amazing. Maybe that's why he's my favorite person in the world. Sure, I love Katie endlessly, but she never really understood me. My dad accepted me just for me. He loves me just for being Emily, his Emsy. I'll have to call him too, really soon.

I get out of the shower, wrapped in the towel and see no sign of Anna. I dress fast and get out, drying my hair with another towel. Of course she's sitting outside on Tal's lap and sucking his face off.

"Anna, the shower's empty. Get ready, shopping's waiting" – I say with a sly smile, as I watch her getting off his lap and blushing furiously at me. Tal's on the other hand winks at me and has this cheeky smirk on his lips that you just can't not smile to. I throw a towel on the spare chair and take a fag out. I have few minutes of relaxation, as Anna always takes much longer to shower.

"So, Emily…what are we going to do with your love life?" – He fires a question at me, making me cough violently, tears running from my eyes. He looks at me with most fake innocent look on his face. "You need to get laid, honey." Now I know he's just mocking me.

"I'm just coming out of a pretty nasty breakup, I really don't need any love in my life right now." – I tell him firmly. I really don't need to get involved with someone now, I'm not ready.

"But I'm not talking about relationships. I'm talking about sex. Are you up to some?" – He's wiggling his eyebrows at me now and I laugh at how Cook-like he looks. In next second he's getting a loud slap to the side of his head, this time from me.

"I wasn't propositioning you! God, why do all girls think I want to fuck them?" – He whines through a laugh. "I'm getting enough from Anna, thank you very much. But you need to get some too, you've been very tense lately."

"You've known me for 5 days, Tal" – I laugh with him, because, really…he doesn't know how hard my life has been lately.

"Yes, so? You've been very tense in these 5 days and you need to get laid. Just saying." – He says, still rubbing his head. I know he's not hurt though…he's just doing it so Anna would kiss him. Not that she wouldn't kiss him otherwise…but whatever.

"Leave my sex life alone. I'll get some when I want some. Now, tell me what's going on with you and Anna?" – I change the focus of the subject, really curious what's going on with those two.

"We're just having some fun. And I really like her." – He states, suddenly turning very serious and watches his shoes with great fascination.

"Does she really like you back?" – I ask, feeling like I'm talking to a six years old.

"I don't know. I hope so. But you can't tell her I like her, it'd just complicate things and we don't need it right now." – He doesn't really need to explain. I know feelings complicate things, I've been there.

We get interrupted right then by Anna stumbling out of caravan, dressed all sexy and heels, like we're going to a party or something.

"I'm ready." – She says with triumphant smirk and the two of us just laugh, grateful for this little distraction from our way too serious chat.

"Aren't you a bit overdressed? We're only going to the mall and I definitely don't feel like wearing heels for a bit of shopping" – I say, a bit worried about my own appearance. I only have my purple skirt on and a fitted grey top.

"No, I'm fine. I feel like dressing up a bit after walking for a week in working clothes." – She doesn't bat an eyelid, though I have a feeling she knows I'm a bit worried about being under-dressed near her. "You're fine. Just put shoes on and let's go. I need that bikini for tomorrow"

"What happens tomorrow? I thought we're going to a pub tomorrow?" – I ask, slightly curious.

"Didn't Tal tell you? There's a pool party, open bar and everything. It's a Kibbutz kids party, but Tal invited me, you and Kristin" – She says proudly and takes Tal's hand. "Can we go now?"

And we're off to the mall. Well, a mall is pretty big word for this place. It's just 4 or 5 shops and a food area. It has a currency exchange service and a bikini shop, so we're content with it. But it's small. Tal explains that this town is very small, so the fact they're having any mall is a big thing. Anna drags me straight to the bikini shop and starts rummaging through the stuff. It takes her ONLY 50 minutes to find something she likes. It's a light blue bikini and it looks amazing on her. Tal will be drooling all over her. I think that's the plan as a small cheeky smile makes appearance on her face. It isn't even expensive, and the look on Tal's face will be worth the price. We look around for a bit and decide to eat some ice-cream while waiting for Tal to pick us up. I can't pass the ice-cream, can I? Too many flavors to choose from, finally I take the chocolate cookies ice-cream. Anna just eats her frozen yoghurt, bo-o-o-ring. As we eat, I'm watching the people around us. Town people aren't much different from Kibbutz people after all. Although, they dress a bit differently. Most of Kibbutz people look like they woke up and just went through the day with their pajamas on. Town people dress up a bit more, but you still can see here and there guys without a shirt or shoes on. Anna definitely looks out of place with her heels on. It's so much different here, probably because of the weather. But these people look happier than Englishmen. They smile more, they chat louder and they just look fresher.

I check my watch, it's getting close to 9PM. I'm pretty tired, my ice-cream is finished and I'm getting a bit grumpy. Where the hell is this boy? We need to wake up early tomorrow. As if he heard me thinking, Tal's just appearing in front of our table like a fucking ninja.

"Fuck, you scared the hell out of me!" – I yell at him, but I'm not angry. I'm just glad he's here, I want to get in my bed as fast as I can. Tomorrow is a long day, yeah?

"Sorry, kid, didn't mean to scare you. Here, bought you some stuff for the fridge" – He gives me the bags he brought and we start moving to the exit.

Once in the car I'm taking a look in the bags. There are some fruits I've never seen, as well as more beer and sweets. Of course, he has to stick his tongue in Anna's throat before he starts the car. Feeling like a third wheel, again…I don't like the feeling, so I clear my throat a bit too loud. It helps, though, and he starts driving. 10 minutes later we're pulling outside our caravan. I leave them in the car, practically running away, because really…can't they get a room?

"Hello, sweetheart. How was your little trip?" – Kristin asks me lazily as soon as I get into the caravan. She's lying on her bed with a book in her hands. "Was it fun? Where's Anna?"

"Yes, it was nice to get out of this place for a bit, to see the world…even if the world is so small and dull." – She laughs at my attempt of sarcastic comment. "Anna bought a bikini that'll make Tal's eyes pop out. And he brought us some fruits I have no idea about."

"Didn't your eyes pop out when she was changing?" – She asks me with innocent face. I choke on the glass of water I just started to drink. Why do I always have to choke on something? People should wait with this kind of questions, really.

"I'm not as pervy as you think, Kirstin. She's not my type, even if she's blonde and tall" – I stick my tongue out at her. She laughs again, as she takes the bags from me.

"Alright. So you didn't perv on mine and Anna's tits when you first saw us, right?" – She mocks me now, I know it. I think I blush the deepest shade of red I ever blushed.

"I..uhm..well…" – I stutter, because I really don't know what to say. She's smiling at me warmly and I know it's fine. It's all fine.

"Emily, come here." – She says, patting her bed. "I don't have any problem with you being gay, okay? You are a lovely person and I think we're friends. Do you think the same?"

"Yes." – I smile at her. She feels like a big sister I never had. I wish I had her with me last year, I really needed a comforting shoulder. Katie helped, but as much as she always wanted to show herself as my big sister, she really isn't. I hug Kristin because I want to and I can. She's been a good friend to me the last week and I hope we'll be friends after we're out of here.

Just in this second Tal and Anna decide to stumble through the door. Tal's whistling and Anna's slapping his head again. I pull out from the hug and kiss Anna on the cheek, before launching myself at Tal, slapping him on the other side of the head. He starts laughing, as we tickling him wherever we can get.

Kristin just watches us with small smile before going back to her book. In few minutes we're out of air because of laughing and Tal gets up from the floor (yes, we all ended falling to the floor) to get us beer. Anna talks to Kristin for a bit in Swedish and drags her out of the bed outside. Tal and I are staying inside for a bit.

"So, what's going on between you and Kristin?" – He's trying to sound cheeky, but I only hear the curiosity.

"Nothing, we're just friends. She's been good to me, like a big sister I never had" – I say, rummaging in the bag of fruits. I take out something yellow that looks a bit like a cactus.

"What the fuck is that?" – I ask incredulously. Am I supposed to eat this? It doesn't look very tasty, although the smell is nice.

"It's called Sabres. It is a cactus fruit, it's actually really tasty. A bit sweet, a bit sour. C'mon, try it." – He says, taking the thing out of my hands. He opens it with a knife and the smell increases. It is a nice smell, like a good perfume. He takes some of the yellow mass with a spoon and gives it to me. I eye it suspiciously, it doesn't look very tasty.

"Oh for fuck's sake, it's not going to bite you. Eat it!" – He demands and I have to obey. It actually tastes more sour than sweet, but it's not a bad sore. I like it. I eat the whole spoon and take the other half from him.

"It's good. A bit strange, but still good. We don't have this kind of fruit in UK." – I say, mouth full of the fruit. He just winks at me.

"There are all sorts of things you don't have in UK, and you're going to try most of them." - He stands up and goes to the door. Before exiting he's turning to me. "Only if you're willing to try, of course." He winks at me again and exits.

I don't even have time to think about what he said because as soon as he's outside, Kristin gets in and plunks herself on my bed with such a force it makes me jump a little and lose my spoon in my sheets. She's just giggling like a school girl and I can't help but giggle with her.

"What's going on, Kristin?" – I ask through the giggles.

"Anna has a crush on Tal" – She continues giggling, slightly out of breath.

"Yeah, I noticed it. Did she tell you how big this crush is? And why are you laughing?" – I can't really understand how this is funny. They look pretty happy together.

"Well…everybody has crush on Tal. I had it when I was here the first time." – She keeps laughing.

"First of all, I don't have a crush on Tal. So, it's not everybody. And second, you and Tal? Really?" – Now it all makes more sense. They looked pretty close in airport. "And you don't mind him and Anna?" – I am really curious.

"No, why should I? They like each other. We had a fling couple of years ago, we never loved each other. He's like a brother to me now." – She says, finally sobering.

"Okay. As long as everybody's cool with each other. Wait, does Anna know about you and Tal?" – She looks at me as if I grew second head. "Of course she does. We've been best friends for years."

"Good then." – I smile at her. I'd hate to lose any of them as friends because of any triangle dramas. I hug her again and jump off the bed to take a shower. She tugs on my hand and gives me a kiss on the cheek. A happy feeling spreads to my heart and I'm surprised. I haven't felt happy for a long time, so it's kind of strange feeling, a bit unfamiliar. But not in a bad way. Smiling, I'm running to the shower. Long day tomorrow, yeah?

.

.

I wake up with the same happy feeling with the dawn. I yawn and stretch myself on the bed. It's very early yet, but I'm wide awake and ready to do anything. I still have a whole hour until I have to get up, so I decide to take another shower. I'm getting used to the heat, but my body still isn't fully used to it and I wake up each morning with a slight sheet of sweat covering my body. And it's not the fun sweat either. Okay, I am a bit frustrated. Can you blame me?

After a long shower (yes, I had some fun there) I start to get ready for the long day. It's a party day and I need to think what to wear. Obviously it's a pool party, so it's my bikini instead of my underwear. I check my drawers and find a small skirt, like, really small. I think it's Katie's. It's red and gets just under my arse. I find a loose striped top that slightly falls from my shoulder and I'm happy about this outfit. I'm probably not going to stay long in it, trying to save myself from the heat in the pool. But still, I should look cute at my first party in Israel, right?

I take a look at my watch and see it's five minutes to our wake up time, so I decide to make some coffee for the sleepy beauties. They better appreciate it. I'm just done with 2 big coffee mugs when I hear Anna's alarm clock start singing. And when I say "singing", I mean it. It's someone's voice that doesn't work very well to wake her. I'll have to ask her whose voice it is. I take a coffee mug and sit on her bed, deliberately putting the mug under her nose. She's cringing and turns away from me. I put the mug on her bedside table and shake her shoulder gently. She just mumbles something incoherent and waves her hand blindly in front of my face, like I was an annoying mosquito. I stand up and take the sheet off her body, cursing myself a second later. Of course, she's only in her underwear. No bra. No shirt. Nothing. And of course just then she decides to turn over and flash me her (amazing, I have to say) tits. I blush furiously and turn around. That's when I hear a laugh and a thud.

"Turn around, Emily" – Anna says through laughing. I shake my head, unable to move anything else. I don't dare speak because I don't trust my mouth. And she just keeps laughing at me.

"C'mon Emily, I'm decent, you can turn around now." – I turn around, but my shoes are much more interesting than Anna. So I keep my gaze there. She's still laughing, finally waking Kristin with her laugh.

"Why's everyone so loud in the morning?" – Kristin says grumpily, sitting slightly on her bed. I bring her the coffee I made, sitting near her and avoiding Anna's eyes.

"Emily's seen me naked. Well, almost naked. Good thing I decided to sleep in my underwear tonight" – Kristin chokes on her coffee and start laughing too. Great, so now I'm everyone's joke too. I feel so embarrassed and the day even didn't start yet. Kristin puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. I instantly feel relaxed.

"Anyway, now that we all are truly and happily awake, can we please get ready for work? We need to be there soon and I still want to take a shower" – Anna says, winking at me. I still try not to look at her, although I have pretty good damn picture of her boobs in my head (not that it's a bad picture). They're going to haunt me the whole day, I know they will. She doesn't make it easy on me and doesn't bother to wear anything, shielding herself only with her hands. I look helplessly at Kristin, who just squeezes my shoulder again and smiling at me.

"She's doing it to tease you, honey. Don't mind her." – I know she's just teasing me, but it's not that easy. She's a very attractive lady. I just nod my head and head outside to smoke some of embarrassment out. It's really quiet in the morning, although you can already see people that look like they're working for few hours. They probably are, I've learned that you have to start some jobs very early, before the dawn. Some of jobs, like cowsheds jobs, have to be done before the dawn. And working at the field is done before the heat hits at about 10AM. I hope I don't get one of those jobs, I love my sleep and I prefer to do it at night. The sleep, I mean.

My thoughts are interrupted by girls, who finally stumble outside of the caravan. We're turning in different directions, as me and Anna are going to the dining room and Kristin heads to her work place.

"So, how did you like my tits, Emily?" – Anna asking with innocent face and I grunt in response.

"Stop it! You have nice tits, but I don't like them. Tal does. Remember?" – I say, starting to get annoyed with this teasing.

"Okay, I'll stop. But you have to get laid, because you're too tense." – She says with the same innocent face.

"You sound awfully like Tal. It doesn't suit you" – I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs.

"He's right, though. You should find someone, you'll feel better" – She says, as we're getting inside the dining room.

"Now, shall we?" – She's waving her hand in dishwasher direction and I nod.

.

.

The day's continuing as usual, with a slight exception. We're not going anywhere between the breakfast and lunch, because we have the meeting with Rivka where we get our replacement for the next week. I'm being sent to a zoo. Like, literally. It's not a regular zoo. It's called Gan-Guru, because they raise kangaroos there. They also have pandas and other interesting animals. I love animals, I'm going to have so much fun there. I'm really excited to get out of the dining room. Anna, on the other hand got a job at the fields and she's not very happy about it. I don't think that apple picking would've been her choice of the perfect job. I'm actually sad I'm not going to work with her next week, she's been really entertaining. Maybe they'll put us together again later in the month.

The lunch passes without any disturbance and soon we're heading to the caravan for our free time. We need to get back in two hours for the dinner. We'll be only working on the dishwasher this time, because it's The Dinner and apparently they need Israeli workers on serving food. It's even better, as we don't get disturbed and can have a break when it's less busy. The food smells delicious and I can't wait for the official break. I hum happily to myself, loading the dirty dishes. I have a good feeling about today's evening. I need to relax myself in some alcohol and I know I'm going to get plenty of it at the party.

The time's flying away and soon enough the dinner is over and we're heading to the caravan to get ready for the party. Anna's hopping right in the shower and I'm left with my iPod. I put it on full volume and start singing along to Lady Gaga's _Disco Heaven_. I dance around the small room, rummaging in drawers as I get out coffee stuff. I need some caffeine before I get alcohol in my body, because if I don't – I'll just fall asleep and I want to get as fucked up as I can. I make us a coffee and sit on my bed with a crossword I brought with me on the plane. I was so nervous and lost in my thought that I didn't even try to solve it. I have time now, because Anna takes forever to shower…as always. It's fine today, though, because we have another hour until Tal comes to get us. I wonder where Kristin is…I know she finished her work long before us. She should be home now and she's not. I'm not worried, she's a big girl and knows this place better than both of us. Maybe she went early to the party.

Anna gets out of the shower in a towel and I'm suddenly reminded of her boobs. No, I can't see them now, but they've imprinted themselves very well into my mind. So I jump off the bed and run to the shower. Hopefully, she'll be fully dressed when I get out. I take a quick shower, not really feeling a need for longer one. I wrap the towel around myself and get out. Anna's still in her towel, trying to find something to wear. I see few pairs of heels she's checking out.

"Anna, this is a pool party. You can break your leg there if you wear heels." – I say a bit mockingly to her.

"I won't break anything. I'm the queen of the heels." – She says proudly and I just laugh at her antics. Sometimes she acts so much like Katie, I can't see the difference. If I was blind, I might even confuse them one day. Katie would hate Anna for sure. I'd love to see them in a room together, it could be very amusing.

"Alright, if you say so. Did you choose what to wear?" – I ask her, already knowing the answer.

"No! I need your help!" – She gets all her clothes from the drawers and starts throwing them around. I don't even know where to start and she's already panicking. I pick a top and a skirt that I think would look great on her and make her try it. It does look good. The top pushes out her already full boobs and the skirt shows just the right amount of skin. And no, I'm not looking at her boobs again! I'm not. No.

"Okay, this looks okay…" – She is a bit uncertain.

"It looks amazing. Now go put your make-up and let me get dressed." – I say, shooing her out of the room.

I put my own clothes, not forgetting the bikini. I apply a small amount of make-up, just enough to pop my eyes out a bit more, and a bit of lip gloss. I'm ready, so I go to the bathroom to check on Anna. She's still applying her make-up, it look like she's going for the whole "I'm slut, love me now" appearance. Tal's going to love it.

"C'mon, girl. Tal's coming in 5 minutes. We don't want to be late for this party, do we?" - I don't wait for her answer and go outside. I can have a fag while I'm waiting for her.

Tal's already sitting in one of the outside chairs, smoking his disgusting fags. He looks up at me and whistles.

"Looking good, Emily!" – Tonight I quite appreciate his reaction, because I do look good.

"Thank you" – I light my fag and take a long drag, smiling all the way like a loony. I don't care what he thinks about me. I plan to get trashed tonight and nothing's going to prevent me from doing so.

"Where's Anna? Still getting ready?" – He doesn't look bothered at all.

"Yeah…you know…girls" – I answer with a sly grin. "She's trying to impress you."

"Oh, yeah?" – Now he looks interested.

"I think you're going to like it." – My grin grows wider as his pupils dilate a little, he's probably thinking of her naked. Can't blame him, the girl's really fit.

The door of the caravan opens and Anna stumbles out on her ridiculously high heels. As predicted, Tal immediately starts to drool all over her. I can't help but appreciate her too, she does look good. Tal stands up and offers us both a hand.

"Such a gentleman!" – I say with the same sly grin and wink at Anna. She spanks him on the arse and takes his hand, while he's faking a pout.

The walk doesn't take more than five minutes and soon we hear loud trance music and people's noise coming from the pool. I guess the party already started. As we get closer, we see a lot of young people. I think we're the only volunteers there, though…except for Kristin, who looks pretty fucked up already.

"Emileeeeeeeehhhhhh" – She screams, running to me, stumbling slightly. She throws herself at me, not falling by some miracle and taking me down with her.

"Hi, Kristin. How much did you drink already?" – I hug her tightly to prevent her from falling.

"Ah, you know…a few" – She stutters on her words and only now I can see how dilated are her pupils. Okay, so definitely not only alcohol then. I sit her down and go to find Tal who disappeared in the crowd of drunken teens. They are dancing around the pool, some people are inside, they all have a glass of this or that. I want a glass of my own, so I head to the homemade bar on the side of the pool. Suddenly I find myself soaked as I've been thrown in the pool by some clumsy bitch. My clothes are ruined, as are my hair and make-up. And I didn't even get that bloody drink yet! I think I'm going to pull a Katie and punch the bitch in the face. As I come back to surface, I'm welcomed by big green eyes that are eyeing me curiously.

"Hello there, beautiful…" – The voice is deep, but sweet and I'm a bit entranced by it.

"I'm sorry about my friend over there, she's totally trashed. Why don't we get out of the pool and get you something to drink?" – Okay, I'm not used to get hit on this bluntly, but I really want that drink. I look up at her curiously before I get out too. She's actually wearing a bikini, showing off her perfectly fit body. Looks like she works out on a regular basis. Her hair is deep red, bordering with brown and she looks to be my height. I'm intrigued by her confidence, so I follow her.

By the time I catch up with her, she already made me a drink and is smiling at me shyly. I smile back and take the drink. Where did the confident girl, who hit on me a minute ago, go?

"It's only vodka and redbull, we don't really have much money for anything more expensive. If you don't like it, I could get you a beer…" – She's rambling and I find it adorable. I shake my head, taking a sip of my drink, looking her directly in the eyes. I can play this flirting game too.

"I'm Bar, by the way" – She says, extending her hand.

"Emily" – I shake her hand, still sipping on my drink. I'm not a fan of vodka/redbull, but it's mixed pretty well, so I finish it pretty soon.

We can't really chat because the music is very loud, but we sit there, sneaking glances at each other and smirking when catching each other doing that. After I finish my drink, she just takes my hand and takes me to the middle of the crowd. We dance together, keeping a good distance from each other, but our eyes don't leave each other. Thousands of thoughts run through my brain, but I don't pay any attention to them. The only thing I can pay attention to now are those big green eyes, that look at me so intently, I fear they could burn a hole in my skull. We dance and drink and dance more and soon I'm so fucked up I have a problem standing up right. So I go and sit with another drink, watching Bar dancing by herself. She looks free, happy to be by herself. This is until she turns to me and starts this little seductive dance, looking me directly in the eyes. I don't get to see it all though, as I suddenly am yanked away from the crowd by crying Anna. I don't know what happened and I don't have time to say anything to Bar. I'm too drunk to think about it, so I let Anna drag me to the caravan. We just fall onto the bed and as soon as her tears subside we fall asleep. All I dream about is green.

.

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**A/N : So, what do you think? Like, dislike, anything? Please let me know :-)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N : Thanks again to everyone for great reviews.** And a special thanks to lazy_boo for BETA, you're awesome :-)** Actually, this chapter wasn't in my first work plan, but as some of you know, sometimes when you start to write - the writing decides for you where to go, and not always it's going by a plan :-) Hope you like it anyway.**

**Chapter 6**

.

The birds are too loud. Why are they so cheery at this early hour? Why can't they just shut the fuck up? My head feels like it's splitting in two. I think I have the worst hangover I've ever had. It's compounded by Anna snoring loudly directly in my ear and the incredible heat from outside. I need water. But I need to get out of the bed first. I cautiously open one eye and shut it very fast. I lie like this for a bit, but I'm really thirsty, so I attempt to open my eyes for the second time. It's working better now, although I can only open them slightly, or I risk the hangover to grow even more. I slowly push myself to a seated position and look around. I'm still in my party clothes, same as Anna. Her face is a complete mess, make-up is smeared all over it. She cried herself to sleep and I still have no idea what happened. But right now my first priority is water. I get out the bed and slowly creep to the sink. I drink a full glass of water in one gulp, then another and I feel slightly better, as the cold liquid makes its way to my empty stomach. I rummage through the drawers for something against the headache, but there's nothing around. So I decide to take a shower, it usually helps me while hangover. I take clean clothes and head straight there, stripping and getting under the hot water. My aching body appreciates it and I relax, closing my eyes. Suddenly I hear a loud bang and the door to the bathroom opens. I curse the bloody shower as it doesn't have a curtain and try to shield myself with my heads. However, Anna isn't bothered about me being in a shower and just pukes her lungs out. Not a sound I wanted to hear on a hangover morning, I have to say. I jump out of the shower and push her hair away from her face. I rub her back slightly, until her heavy breathing subsides. She looks up at me and smirks.

"You're naked" – She says, grinning at me.

"Of course I'm naked, I was in the middle of the shower!" – I feel a deep blush creeping on my face, as I get up and wrap myself in a towel. "Can I please finish it now, if you're done?"

"Yeah…but don't take too long, I need a shower too" – I say, pushing her outside and hopping back in the shower. Yes, we definitely need shower curtain. I can't afford myself being walked on like this, my imagination is too good and frustration is too big.

The shower's done and I feel slightly better. As I get back to the room, my senses are filled with coffee and bacon. Someone's been cooking and I'm pretty sure Anna can't cook. She tried to make us pancakes once and almost burned our little caravan. Since then I've been the cooker. Now, however, it's Tal cooking us breakfast. Anna's pouting on her bed, clearly in pain.

"Go take shower, noisy bitch" – I stick my tongue out to her and get a slap on my hand and a smirk. She knows I'm only joking. She does what she's told and disappears in the shower. I turn to Tal.

"What the fuck happened yesterday?" – I don't really like to go around, so I ask him the question that was bothering me since I woke up.

"What do you mean?" – I see he tries to play innocent, but it's not working on me.

"Why Anna was so upset yesterday? What have you done?" – I start to lose my patience. My friend was very upset yesterday and I got interrupted in the middle of very interesting evening. I need answers and I need them now.

"I didn't do anything! I was just hanging out with my buddies and she interpreted it all wrong. I can't help most of my buddies are girls." – He winks at me, licking the cooking spoon. He's awfully filthy and I like it.

"So what, you did nothing wrong?" – I say, still suspicious anything could be innocent.

"I might've kissed one of them…" – He trails off. Of course he did, silly bastard. "But I've already explained it to Anna. We're fine now."

"Alright. But you ruined the end of my evening" – I pout at him a little, because really, I just started to have my fun there.

"Oh yes, I've seen you with Bar." – He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I have to roll my eyes.

"Nothing happened. And nothing would happen. But I was having fun and I was interrupted. So now you get to cook for me every evening for the next week" – I say victoriously and clap my hands.

"Fair enough" – He nods and brings me a plate with omelet, bacon and vegetables. It smells good and my stomach grumbles furiously. I tuck in and finish the plate in record time. All the time Tal's watching me closely as if he's not sure I'm going to forgive him.

"Tell me about Bar" – I ask, my mouth full of food.

"Well…what do you want to know?" – He isn't going to make it easy on me. Fuck it.

"How old is she? Does she live around here? Is she gay?" – I fire my questions at him, because I really am curious.

"Well, she just turned 20, she's born in Kibbutz and she's soldier now. That means she's home only for weekends. And yes, she's very gay. Why, are you interested?" – His smile becomes sly and I regret I asked him anything.

"No…" – I mumble to myself, not quiet able to make an eye contact with him.

I'm saved by Anna waltzing out of the shower. She looks from Tal to me and backwards, clearly trying to find out what we're talking about.

"Why did you stop talking?" – She asks, obviously very curious. Probably thinking we were talking about her. Which we did, but not in this minute. I'm not feeling like talking more about any girls, so I just shrug and change the subject.

"So, what are we doing today?" – I ask Tal, ignoring Anna's glare.

"Well…I was thinking…" – He trails off and I have a feeling their plans don't include me. My guess is being confirmed later, when Anna explains they're going to spend some time alone, but they'll be back before dinner time. I check my watch and see it's 12PM already.

"I have one question before you go" – I look at Tal, asking for permission. He looks back at me quizzically.

"I want to call my sister, how can I do it around here?" – I guess I could use my free time by calling Katie, I really miss her.

"Here. Take this phone card, it'll give you ten minutes call. There are lots of payphones around the Kibbutz, choose one and make your call." – He smiles at me and hands me a card. And just like that they're gone and I'm left alone. I decide to walk around the Kibbutz for a bit and make that phone call.

I end up on the green near the small Synagogue, my favorite place in Kibbutz. I spot a phone few feet from me, but decide to wait a bit, as I'm pretty sure Katie's still snoring loudly after a long night out. I still have a headache, but it's not that big now. I just sit there with my fag, thinking about last week. It was a good week, eventful I'd say. My thoughts drift to last night. I'm really intrigued by that girl, her green eyes haunted my dreams whole night. I'd like to see her again, but I don't know if I want any more flirting. I don't feel ready. I'm confused. I need to talk to Katie, now.

I get up and make my way to the phone. The phone number is printed in my mind and I just click the digits on autopilot. It rings 4 times until it gets picked up and very grumpy Katie answers me.

"Hello!" – She's definitely annoyed, I probably woke her from her beauty sleep.

"Hey Katie" – I say in a light voice, laughing quietly when I hear her squeal on the other end.

"Emsy! You sneaky bitch, why are you calling me only now?" – She sounds annoyed, but I know she's happy to hear me.

"Glad to hear you too, Katie. How've you been?" - Now I finally understand how much I missed her.

"Oh, you know…up and down" – Yes, I do know. Katie has been through a lot last year and I can only wonder how she is coping there without me.

"How are you, Emsy?" – She sounds a bit desperate now she's fully awake. "I'm missing you like hell!"

"I miss you too, Katie. I'm fine, it's a bit too hot here, but otherwise it's a nice place. I even made some friends already" – I say proudly.

"Please don't tell me about your love life, I'd seen enough of it when you dated the blonde cow" – She scolds at me. I suddenly feel sadness wash over me. I miss Naomi almost as much as I miss Katie. But I can't allow myself to miss her, because I'm the one who ended it.

"How's Naomi?" – I can't help but ask her.

"How should I know? Last I've heard she was leaving for University in London" – She's irritated, obviously isn't interested in talking about her. Katie's never been Naomi's big fan. "Anyway, tell me about these friends of yours"

So I tell her everything – Anna and Tal, Kristin, the flight, the work. The only thing I leave out is the girl with big green eyes. Katie doesn't need to know about every girl that catches my eye. To Katie's credit, she listens to me almost without interruptions. She just adds a comment here and there, but otherwise she just lets me spill my guts to her because she knows I need it more than anything right now. But all too soon the cards says it's about to end and I have to finish this call. I promise Katie to call her next week and hang up. This was a good conversation, I feel more content now as I know Katie's fine. I was a bit worried about her, but she's alright. Still the same bitchy Katie, although I know it's only an act. She misses me no less than I miss her.

I go back to my spot by the Synagogue with silly smile. I think about what Katie said and my smile widens. Naomi went to the University in London. She did what she wanted to do after all. It's a good thing. I never wanted to be the one holding back her dreams. I feel better knowing she didn't give up on them. Everything's going to be better, time is all we need.

I get back to the caravan just in time for the glorious dinner Tal's preparing for us all. It smells amazing and my stomach grumbles in anticipation. I get inside and see the happy picture – Tal's humming to the loud music by the stove, Anna and Kristin are giggling on the bed and the big green eyes are looking expectantly at me. I wave awkwardly to them all, staring in these green eyes, unable to look somewhere else. Why is this so awkward? She just smiles at me and walks to speak to Tal. I wonder if their little chat has something to do with me.

I jump on the bed beside Anna, making her and Kristin jump a little. I giggle nervously and Anna winks at me, darting her eyes in Bar's direction. I punch her arm lightly, because really, I'm too nervous as it is and don't need any more teasing. Kristin just laughs a rich throaty laugh, obviously finding the whole situation very entertaining. I feel my ears redden and lower my eyes to my lap. I still feel Bar's intense gaze on me, although she doesn't make any move towards me, just chatting to Tal while he's cooking.

"She likes you" – I hear Anna whisper in my ear. "And you like her."

"I do not!" – I become defensive, because I know she's right. I can't even look Anna in the eyes, because I'm a terrible liar. My eyes always told the truth, the only people who couldn't see it are my family. I was an open book for the rest of the world.

"Yes, you do!" – She giggles, tapping her finger on the end of my nose. I let out a little laugh and bury my head in her lap, because the blush spreads from my ears to my face and I can't let Bar see me like this.

"Alright, the dinner is almost ready. Emily, Bar, why don't you go outside to make a table?" – Tal says with an innocent smile, but I know he's anything but innocent. Nor is Bar, as she's winking at me while she's stepping outside. I get pushed out of the bed by both Anna and Kristin, I don't really have a choice now, do I?

So I head outside after her. Bar keeps sending shy smiles my way while we're setting the table. We don't talk, partially because I'm scared to open my mouth. I tend to say stupid things when I'm nervous, so I prefer to stay silent.

I'm saved by Anna again. This girl can chat for everyone. They bring out the food and chat together loudly. Me and Bar still didn't say a word to each other, but it's alright. I still feel the same connection I felt yesterday. And her eyes, they're smiling at me, genuinely smiling.

"Tal, this is really delicious!" – I exclaim. Didn't I say I'm starving? "Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"I've just finished serving my army duties, I've been a cook. 3 years of cooking for hundreds starved soldiers and here I am, cooking for a bunch of skinny girls" – He says, earning a small slap from Anna.

"Well, Emily might be skinny, but she can eat for a whole army" – Anna says, smirking slyly at me.

I just wink at her and shove another spoon full of food in my mouth. I earn a cute little laugh from Bar and I blush. I can't help it, I'm a bit embarrassed. But then she smirks at me and I find myself grinning back like a loony. What can I say…I love my food, and Tal made a splendid meal.

After we finish I'm going to wash the dishes. It's only fair, isn't it? As I wash, I hear others laugh outside and smile. They're good friends, I'm glad I've met them. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder and almost jump out of my skin, letting out a small squeal.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" – Bar smiles at me sympathetically.

"No, it's fine…I just didn't expect it" – I smile back, blushing slightly.

"Can I help? I could dry those dishes for you" – She says, pointing to the dishes I cleaned already.

"Alright" – I shrug, not really wanting to show my excitement. She takes a towel and starts drying plates.

"So, Emily…where are you from?" – She says nonchalantly, giving me a shy smile. But I know it's only an act, I'm pretty positive Tal's told her all about me.

"England" – I answer as nonchalantly. Two can play the game, right?

"British kid then. Cool. I was wondering where your accent is from" – She says, taking a plate from my hands. Our fingers brush and I take a look at her from the corner of my eye. She stopped drying and staring intently at the plate, like it's burning her.

"Are you alright?" – I ask, worried a little.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry" – She's definitely not alright, but I know better than push it further. We barely know each other, and I don't really want to intrude. "Just got a bit caught in my head"

She's still not looking at me, so I keep washing the dishes silently. I wonder what's going on in that beautiful head of hers. Did she catch that electricity spark I felt when our fingers brushed? I continue to look at her from the corner of my eye and I see her breathing slightly faster than she should. That's interesting. What is she thinking about?

I decide to check it. I scoot a little bit closer to her and "accidently" brush my hand on her wrist, deliberately not looking at her. I hear a sharp intake of a breath that tells me I was right. She likes me. But what do I do with this information now? Am I really ready for any kind of relationship right now? I don't know if I'm capable of handling this pressure just yet. But I can have some fun here and there, right? So I decide to play a bit further. I see a hand towel on the other side of the sink, the side Bar's standing at. I bend over, knowing full well my cleavage is now right in front of her eyes. I smile to myself when I see her turning bright red, still staring at the same plate in her hands. Always works like a charm, eh? I take a plate from her hands and when she's looking at me, I just wink at her. I don't know how she manages to blush even more, but she does. Suddenly she excuses herself and walks straight to the bathroom. Maybe I pushed too much? I hear her start the water and mutter something to herself. I don't understand because it's in Hebrew, but I have a feeling she curses. I feel a bit guilty for playing with her like this, but the guilt vanishes pretty fast, as she's getting out of the bathroom and strides straight towards me. I don't really have a chance to think while she crashes her lips with mine in a hungry kiss. It takes me few seconds to respond, but when I do the kiss becomes more urgent. Her lips are so soft, but as I start to relax into the kiss, she pulls away and runs away, shaking her head at me. I don't understand what just happened. She kissed me and ran away. It all seems so familiar that I feel a single tear escape my eye. I don't let myself cry though. It was nothing, right? Just a kiss. It was only a kiss. Then why does it hurt this much? And why I feel another tear make its way down my cheek? I curl into a ball on my bed, still pretty shocked, and start sobbing quietly. I close my eyes and beg myself to stop, but I can't. That's when I feel a hand on my back, rubbing it softly. I look up and see Kristin smile sadly at me.

"It'll be alright, dear. Everything's going to work itself out very soon" – She say in a soothing voice and again I find myself believing her. She's scooting in my bed beside me and wraps her hands around me in a tight hug. She whispers soothing nothings to my head as I continue to sob lightly. Suddenly I'm very tired, and I feel myself drift off under her soft whispering. The last thing I hear is opening door and a quiet "I'm sorry" in my direction.

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**A/N: There you go. Review please? Like, dislike, anything? :-)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

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"Fuck! Fuck fuckity fuck!" – I curse, running around the room, like a chicken without a head. I'm late. I'm so fucking late for my first day at the new work place! How could I sleep through my alarm clock's loud ringing? I remember vaguely waking up while it started ringing, just to turn it off and roll on my other side. Now it's 7:45 and I have to be at dining room in 15 minutes. I don't have time for shower and breakfast, that's for sure. I run to the bathroom to brush my teeth and run a hair brush through my very messy bed hair. I'm trying to do both at the same time, but it's not working to well. I'm still only in my knickers and bra, as I run back into room, trying to find what to wear and make a coffee at the same time. I can't get to work without my morning coffee, can I?

Finally, I stumble outside with coffee mug in my hands. I decided to wear a loose white t-shirt and my favorite shorts, it's hot and I'm going to be outside for most of the day. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't have time for a shower, it wouldn't help anyway. I take a look at my watch and see I have five minutes to get to the dining room. I take a mug with me and light a fag. As I walk, I think about yesterday's events. I really have no idea what happened with Bar. It was a light kiss, not a lingering or hot one. It wasn't supposed to scare either of us, but it obviously did. It scared me too. I didn't think I could feel anything for another person yet, still I was kissing back and my lips were tingling afterwards. But she ran away and it hurt me. It still hurts. I don't know a story behind her behavior, I don't even know if I'd get to see her again. I hope I will.

My musings are interrupted by car horn. I look up and see Tal in the car near the dining room.

"Emily, get in! We're going to be late!" – He screams at me and I pick my pace.

"Alright, alright, calm down. I'm here, aren't I?" – I scold at him, annoyed by his antics. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm your boss for this week!" – He's still angry at me being late and I really feel like smacking him around the head right now. I don't like the bossy Tal, I'll have to talk to him later. I decide to ignore it for now though, because I still have a whole work day ahead and I don't want it to be an angry one.

Ten minutes later we're pulling outside small looking zoo. Tal gets out and leads the way without saying a word. I find myself almost running after him once again, much like I was at the first day we've met. We get inside the gates and I'm amazed by how green everything looks around us. It's like oasis in the middle of desert, even if we're technically not in the desert. There are so many trees around this little space! I look around curiously, trying to follow Tal at the same time. Suddenly he stops in front of the small souvenirs shop and turns to me.

"Wait here, I'll bring you the t-shirt. What size are you, small?" – He asks, checking me out more than needed to see my size. I roll my eyes at him and nod. He winks and disappears inside. I take my time looking more around. There are two paths heading right and left from the shop, with a small bridge between them that heads straight. I wonder if the paths make a circle, because the place really looked tiny from outside.

"Put this on. You can go to the bathroom, if you want to change. I'll wait here" – Tal smiles at me, obviously in a better mood after his little trip to the shop. I go to the bathroom and change my t-shirt to the zoo one. There's a huge kangaroo on the front, quite cute one. Even being small size, the t-shirt is falling from one of my shoulder. Tal's shaking his head at me with a cheeky smile and I can only shrug. I'm small, okay? Small, but proud Fitch.

"Let's go now, little Red. I'll give you a tour and tell you what your job's going to be. I think you'll like it." – He winks at me and I huff. I'm not really comfortable in the large t-shirt and it's getting pretty hot outside. And when it's too hot, I get grumpy.

"So, your job is easy. When you get here in the morning, you have to go to the kangaroo section and collect all poop. Don't worry, it's mostly dry little balls, not even smelly." – I'm sure my face shows now a disgusted grimace, because he lets out a loud throaty laugh.

"You'll have an hour for this job. Usually it gets done in 20 minutes. The zoo opens at 9AM and closes at 6PM. You'll get a lunch here and several breaks. You can go to the shop and get ice lollipops on your breaks for free, by the way." – My eyes lit up with this little piece of information. I love ice lolly!

"Do you like bunnies and other fluffy animals?" – The question is so out of blue, I just give him a blank stare. "Bunnies. Do you like them?"

"Erm…huh…I guess so?" – I answer uncertainly, still trying to figure out what the hell is he talking about.

"Then you'll be happy to know you'll be working whole week with fluffy stuff. There'll be another girl, working with two cockatoos. You can ask her, if you need any help or translation. Most of costumers are children, some of them could be very aggressive. You'll be there to take care of fluffy ones. So if there's a kid who's trying to do something nasty – just ask Dana for help. She'll yell at them in Hebrew" – He chuckles a bit. I just hope all bunnies will be still alive by the end of the day.

"You'll get your free day on Wednesday. We're going on a trip to Tel-Aviv and airport" – He winks at me again and I find myself winking back. I could do with a bit of free time, away from Kibbutz.

He shows me around more and leaves me with the kangaroos. I've never seen a real kangaroo. There are lots of them – big and small ones. There's a person feeding them so I walk to him, asking what I should do now. He waves his hand in the direction of a small shed and I make my way there. I take sweeping stuff and start collecting the poop. Tal was right, most of it looks like small dried balls, so it's easy to sweep. I'm walking around the lazy kangaroos, most of them still lying around in trees shadows. Some younger ones are playing with each other, running around like little kids. As I finish, I take the stuff back to the shed and sit near it with a fag. I still have about half hour until Tal comes to get me, so I take my time to smoke and watch the kangaroos. They're quite big, the small ones are probably bigger than me. Suddenly, I see a head popping out of the big one's pouch. It's so surreal. The head's looking around curiously, its eyes darting to mine and blink at me once. Then the head disappears back in the pouch. Well, that was interesting. I keep watching the mother-kangaroo in the hopes of see the little one again, to no avail. It obviously had enough of this world for a moment, or maybe it was me?

Just as I stub out the fag I see Tal coming towards me with a big smile on his face and a bottle of water in his hands. He throws the water at me and I catch it clumsily.

"So, how did you like the poop?" – I'm in the middle of the so needed water gulp, but his question throws me into fit of violent coughing. He laughs maniacally at me. I show him a finger, still coughing. He erupts with even louder laugher.

"C'mon, time to meet your little fluffy friends." – He puts his arm around my shoulder and squeezes a bit.

Ten minutes later and I'm left alone again. Almost alone that is. The bunnies and hamsters are running around me and I'm struggling to catch them. So I just sit in the middle of the big box with them and let them run over me. I start giggling when their fluffy legs tickle my thighs. Ok, so I might look like a five years old surrounded by bunnies, but I'm having so much fun! I get some funny looks from the girl with parrots, but I really can care less. I have few minutes and I'm going to enjoy them.

Eventually I have to get up to clean the box before people come to play with the animals. I take the bunnies away and start scrubbing. They might be fluffy and cute, but they shit quite a lot. As I'm cleaning, I cast my eyes in parrots' direction. There are two big white cockatoos, sitting on each of Dana's shoulders. They're just sitting there, lazily crackling from time to time. I guess they're hot too. Or maybe they're just naturally lazy. I don't have much time for musing over them, as people start to come to the spot and I have to get the bunnies to the box.

The crowds are so different. There's a religious family with 12 kids, each of them wants their own bunny and I have to work pretty hard to keep both sides safe. Did you know bunnies bite very hard, when they're stressed? Well, let's say the marks on my hands could tell you how hard they bite. Finally, this huge family moves to torture the parrots. I change the water for the bunnies and they relax slightly. Until the next family comes, right?

The time goes by and soon enough I have my first break. So I take my twenty minutes to wander around, but not until I go to the shop to get my much deserved ice lolly. I choose the grapes one and walk outside to look around. There are small decorative pools all around with black and white swans swimming together. It's a really gorgeous vision and I take few minutes to stare at them. I feel like five years old once more, wanting to feed the swans and just run around happily. I continue wandering around. There are lots of different birds in this place, most of them look very odd. One of them is cassowary and it's looking at me like it's going to bite me in the arse right now. I decide to take off to kangaroos, this bird looked pretty angry and I really don't want to be a victim of a hungry bird.

Kangaroo place is packed. So many people and much more kangaroos joined the ones who were lazing around in the morning. It seems like they don't even care about the people, probably very used to them. Some of the children try to play with younger kangaroos. I sit on the bench and just watch them. It's really amazing what they've done in this place. Kangaroos are running around you, not caged and happy. Most of the birds walk around freely too. The only caged ones are koalas, some parrots and some of more dangerous animals, like bats. Yes, there are even bats here. They're sleeping right now, of course, but you still can see them. Scary, but beautiful creatures…much like my Katie. I giggle at this thought and keep staring at the kangaroos. I watch how a leg pops out of one's pouch and giggle more. It can't be too comfortable there, can it? Unfortunately, my break is over and I have to head back to my fluffy friends.

Few more hours pass by without much stress for little ones. It's really hot outside now and I guess people don't like being outside much at this time of the day. Better for us, I guess. I move bunnies to their cages in the air conditioned shed and start cleaning the big box. I hum to myself, but I'm interrupted by a loud laugh. I look up and see Tal with another bottle of water laughing at me.

"Are you having fun?" – He asks me in amused voice. I just nod and smirk at him.

"These fluffy things are pretty amazing" – I say, grinning at him. I'm really enjoying myself in this place, despite the heat.

"Ready for the lunch then?" – He asks me with the same amused smirk.

My stomach grumbles at his question and he laughs again.

"I guess it's a yes. C'mon then, finish here and come to the shop. Our packed lunch is waiting for us" – With this he's turning around and leaving in direction of the shop. I finish cleaning and head firstly to the bathroom to clean myself a bit. My white t-shirt is almost grey now, but nobody seems to care. Why should I care then? I wash my hands and face, feeling fresher by a second. I look in the mirror and see my eyes smiling back at me. It's a good thing, isn't it?

I make my way to the shop, looking around me at beautiful swans. It's almost peaceful now, not lots of people still around. It's 2pm right now and I'm way too hungry to think about it.

"There you are! What took you so long?" – I hear Tal before I see him. "Oh, you've cleaned yourself. Good. Looking much cuter without mud on your face"

I stick my tongue at him and take my lunch. It's got chicken and potatoes, and some sort of salad. I don't care much right now, as I'm starved. I've been so busy earlier that I didn't even realize how hungry I am. Tal is laughing at my eating habits again, but I don't care about that either. Let the girl eat in peace, yeah? I continue munching happily on my lunch, trying to make the most of the air conditioning at the same time. It's hot outside, almost too hot.

"The place's closing in 3 hours. I'll be waiting for you right here at 5:30PM, alright?" – He tells me before he leaves. I take another ice lolly and go back to my bunnies.

Three more hours pass by in a blur between cleaning the cages, playing with bunnies and trying to save them from the cruel children. Really, why would they want to take poor bunny's head off? I almost got in a fight with the kid who wanted to do it. Dana saved the situation, explaining him in Hebrew why the bunny needs its head. Now I think I need someone to explain why this kid needs his head. Because I'm very close to biting it off! Poor bunny…being tortured like this…

As the last family leaves, I get into the box gain and cuddle with poor little creatures. They're less stressed when there are no crowds around. I gather them together and talk to them, gaining some strange looks from other workers. I really could care less, because my fluffy friends need some soothing before they get caged and I intend to do just that.

"Are you sure you never worked with bunnies before?" – One of the workers asks me and I nod. When I was little, I've been begging my mum to get me a bunny, but she hated pets, any kind of pets. She tried to teach us to hate them too, it did work with Katie. Never worked with me though, I always loved pets. It took me few years to learn I'd never get a pet as long as I live in Fitch household. Now I'm a grown up, though. I'm definitely going to get me a puppy as soon as I'll get back home. Or maybe I'll get a bunny. Or maybe both. Yes, definitely both.

The time's running and I have to put animals in their cages. I kiss each of them and start cleaning the box. Ten minutes later I've changed in my own t-shirt and heading to the shop. Tal's already waiting for me, which is a good thing, because all I need now is a long shower and he's the one to get me home.

"So, how was your first day?" – He asks, handing me two more zoo t-shirts.

"Amazing, but tiring." – I answer him with a happy smile. "Some kids shouldn't be allowed near animals or any live creature in general"

"Yeah, I know what you mean" – He says, heading to the car. "I remember my first day. I thought I'm going to kill all the kids for being so cruel. You'll get used to it."

I nod to myself and follow him. I know the kids don't mean any harm, even if it looks like they do.

"We have to pick up Anna from her work in 30 minutes. Do you want to grab something to eat meanwhile?" – Tal asks me, as we get into the car. My stomach answers once again by grumbling very loud. "I really don't know where you put it all, to be honest. Alright, dinner it is."

We drive for a few minutes to a town, where we buy falafel in pita, referred by Tal as national dish of Israel. Falafel balls are made from chickpeas with lots of different spices and are served in pita with various salads. It's kind of yummy, although pretty strange. You have to get used to it, but it's not bad at all. Especially if you're starved like me right now. I wash it down with grapes juice and feel pretty content. The rest of our journey to Anna's work place is made in silence, just because I'm too full to talk.

"Heeeeeey, you two!" – I hear Anna before I have a chance to get out of the car. She's on Tal in seconds, kissing him and hugging him for dear life. He's not objecting, though I feel like a third wheel again. It doesn't take long for her to let Tal go and hung on me, kissing my cheek and hugging me tightly. The girl's strange, but I love her. Her cheery attitude to life is definitely a good thing in my sad life.

"Hey, Anna" – I giggle in her hands, slapping them, when she's trying to tickle me. "Are you drunk already?"

She laughs at my joke and gets in the car.

"Can we go home now? I need a shower." – Anna says and I can say goodbye to all my dreams of long shower. I never can beat Anna to the shower.

Soon enough we're home and I take few minutes outside to smoke a fag. Anna runs straight to the shower and Tal heads to his room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. It was a good day, better than good. I didn't have time to think and my little fluffy friends wouldn't let me sulk even if I wanted to. It was a good day indeed.

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**A/N : So, what did you think about Emsy and her little fluffy friends? :-) Review please, like, dislike, anything?**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N : Thanks everyone for great reviews. I'm going on vacation in 8 days. I'm not sure I'll be able to update the story before, but I hope I will :-) So don't be angry with me if I don't :-) Keep reviewing, it really helps with motivation. Now, should we continue? :-)**

**Chapter 8**

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**BANG! BANG! BANG!**

I jump out of the bed at the loud banging on my door. When I say I "jump out" of the bed, I really mean I'm falling out of the bed on my poor bum, feeling the pain straight at the tail bone. I yelp from the pain, because it really fucking hurts. The door opens and worried Tal stumbles inside.

"What happened? What the hell? Did you fall from your bed gin?" – His face isn't worried anymore, he's mocking me. I show him a finger and try to stand up. I cry out again and he gives me a hand.

"C'mon, little Red, lie down. I'll make you a coffee." – He smiles at me and goes over to the sink to put a kettle on.

"Why did you have to band so loud? Scared the shit out of me, you bloody freak!" – I finally find my tongue and yell at him. He is decent enough to look guilty, even though the smirk is firmly in place.

"Sorry, Emily, I thought you've been awake already." – He shrugs at me and continues to make my coffee. "It's 8AM and we need to get out in an hour if we want to make it in time."

"Where are we going? You said we're going on a trip to Tel-Aviv and the airport." – I say, confused by this sudden change of plans.

"It's a surprise. We're still going to Tel-Aviv, but you need to wear something smart, like I do." – He says, gesturing to his own clothes. Only now I notice he does look pretty smart. He's got elegant jeans on and a blue beautiful shirt. "Do you have anything smart to wear or do we need to go shopping?"

"I'd love to do some shopping…" – I say with a shy smile. I love shopping, a habit I took from being Katie's twin, I guess.

"Alright. Go take fast shower and we'll get on the road earlier." – He says and I'm running to the shower. I wonder what's his surprise is. I love surprises and I get to buy me a shiny new dress for this one. It takes me five minutes to finish shower, I wrap myself in towel and get out, brushing my hair. Tal's nowhere to be seen, but my coffee's waiting for me at the table. I look outside and sure enough, Tal's sitting outside with a fag. I'm moving around the room, trying to get ready as fast as I can. I don't put much thought in my clothes, as I'm going to buy another dress to wear later. But I put a hint of make-up, something I didn't do since I landed in Israel. I look at the mirror and it looks good. Feels good too, actually. My eyes are shining and I look pretty happy.

I take my coffee and cigarettes and join Tal outside. I'm excited for this little trip, even if I have no idea what has he planned for us.

"I like the make-up, little Red." – He complements me and I let a sly grin appear on my face.

"Thank you. Now all I need is a new dress for this make-up" – I joke and he laughs with me.

"Ready, then?" – He stands up and offers me a hand. I take it and let him lead me to the car.

.

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Almost two hours later we're parking the car in the the busiest part of Tel-Aviv. At least that's what Tal's told me. It does look busy, although it's still not midday yet. As I get out of the car, I'm hit straight in the face by humidity. I could see the sea out of window for almost half of our journey. I'd love a dip, but right now I need to do some shopping. Maybe later, Tal asked me to bring a bikini, so we're probably going for a swim after his surprise.

"Okay, you see all the shops? You have one hour. Go for it, little Red!" – He laughs at my excitement. I probably got the same glint in my eyes Katie usually gets when she sees shops. We are twins after all.

"I hope an hour will be enough." – I'm a bit frightened by the amount of shops.

"You know what you're looking for – a smart, but casual dress, nothing too fancy, but not the beach stuff also. And get some sandals, maybe. No heels, yeah?" – He explains and I nod. "Go on then, you don't have much time."

"Wait, aren't you coming with me?" – I am confused now. I've never been good at shopping by my own. I need a company, I can't decide on anything alone.

"Oh no, I hate shopping. I'll just wait for you in that coffee shop." – He gestures at the small coffee shop at the end of the street.

"Oh, c'mon, come with me! I need help!" – I almost beg him, but he's having none of it. He just smirks at me and goes away. I don't have a choice but start looking around, if I want to wear something else in an hour. There are so many different shops, so many clothes…I need to try them all on!

Forty minutes later I'm well frustrated. I've tried so many clothes on, but I just can't find that perfect outfit. I wander in yet another shop and suddenly I see it. The checkered black and white knee-length 60's style dress, it looks perfect. I try it on and know it's the one. It's hugging me perfectly in the top and is loose at the bottom. It has big straps and a nice large belt. It looks pretty fancy, but at the same time it's just a cute summer dress. I love it. The shop worker nods her approval and I smile at her. I ask her to show me some sandals to go with it and sure enough she has something equally beautiful.

I pay for my purchases and get out of the shop with a happy grin, heading straight to the coffee shop I've left Tal at. He's reading a paper and doesn't see me until I'm standing before him, almost invading his personal space. He looks up at me and his jaw drops to the floor.

"Wow!" – I think it's the only thing he can say right now, as he's currently drooling all over me.

"Close your mouth, honey, it's not attractive" – I wink smugly at him and sit down. He closes his mouth only to open it again.

"That's one hell of appearance, little Red!" – I like his appreciation. I know the dress looks amazing on me. I'd really like to know where he is taking me, though.

"Do you like it? Is this dress suitable for whatever you planned?" – I smile at his antics, he still is drooling all over the table.

"Yes, perfectly suitable." – He answers, trying to look down my cleavage.

"Oi! Cut it out!" – I slap him around the head, because he's really crossing the line now.

"Alright, alright. You look great." – He smiles at me warmly and I can't help but return the smile. "Now drink your coffee, we have to be there in forty minutes."

"Where are we going?" – I try again, this time putting my best pouty face on.

"I told you, it's a surprise." – He's not buying it and I'm slightly disappointed. I love surprises, but I'm really dying to find out what this one is about.

"But…" – My pouty face obviously isn't working, so I just drop it. "It's a nice surprise, right?"

"Yes, Emily, it is a nice surprise. C'mon then, finish your coffee and let's go." – He's back in his business mode again. I finish the coffee and stand up, happy to see him drooling all over again.

Twenty minutes later and we're out of Tel-Aviv. All the way Tal's telling me about places I see from the window. This is fascinating, Israel is so different to UK. First of all, there's the heat. There was not one rain drop since I came here. Second, it's the landscape. It looks like a desert outside towns and villages, but when you get inside – it's all so green, as if you just got inside of big living oasis. Third thing, and most important, are people. They're noisy, but warm. They might look rude from outside, but they're sweet inside. I look at Tal from the corner of my eye. He's so passionate about his country. I wish I could be so passionate about my own country. But right now it's the place of pain, while this place brought nothing but happy times in my life. Well, with one exception, but I'm not going to think about it now.

Suddenly we pull outside a big fence and Tal gets out of the car to talk to the guard. I see it's a soldier. Are we at the military base? We get permission and Tal drives a car further into the base.

"Tal? Where are we?" – I ask, a bit scared, but curious at the same time.

"Okay, it's time to spill a bit of a surprise. My little brother just finished his military boot-camp and today he's getting his diploma and army cap. You see, here every army unit has its own cap color. Dani is going to get a bottle green cap. You can't ask him questions about his job, though. Alright?" – He says with a serious face and I nod, still scared. What if I don't get outside these walls because of my tongue?

"Don't look so scared, little Red. It's an official ceremony, all my family is going to be there. I thought you'd like to see the ceremony" – He winks at me and I don't really understand why. I have to meet his whole family too? Oh god, what did I get myself into?

"Okaaaayyy…" – I trail off, letting him know how unsettled I feel right now.

"It'll be fine. And there's still half of surprise I didn't tell you about" – He says with cheeky smirk. "Now get out of the car, we're here."

I reluctantly open the door and step outside. The heat is really bad here and I'm happy I have a dress on. Fuck, the dress. Now whole Tal's family is going to see me in a dress. Suddenly I become very self-conscious. Tal probably feels my hesitation and puts an arm around my shoulders.

"Stop freaking out, little Red." – He says and I immediately calm down. I wonder briefly if this is what having an older brother feels like. I don't have much time to ponder about it, as we're getting closer to our destination and I see a little girl running to us.

"Taaaaaaal!" – She screams loudly and throws her arms around his waist. He kisses her head and picks her up. He says something to her in Hebrew, that involves my name, and she flashes me a huge grin. I smile back and look at Tal expectantly.

"Emily, meet my little sister Noa" – He says and nods at her. She offers me a hand and I shake it slightly. She wriggles out of his hands and runs back to her family. We're about to head after her, if I'm being honest I'm a bit frightened, but Tal's reassuring hand is back around my shoulders and the easiness is back. That's when I spot a familiar face among his big family.

"Is this Rivka?" – I ask surprised to see her there.

"Yes. She's my mother. Didn't I tell you that?" – He says with a laugh and I smack him on the arm. "C'mon, I'll introduce you"

We walk few feet until Tal gets hugged by another little girl who's looking totally like Noa. Twins, eh? Tal has twin sisters. He's full of surprises today. He says something to the girl and she hugs my waist just as she did with Tal.

"Emily, you know Rivka." – I nod shyly at her, getting back a big grin. "These are my father Jacob, and my other little sister Sapir."

Sapir is still glued to my waist and it feels nice. I never had much experience with little kids, but they seem to love me. A minute later I get another twin glued to me and they hug me like I'm some kind of older long-lost sister they missed very much. I giggle and they look up at me with big blue eyes, questioning me silently. I just shrug at them and hug them back as good as I can.

"They love you already and you didn't even say a word" – Tal says with a smirk, obviously amused to see his little sisters act the way they are.

"Why you didn't tell me you have twin sisters? I am a twin myself!" – I feign irritation and he chuckles. He says something to his sisters and they let me go.

"Hey, why did you do that? I was feeling so special!" – I try to keep serious face, but can't help it and start chuckling with him. Rivka eyes me suspiciously for a second, but then gives up and smiles warmly at me.

"We should go, the ceremony starts soon." – Tal's dad says and we all head after him to the ceremony. It's held at the open basketball field and there are lots of family members already. Parents, children, even some grandparent – they all came to see their beloved boy becoming a real soldier.

We sit down and the ceremony begins. I don't understand a thing, even though Tal's trying to explain me what's going on. Apparently, the boys are just about to finish their 40 miles march which announces the end of the boot-camp. There are lots of speeches by people who look like big officers, but still no sign of the main boys' crowd. I doze out for a bit, because this part is just as boring as it could get. Especially when I don't understand a word they're saying.

Suddenly, the crowd erupts in howling and applause and I look around me before fixing my eyes on the group of soldiers, running wildly towards us. They're wearing full army gear and look exhausted. Well, I guess anyone would be after 40 miles of running in this heat, right? Still, they're smiling and cheering and I get caught in their enthusiasm. There's got to be about 70 boys and they're very loud. Tal drags me to my feet, winking at me and looking back to the group, probably trying to find his brother. It's not easy, as all the boys look the same to me. But this is his brother, so he'll probably be able to see him even in this big crowd. Noa and Sapir are jumping up and down on either side of us, they look pretty happy being here. The group of boys are getting to the middle of the field and crash down next to each other. They really are exhausted, which is understandable. I'm not sure it's a good idea to have such an important ceremony right now, but I guess it's not the first time. Girls in soldier uniform serve boys water and help them to get the gear off. Soon enough there is a group of young boys, probably most of my age, standing to attention with their riffles and waiting for their commander to speak. I can't understand anything, but the moment looks extremely important and I listen in awe to the powerful voice of the officer.

"Look to the right, little Red" – Tal whispers to my ear and I'm confusedly doing what he said. That's when my jaw hits the floor.

"Is it…?" – I don't finish my sentence, but I know Tal understands me because he nods with a mischievous smirk. She's just standing there, effortlessly sexy in her officer's gear, with a riffle that hangs on her small form and looks bigger than her. She squints in the sun, but looks beautiful nonetheless.

"She's an officer?" – I finally find my tongue and whisper to Tal.

"Yes, she's been my little brother's commander on this boot-camp." – He answers like it's the most natural thing in the world. I'm impressed. How could such a tiny girl command this big group of teenage boys?

"She's a girl. How's she commanding these boys?" – I voice my thoughts and he looks at me like I've grown two heads.

"Oh, believe me…this girl can kick any boy's ass if she wants to" – He winks at me, looking particularly smugly. "She might be tiny, but she can be very intimidating"

Somehow the image of this Bar doesn't match with the shy and slightly uncertain girl I met at that party. The girl standing to the right of her group of soldiers is full of confidence and very fucking sexy.

"Wait and you'll be able to ask her yourself "– Tal whispers to my ear again and I freeze. That's why he made me buy this dress! Sneaky fucker, he knew all the time she's going to be here and didn't tell me! I turn to him with what I hope is fury in my face, but he just laughs me off. I smack him around the head, but he doesn't stop laughing. Oh well. At least I look good, right?

I'm distracted by a something moving to my lap. I look down and see Sapir grinning at me broadly, her head's resting on my lap. I'm soothing her hair and let my gaze travel back to Bar. She's still standing there looking cool while the boys get their caps from the head commander. Suddenly Sapir jumps from my lap and starts cheering again, all the family are back on their legs and cheering with her. Tal nudges me slightly and I stand up, helping this big loud family a bit reluctantly. Dani takes his cap and wave at us. I think if this family could be any louder, they would. Fortunaly, the commander moves to the next boy and we all sit down.

My eyes travel back to Bar and find her looking directly at me. I'm stunned by the intensity of her gaze and I blush furiously, giving her a small shy smile. She just arches her eyebrow at me and keeps staring without blinking once. Finally she gives me a hint of a wink and breaks our staring game. I keep watching her, though. I like her khaki uniform, it looks amazing on her. I'd love to see her in action with this huge riffle. I don't really hear anything around me, just looking at the tiny redhead wonder in front of me. I almost forget she hurt me before and let my eyes trail over her slim body. As I let my gaze travel back, I catch her eyes on me again, searching for something. I let a genuine smile to slide on my face and she gives one back. Tal nudges me again and gives me a bottle of water. I take a big gulp and let my eyes travel back to Bar, but she's suddenly nowhere to see. I search the crowd, but can't see her. Slightly disappointed I continue sipping on my water, waiting for the ceremony to finish. In the end of it the boys take their caps and throw them up in the air, shouting loudly something I can't understand. After that each of them runs to their family, kisses and hugs are all around.

I see a tall, handsome guy running towards us, I guess this is Dani. I stay awkwardly behind Tal's family, because it just doesn't feel right. I'm not a part of the family and they deserve some private time. I sip on my water, watching them all carefully until I feel a hand on my elbow tugging me from behind. I turn my head and there she is. Big green eyes smile at me and I can't help but smile back. She tugs more on my arm, taking me to a side.

"Hi, beautiful. You look amazing in this dress." – She says, like nothing bad happened between us. But I remember. I remember her running away from me, from our kiss. The smile slips from my face and my eyes harden. She looks confused but then seems to understand what's going on with me.

"Look, I'm coming home on the weekend. Can we talk then? I'll explain everything" – She says and I take few seconds to consider the offer. Well, I have nothing to lose, so I nod, unable to find my voice. The problem is her eyes are seems to hypnotize me. She gives me another genuine smile. I grab her hand and give it a little squeeze, reassuring her I'll wait for our talk. She winks at me and turns to leave. This is a second when Sapir decides to pop in and squeeze my waist from behind. I look down at her and feel her tugging me back to her family.

"Emily, come here! I want you to meet my little bro!" – Tal shouts at me and I follow Sapir reluctantly. I really don't want to disturb family dynamics. "C'mon then, get yourself moved!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming! Stop yelling!" – I shout back with a big grip, because I know he's only teasing me. He grins back and introduces me his brother. Dani looks cool, pretty fit and actually kind of shy. So unlike his older brother, even if he's looking like his twin. We stay with them for a bit, everybody's chatting and I'm just looking around curiously. Soon enough Dani has to go back to his group and we're getting ready to go home.

"So, where to now?" – I ask Tal while we're walking back to the car.

"I fancy a sea dip. What do you say?" – He answers and I nod.

"Let's grab something to eat on our way to the beach, a sandwich or something?" - I nod again, getting pretty excited for the sea. I wanted to take a swim since I landed in Israel, but our Kibbutz seems to be so far away from sea. I'll have my opportunity now. And food, I'm always excited for my food.

We drive to the beach, chatting lightly about the ceremony. Tal explains me some things I didn't understand, so the time passes by very quick. In twenty minutes we're sitting on the beach happily munching on our sandwiches and bathing in a nice evening sun. It's very relaxing after a busy day we had today. After we finish our sandwiches we go for a dip in the sea. It's nothing like I've been expecting. I thought the water is going to cool us down a bit, but it's like getting into warm bath. The water is really hot, the only thing cooling you is the wind enveloping you when you get out of the water. Nevertheless it's nice and relaxes my muscles. We splash around for a bit, laughing like little kids and having genuinely good time. But it's over too soon and we have to drive to the airport to take two newbies.

"There's going to be a party this Friday in honor of my little brother. Bar's coming" – Tal says nonchalantly as we drive, but I know he's very curious about what's going on between us.

"Good. I've seen her today" – I say as nonchalantly and hide a smirk. "She said we're going to talk on weekend and she'll explain everything"

"Nice. But next time if you have some girl-on-girl action, could you call me first? I want to see it all!" – He jokes and gets a smack on the back of his head. He just chuckles and continues driving. He'll never change, will he?

The rest of our journey is filled with light chatter. It's not a long journey anyway, only about twenty minutes. We park our car and head inside the airport. We have about half an hour until the plane's landing, so we decide to wait in the coffee shop around the corner.

"So, what did you think about the ceremony?" – Tal asks out of blue, sipping on his ice-coffee.

"It was nice, I guess…considering I didn't understand much." – I answer truthfully.

"Yeah, well…" – He trails off.

"What?" – I ask, curious about the reason he suddenly became so strange.

"You've been a bit preoccupied with Bar" – He answers and I burst into a fit of uncontrollable laugher.

"That obvious, eh?" – I say after I manage to control my breath a bit.

"Yes. Even the twins saw you drooling all over that pretty dress of yours" – He chuckles with me.

"Oh my god, no! Was I that bad?" – I'm a bit horrified by his confession, I feel the blush creeping from my neck to my face.

"Nah, not THAT bad. But you didn't see much of ceremony, did you?" – He obviously likes teasing me. I turn a brand new shade of red and hide my eyes behind my mug.

"No, not really…but you have an amazing family." – I change the subject, because I really don't feel like getting more embarrassed.

"Yes, they're good. The twins are my favorite, I spoil them a lot. They loved you, by the way." – He smiles at me.

"Yeah, they're beautiful little creatures, happy and adorable." – I smile back at him.

"Did you finish your coffee? I'd like to smoke a cigarette before we have to get back to the arrivals area." – He's already up, so I guess he doesn't really want an answer. I also stand up and we head to the exit. We smoke in silence, enjoying the evening.

Ten minutes later we're standing outside of arrivals area, waiting for two newbies with this stupid piece of sheet with their names written on it. Tal said they're coming from US and their plane already landed. They'll be outside any minute and we can finally take a trip back home. I can use a shower and long night's sleep. Right as I get inside my head again, I get nudged by Tal again.

"Oi! Stop nudging me, my ribs are gonna hurt like hell tomorrow!" – I snap at him playfully, but he just winks and nods his head in the direction of two people coming our way. It's a tall black haired girl, looking more Italian than American to me, and a rather short blonde guy, looking very gay to me.

"Hello there! Jackie and Mark, I guess? I'm Tal, I'm going to drive you to the Kibbutz. And this is Emily, she arrived here a week and half ago. Nice to meet you both. Follow me to the car, please." – He's got into his busy mode again and I can't help but giggle. The newbies look at me like I'm a loony, but I just remembered my first impression of Tal and it makes me laugh now that I know him better.

"Nice to meet you guys." – I nod to them and stroll after Tal. I get in the passenger's seat and make myself comfortable. I look in the rear mirror and see them both absolutely terrified on the back seat.

"Don't be scared, guys, he's much nicer when you get to know him." – I assure them, but can't contain another giggle. I see them nodding and relaxing a bit. Tal gets in the car and starts the engine. I nudge him in the ribs and he glares at me. I just shrug and look out of the window. I had a nice day today, but I'm tired, so I'm not going to get in any argument right now. I guess he's tired too, that's why he's acting strange. Everyone's silent for the rest of the journey, until we get to the Kibbutz and Tal takes the newbies to their new rooms.

I walk to my own room and collapse on the bed. Someone's in the shower, so I decide to wait for a bit. I doze out for a bit, smiling to myself at the image of a sexy green-eyed soldier.

"Hey, honey, had a nice day?" – Kristin gets out of shower and sits on my bed.

"Yes, it was a good one. Had a few nice surprises from Tal." – I say with a cheeky smile.

"Okay, go take a shower and then tell me everything!" – She ushers me to the shower and I'm very grateful for that. I kiss her on the cheek and get in the shower. I take my time, because I'm really exhausted and the hot water relaxes me a bit. I don't need to rush now as I'm home. Yes, it feels like home. I have my friends, who are slowly becoming my family. And I have a green-eyed sexy soldier, who occupies most of my thoughts through the day. I'm really looking to the party on Friday, I hope she'll give me more input about her life and reasons for her escape from me. It's been another nice day in the heat of Israel. Nice day indeed.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N : I'm finally back home. The holiday was great, I wish it never ended. But, every good thing is supposed to end. So here I am with chapter 9, I hope you like it. Took me time to wrap my head around this one :-) Please review, if you can?**

Chapter 9

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"Emily, hurry up!" – I hear Tal's loud voice calling me from outside the trailer. He's been waiting there for last ten minutes, shouting at me every now and then.

"Yes, coming, just one more minute" – I answer calmly, because I know I have another few minutes before we have to head to the zoo for our work day. I can't help but zone out for a bit, thinking about yesterday, as my eyes fall on the pretty dress I bought in Tel-Aviv.

Yesterday ended as girls' night in with some beers and chatting about everything. I told Kristin and later Anna everything about the great day we had with Tal. I told them about ceremony and Bar the officer, about Tal's family and the sea, and about the newbies.

"EMILY!" – I'm brought to present by Tal's persistent yelling again. I growl and stumble outside of the room.

"I'm here, I'm here. Now can you shut up, please?" – I joke and wink at him. He's lounging in the hammock with a fag dangling from his mouth. He looks so comic I can't stop a fit of giggles that escape my mouth. He tries to get out and fails miserably. It makes me giggle even harder and soon enough I'm doubled on the floor, unable to stop the laughing.

"Oh stop it, you little elf!" – He exclaims, finally out of the hammock. It doesn't help and I laugh harder with him following suit.

"I…I'm…sorry…" – I say, trying to calm my breath. "But you looked hilarious in this thing and I just couldn't help it."

He looks hurt by my words, but I know he's feigning it, because he has a smile in his eyes. I throw myself at him, hugging his waist tightly. He hugs me back and kisses my head.

"Can we go to work now?" – He says with a sweet smile and I nod against his chest.

.

Three hours later I'm going out of my mind with boredom. The work's been pretty good today, my fluffy friends are calm and happy. There've been less people than usual and I start to yawn furiously. I decide to take a small break and ask Dana to watch the bunnies. She agrees and I'm going to take an ice cream from the shop. When I get inside, I freeze. Right there, in the middle of the shop, chatting animatedly to his sister, stands the little boy from the plane. He turns to the door when it opens and his face cracks into biggest smile I've ever seen on human being. He just stands there, smiling at me, and I can't help but smile back. He says something to his sister, and when she nods to him, he runs to me and hugs me. I'm stunned, to say the least. I didn't expect to see him again, and honestly I didn't expect him to remember me. I hug him back because, well, I just love hugging. He steps away a minute later and starts chirping in his little voice. I look hopelessly at his sister (I notice it's not the same sister from the plane, this one is much older) and she makes her way towards us. She looks about my age, maybe a bit younger. She puts her hand on the boy's shoulder and stops him from talking.

"Hello, I am Sarah" – She extends her hand to me and I gratefully take it.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Emily. I've met your brother on the plane" – I say, smiling shyly at her.

"Yes, I remember you. Amit didn't stop talk about you since then. Which is weird, because he's not the type to make friends easily, especially grown-ups who don't speak Hebrew" – She chuckles a bit when Amit throws himself back at me in a strong hug.

"Really? He looks pretty friendly to me" – I say, wondering how this boy could be not friendly.

"Usually he's not. But he likes you and it seems to bring the good him out" – She says with a sweet smile and I nod, trying to understand what it is this boy could possibly like about me.

Amit points at my t-shirt and asks something. I guess he's asking if I work here. I answer that I do and his sister translates to him. It's kind of weird to have a conversation with a translator, but it's the only way for now. Amit claps his hands and runs to the counter. He turns to his sister and pouts at her.

"Oh, great. Now he wants a t-shirt like yours" – Sarah chuckles, but buys him a t-shirt and helps him change into it.

"Do you two want to come with me?" – I ask, uncertainly. They probably have their own plan for the day. "I have to get back to work, but you can sit with me if you like."

Sarah translates to Amit and he nods his head vigorously. I take his hand and we walk together to my fluffy friends. When Amit sees where I work at, he squeals a little and jumps into the box to cuddle with bunnies. I turn to Sarah and we both get lost in a fit of giggles.

After an hour or so of chatting to Sarah I know pretty much everything about Amit and his family. I learn he's 6 years old and is starting his first grade in couple of weeks. He has 6 brothers and sisters and comes from a religious family. That's when I finally notice the little hat on his head. Sarah told me it's called dome and every religious male has to wear it since 3 years old. She also told me that their family isn't very religious, but their parents wanted to raise the kids in religious life style to get them to know the traditions. I learn that they live in the small town 10 minutes away from my Kibbutz, the same town we went shopping to with Anna and Tal. Amit gets up from the box from time to time and sits beside me, hugging my waist. I still don't know how to react to him, but I don't feel nervous around him, so I just hug back. Eventually they have to go and it makes me pretty sad. Before they go, Sarah writes their home phone number on my hand and asks me to call her whenever I'm in the town. I agree and hug them both. I guess I made two new friends in this country.

Just as I'm getting ready to put my fluffy friends away and clean the box, I see Tal approaching me.

"Almost ready, little Red?" – He asks me with ever present smirk of his.

"Yes, give me ten minutes" – I answer, smiling sweetly at him.

"Okay, I'll wait for you at the gate" – He's already walking away, doesn't even bother to wait for my answer. Oh, well. He knows I'll come soon.

.

"So, what's about the number on your hand?" – Tal asks me with a smirk as we drive back home.

"Oh, that's a friend's number" – I'm not about to give him all information straight away. I know the curiosity must be killing him already.

"Since when do you have friends outside of Kibbutz?" – His eyes widen a bit, he looks surprised.

"Since today" – I say, revealing nothing. He deserves to suffer a little.

"Oh c'mon…tell me! Is she cute?" – He has that look in his eyes that says he's thinking some filthy thoughts.

"He is very cute" – I watch how the smile drops from his face and his jaw hits the floor. I'm having so much fun torturing him!

"He? What? Since when..? WHAT?" – His voice became unattractively high, I'm starting to worry about his mental health.

"Calm down, you big baby. His name's Amit, he's six years old and I've met him on a plane. And today I found out he's living in the town. So his big sister told me to call them, because Amit really likes me and it's doing him good to have new friends" – I finally tell him. He almost had a heart attack right now, if I could judge by the color of his face.

"Oh…" – He breathes out, suddenly relieved. I wonder if he's not too relieved.

"Why did you get so scared about this whole thing?" – I inquire softly. He looks guilty for some reason and I want to know what this is about.

"Well…I…Bar…And you…You know…I thought…" – He's rambling and it's so cute, I want to hug him. I can't do it right now because he's driving, but I'll do it later.

"Actually, I don't know what's going on with me and Bar. But thank you for worrying, it's cute" – I say, punching his shoulder lightly.

"Oi! I'm not cute!" – His voice is playful and I know he's over whatever has been bothering him.

"Yes, you are" – I chuckle at him. – "You are the cutest boy in the Kibbutz and Anna would agree with me"

"Oh shut up you" – He tries to sound annoyed, but can't help and chuckle with me.

We make the rest of our little journey in silence, each lost in their head. I feel really happy about meeting Amit again, I like this little fellow, even though we have a slightest problem in understanding each other. We don't seem to have this problem on the emotional level, though. I've never been too good with kids, even though life with Katie made me incredibly patient. But I just never knew what to do with little ones. Strangely enough they seem to like me, so I'm going to give myself a chance with Amit. Maybe I'll take something of my experience with him into my future life.

.

When I get out of the shower an hour later, I'm startled by a figure in our little kitchen. I freeze as I see Bar's back. She's humming to herself, unaware of me watching her. I don't make my presence known and just watch her moving around the stove. Looks like she's cooking something and the smell is so intoxicating, it makes me inhale soundly. Bar turns towards me and smiles that sexy smile of hers. Only then I remember that I didn't really think about getting some clothes with me and am actually dressed in one tiny towel. What's it with the girls in this place always catching me half naked?

Bar's smile becomes even more wicked as she lets her eyes travel all over my body. I feel the blush rising from my neck towards my cheeks and ears. I try to repress it, because I really don't want our conversation become something more heated than we're both ready for. It's not really working and I keep standing at the same place, frozen under her intense stare. She licks her lips and turns around, giving me a permission to change into normal clothes. I pick some clothes from my drawer and go back to the bathroom to change. It takes me more than five minutes, as I decide to apply some make-up. What? I didn't use make-up in ages and there's really cute girl outside. I think I'm allowed to flirt a little, don't you?

After I feel I'm ready, I get outside to see her sitting on my bed with a cup of coffee in her hands. When she sees me, she stands up and moves back to the stove.

"Are you hungry?" – She asks, pouring some coffee and handing it to me.

"Starving" – I admit, suddenly feeling the hunger. I even forgot to eat my lunch with all the positive events of today.

"Well, I've made some spaghetti, come and grab a plate" – She winks at me and I make my way to the stove. The food smells heavenly and I say so to Bar. Her smile widens and she nods her head to me in silent thanks.

We eat our food in perfect silence. It's not awkward, even though I feel a bit nervous. We're supposed to have a conversation when she'll explain her behavior and I'm dreading this. I don't even know why I'm so scared. I know I like her, but I also know I'm really not ready to a serious relationship just yet. But then, I promised to hear her out and I'm very curious about what she has to say.

I cast a glance in her direction and catch her staring intently at me. I smile nervously and she just winks at me.

"So, are you ready to talk?" – Yes, Emily, very smooth. Can you be slightly more aggressive?

Bar's eyes snap straight into mine and I can see pain in them.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean it to sound this way" – I apologize, but she just shushes me.

"It's alright. I owe you an explanation. Just give me few minutes, alright?" – She stands up and walks to the bathroom. I hear water splashes and her muttering something to herself. I guess she's nervous too. Again I become scared of what this is all about. I don't think I can handle a rejection right now. Still, if she was about to reject me, would she cook this delicious meal for me? Or maybe she cooked it for herself? Wait, Emily, calm down. Let's hear her out.

I'm sitting down on my bed with a coffee cup and waiting for her to get out. When she finally emerges from the bathroom, I can't help but let my eyes linger a bit longer than appropriate on her chest. What? She has a great pair of boobs and I have to appreciate them somehow.

"Like what you see?" – She asks me with a smirk. The only thing I can do is nod my head and try to take my eyes back to her face. Ok, now I'm blushing and she definitely know what I was thinking few seconds ago.

"Well, you can stare some more later, but now I really want to explain" – I hear the urgency in her voice and nod again. She sits beside me and takes my hand.

"Emily, I like you very much. And I'm so scared of this" – She says with a pain in her voice and I squeeze her hand to encourage her to speak. If I'm honest, I like her too. And it scares me shitless, because I'm so not ready for this. I'm not ready for feelings, for anything more than just a pointless flirting. But I feel more, even if I don't want to.

"You see, I've been in this situation before. You volunteers come here to have fun, to have some kind of adventure." – I try to interrupt, but she puts a finger on my lips to stop me. "Two years ago I fell in love with Amy, she was a volunteer from Canada. I was young and didn't actually think about the future until it was too late. She left three months later with a promise to come back as soon as she finished with papers. I've never seen her again, but a month after she left I've got a phone call. She told me she's not coming back, that she met a good guy and I should just forget about her. It took me almost a year to start healing after she broke my heart. It doesn't hurt that much anymore, but now I'm careful. It worked well until I've met you. Why did you have to be so perfect at that party? I've tried so fucking much not to feel a thing about you, but I can't and it scares me to death."

She has tears in her eyes, but she doesn't cry. She's just looking straight into my eyes, her beautiful green orbs are burning into my soul. I run my fingers over her left cheek, not taking my eyes from hers. She leans into my hand and closes her eyes. I want to hug her, but I know it's not my place just yet. I'm not even sure she's finished. I know what she must have felt, I know what betrayal is.

When she opens her eyes, there's no sign for tears in them. They're smiling at me and that's when she leans towards me and kisses my cheek. She lingers there a bit longer than necessary for friends, but we're not friends, aren't we? I don't know what we are, but surely we're more than friends.

"So, that's my story. What's yours?" – She's cheeky again and I can't help but smile at her.

"I think I'll tell you some other time" – I say and see her relaxing a bit. I guess it wasn't that easy for her to tell me her story and she isn't ready to take in someone else's story right now.

I open my arms and she falls in like a feather. I hug her tightly, feeling my shirt start to dampen when she starts to sob lightly. All I can do is hug her and soothe her hair until she calms down. When she does so, she hugs me back one more time and stands up.

"C'mon, I need a cigarette." – She tugs me outside and I follow her. Do I have any other choice?

I take my iPod with me and put some music on. Bar lights a cigarette and hands it to me before lighting one more. The atmosphere relaxes more as Bar starts dancing. I'm fascinated by her movements and don't even register at first what song is playing. Only when she turns to me and winks, I get out of my stupor and hear it. Tears burst out of my eyes and now it's Bar's turn to hug and soothe me. She steps in gradually and hugs my shoulders, while I put my head on her stomach and hug her waist. It takes me a while to stop crying. Why didn't I just delete this song? Why do I still feel a need to torture myself with it? I know why. I still love her. This is the song that played when we kissed at Panda's party. This is the kiss that started everything. This is the kiss that started the road to the end.

"Hey, what's going on here? Why is she crying?" – God bless Anna and her timing. She's already pushing Bar aside and is getting on her knees in front of me.

"Emily, honey, what's wrong?" – She asks me, completely ignoring Bar's attempts to explain. "It's okay, stop crying, please"

"Anna, I'm alright. We both got a bit emotional. Thank you" – I croak through my tears, already feeling a smile on my lips.

"Fine! I'll go make coffee then." – She all but yells excitedly and gets inside. I smile apologetically to Bar and she shrugs it off.

"She's your friend, right?" – She says. "She's entitled to worry about you"

"You are my friend too" – I say in return. She looks a bit disappointed, but nods otherwise. "Do you want to be more than a friend?"

She looks at me and slowly nods her head once.

"Yes, I do. But I'm scared. I can't ignore this feeling though. So maybe we could take things slowly?" – She says, hope in her eyes.

"Of course we can. I have a past too and not a nice one either. So yes, I'd prefer to take things slowly too." – I answer and kiss her cheek. "Now, let me go check on that coffee. It takes her too long to make it"

I make a way back to the room and step inside. I hear a loud noise and see Anna sprawled on the floor near the door, rubbing her forehead.

"Excuse me, but were you spying on us?" – I try to sound annoyed, but in a second get lost in a fit of giggles.

"Yes, I did! You're my friend and you were crying, I just needed to know why" – She says proudly. "I'd kick her ass if she was the one to make you cry!"

"Alright, alright, no need to threaten her. She didn't make me cry. It's all about my past. But we had an interesting conversation that explained me a lot of things about Bar" – I tell her honestly. "Now, where's my coffee?"

.

The evening continues with three of us drinking coffee and chatting about everything and anything. From time to time I feel Bar's eyes on me, studying me, trying to understand. I'll tell her some another time. I just smile at her and squeeze her hand, because that's all I can offer for now. But I'm glad we're over some stuff, I feel more relaxed around her and I actually feel a bit happier. She is laughing with Anna and I can only stare and smile, until she catches my eyes and smiles back. I like her smile, it's real and relaxes me. It's a good thing. Maybe we do have something here, something I can handle, something happy. We'll have to wait and see.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N : I just want to thank_ lazyboo_ for BETA this chapter, like most of others. And thanks to_ Miss_Peg_ for encouraging me to finally finish this chapter. It would take me forever to finish it without her :-) Now, go read it and please leave a review? They do help a lot :-)**

**Chapter 10**

.

"Emily, come here!" – I see her standing in the fog and calling for me. "Emily, please!"

I try to walk towards her, but my legs won't move. It feels like I'm standing in marsh and it keeps pulling me inside, no matter how hard I try to get outside. The fog's getting denser and I barely can see her beautiful eyes from this distance. She keeps calling for me, her voice becoming more anxious by a second. Finally I get out of the stupor I was in and start running towards her. I can't get close enough, she's getting farther with each step I take. I try to call after her, but I have no voice. I feel so helpless, so useless. I want to hug her so much, but I can't.

"Emily! EMILY!" – I hear her screaming and then I start to shake violently. Why am I shaking? What? Where did she go? I let out a high-pitched scream and suddenly wake up.

"Emily, are you alright?" – I'm confused. What is Anna doing in my bed?

"Emily, you had a bad dream. Here, drink some water" – She hands me a cup and I'm grateful, because now I feel complete dehydration. I drink the whole cup and only then start to think about what exactly happened. I know now it's been a dream. But it felt so real. She was just standing there, calling for me, wanting me close. But we were so far apart. We were far apart for much longer than I thought. The lie…it's what killed us. But…the minute I've seen these piercing blue eyes again, even in a dream, I knew I was screwed. I thought I got far enough from her to heal. I need help. I hope there's still something that can help me.

.

I wake up again couple of hours later, feeling much better and safer. Anna is still in bed with me, snoring softly right in my ear. I'm still a bit confused from my dream. It looked too real and too painful to be just a dream. But it was and my surroundings show it. I'm not in Bristol, she's not close to me. She's still haunting me though and I have to end it. I need to call Katie.

I get up and go straight to the shower. I take my time soaking in the hot water and trying not to think. Today is Friday and I promised Bar I'll come for a drink with her. I'm not about to pass on a drink with a beautiful girl because of my haunting past. I want to forget about it and if it's possible, I'll try to drown it in alcohol tonight.

I make a coffee for me and Anna, waking her up shortly after that. I have some time before Tal comes to take me to work, so I head outside with my coffee and fags. It's peaceful this morning, most of people are already at work.

"So, are you going to tell me what that was all about last night?" – You've got to love Anna's subtlety.

"It was nothing, just ghosts from the past" – I tell her. I really don't feel like talking about it.

"Nothing, that made you scream?" – She isn't going to let it go, too bad.

"Yes. Can we not talk about it, please? It was just a bad dream" – I feel bad about being a bit rude, but she finally gets a hint and drops the subject.

"Ok. Are you ready for the party tonight?" – She says playfully. The girl knows how to change the subject. The only reminder of our previous half-conversation is her hand still squeezing mine.

"I guess so. I need to relax a little" – I say, regretting my choice of words immediately.

"I'm sure Bar can find very interesting ways to help you relax" – Anna says with a cheeky smile and again I think she's been hanging with Tal too much.

I slap her lightly on a shoulder and she chuckles. I smile at her, sipping on my drink. I think about tonight and my smile widens. I've promised Bar she'll see me at the pub and she will. Promising night it's going to be.

"Ladies" – I hear Tal's voice and nod at him. He bows to us and I start giggling. He kneels in front of me and holds out a hand for me to take. "Are you ready to clean kangaroo's poop, lady Emily?"

My giggling becomes full on laughing, the one I can't stop, and that prevents me from getting up from the chair. He doesn't hesitate and pulls me out of the chair, dropping me over his shoulder. He stands up and starts walking to the car. I can't even resist him because I'm laughing too hard. He opens the passenger's door and drops me to the seat. He gets inside and starts the engine, and only then I start to calm down. It was one of the best fits of laugher I've had in last year at least. This boy definitely knows how to make me laugh. Suddenly I remember something I wanted to ask him about.

"Tal! I have to talk to you" – I say, still a bit breathless.

"Yes? What about?" – He's curious, I can see it.

"Well…I want a mobile phone. I want to be able to contact…people"

"People, like Bar?" – He says with cheeky smile and I want to punch him. I can't do it, because he's right. I thought about it and I want to have a mobile, so I could send sms or call Bar, Katie, or whoever else I'd like to.

"People like my sister, you, and yes, Bar." – I'm annoyed with his ability to read me so well. Still, I hope he helps me. I really need to talk to Katie.

"Alright. Do you have a phone with you? We can go to the Cell Company on Sunday and think of something" – He asks, as the car stops outside of the Gan Guru.

"Yes, I have my iPhone, but I can't use it here"

"We'll go there on Sunday, I promise. They close early today" – He says, getting out of the car. "We'll get you a phone, Emily. Now, go pick the poop, princess"

I stick my tongue out and see him laughing. Have to work, though. My fluffy little friends are probably very hungry.

.

Few hours later and it's the end of the day. It's Friday and everything's closing earlier than usual. I don't have a problem with that, as I need to start getting ready to my date with Bar. Alright, so it's not a "date" per se, but it's still a first time we made plans together and I want to look good. I need to find something sexy. I'll definitely have to go through Anna's wardrobe today.

I'm finally heading to the exit and nearly jump, when I feel two small hands hugging my waist from behind. I look down and see a smiling face of one of Tal's little sisters. I wish I could say which one it is, but I don't know them well enough just yet. To my relief, I hear Tal's voice calling for Sapir.

"Hi, sweetie" – I say to her and lean down to hug her. She hugs me back and smiles broadly at me.

"Emily, are you ready to go? Sapir here wanted to see you, so I decided to take her with me" – Tal says to me with matching smile.

"Yes, let's go. I'm starving" – I say to him, taking Sapir's hand and heading to the car. He's translating to his sister and then fall into fit of giggles, probably laughing at me. I pout a little, but can't stop myself from chuckling a bit with them.

.

We ended up in the town again, eating some amazing junk food. The weather was nice and Tal did some small tour of the town for me. Apparently it's a very old town, it's been around through Roman times and actually has some interesting stuff from that period of time to see. I've always liked history, so it's all very interesting. Sapir was running around us while Tal tried to explain things to me, even though he had a little trouble answering my never ending questions. Finally he got angry and told me I was worse than his little sisters with all my questions. He also said he'll buy me a book about the town, so I'd just leave him alone. I took it all and then went to hug him. He just smiled at me and walked me back to the car, with Sapir still running around us.

It was a fun afternoon, but now I have to get ready for the dinner and the pub later. I don't know if I'll see Bar in the dining room, but I want to be ready just in case.

"Emily! EMILY!" –Anna's helping me with my outfit. I guess I got lost in my head again and she had to yell at me. Again.

"What?" – I know I sound a bit rude, but I add a small smile, so she knows I'm not mad at her.

"What are you thinking about? We have only an hour to get ready. It's Friday, job announcement day, remember?" – She says, smiling back at me. "You need to get in the shower NOW."

I nod and head to the shower. I had a busy day and didn't have time to think about the strange dream I had tonight. As the hot water envelopes me, I let myself relax under it and feel a tear escaping the corner of my eye. They say dreams are reflections of our wishes. I don't know if it's the case with me, but I know one thing – I miss Naomi. I miss her very much, because I've loved her for so long. And the more I learn about Bar, the more I compare her to Naomi. I don't want to be this kind of girl. I need to clean my head from Naomi before I complicate things with Bar. It's the only fair thing to do.

"Emily, get the fuck out of there! I need to shower too!" – I really love Anna, but right now I'd like to punch her in the face. I'd never do such a thing, of course. She only wants the best for me, I know that.

"Alright, give me five minutes!" – I sigh and shout back. It's time to get ready. Maybe it's time to talk to Bar about Naomi. I'll have to do it soon, or I'll keep comparing and having nightmares. I don't want either.

"Emily, get out! Tal's already here!" – I hear Anna yelling again and have to smile at that. I wrap myself in the towel and get out of the bathroom. She's squeezing in before I had a chance to get out of the door and pushes me into the room. There, sitting on the bed and looking cool as hell, are Kristin and the newest addition to our company, Mark. Looks like they've been spending some time together. They look pretty cozy together. How did I not know about them spending time? Should get out of that head, me.

"Hi, sweetie" – Kristin smiles to me and holds her arms out. I sit on the bed and hug her.

"Hey, you. Hello Mark" – I answer with a matching smile, winking at Mark. He blinks once and averts his eyes. Only then I remember I'm only wearing a towel, but I can care less. I'm warm in this hug and I don't feel like moving. Kristin's embrace always calmed me, so I think I'll stay there for a bit. Unfortunately, someone doesn't agree with me and clears their throat, making me to look up. Of course it's Tal, he's the only one who would get away with interrupting me. Yet, I see Mark's becoming very uncomfortable and I decide to go change to something more fitting the company.

"Anna, I'm coming in. I need to change and there are too many men in our room" – I chuckle, getting in the bathroom again. Anna's still in the shower, so there's no chance of me seeing her naked or something. I change pretty fast into my favorite t-shirt and shorts and apply a bit of make-up, just in case I won't have time later. You never know with these guys what plans do they have in minds.

"Who is there?" – Anna asks, closing the water. "Give me the towel, please"

"Just Tal and Mark, the new guy? Did you know there's something between him and Kristin?" – I hand her a towel, already finished with my clothes and make-up.

"Yeah, they slept once or twice" – Anna answers calmly, like it's the most natural thing in the world.

"But they've just met! I never thought Kristin would be the type…" – I'm surprised, but not too much. Lots of people come here for adventure. I guess I should too, but I'm just not the type. "And isn't he gay?"

"No, I think he's bisexual. Anyway, it's Kristin and she always knows what she's doing" – Anna still isn't bothered about the whole thing. Fuck it, why should I care then? As long as nobody gets hurt – I'm fine with it. I shrug and get outside.

I'm greeted by silence and green eyes. I freeze, but only for a second.

"Hello, beautiful" – Bar gets up from my bed and strolls slowly towards me, like she's afraid I'm going to run away.

"Hey there" – I smile at her and give a little wave, making her giggle a little. She's kissing my cheek and her smell overwhelms me. I smile wider and kiss her softly on the lips. It's more a peck than a kiss, but it's something I want to do and do it gladly. It's over long before my brain starts to understand what happened and it's a good thing. I want not to think for once. So I lean in and kiss her again, a bit more forcefully now and I'm glad she's not pushing me away. I don't know why, but I still have this nudging thought in my silly brain that even after our talk she could easily push me away and leave me heartbroken. I feel her hands sneaking around my waist, pulling me closer to her hot body.

"Whoa! Sorry, girls, but I have to interrupt" – Bless you, Anna. I'm actually glad she finally got out of the bathroom because the kiss was getting a bit too heated for our decision to take things slowly.

Bar pulls away from the kiss, but leaves her hands on my waist. I turn around in her hands and glare at Anna. But I can't glare more than few seconds, because I'm quiet delighted and it probably shows on my face. I already feel a small smile tug on my lips.

"Anna, stop staring and get dressed. We're going outside for a fag, right?" – I take Bar's hand and step outside.

The only person sitting outside is Mark. I have no idea where Kristin and Tal had gone, and why did they leave Mark alone outside our room. I skip over this fact and pull Bar to the hammock. She's giggling and falling over me into the hammock. Mark's watching us with interest, but I really could care less. Bar pecks me on the lips again and settles in the hammock beside me. She's smiling and I smile with her.

"So what are you doing here so early? Did you change your mind about going to the pub tonight?" – I'm curious why she always waits for me in my room.

"I just wanted to see you. I guess I missed you…a bit" – She smirks at me, but there's something genuine in her eyes.

"Really?" – I smirk back, moving just a tiny bit closer to her.

"Yes. I have a bit of time between shooting my rifle and kicking Dani's ass" – She smiles and kisses the tip of my nose.

"Is it hard to shoot a rifle?" – I never had a rifle in my hands, let alone used one.

"Nah, you just need to get used to it." – She smiles again and moves her eyes to the sky.

"Did you always want to be a soldier?" – I've never seen as many girls in uniforms as I've seen in this country.

"I think so. You don't really have a choice in Israel. Everyone has to go to the army as soon as they finish school. If we don't – we wouldn't be able to keep our country safe from our enemies. And believe me, we have a lot of those around" – She says, her smile's replaced with a frown.

I turn her head to me and look her in the eyes. She looks sad and I lean in to kiss the frown from her beautiful face. She smiles in the kiss and then I feel someone standing next to the hammock. I open my eyes and look up.

"Emily, sorry to interrupt, but we have to go to the meeting. Do you want to come, Bar?" – Tal says with all authority her can gain, but I can see him fighting the grin.

"Just give me one minute" – I say to him before turning back to Bar and kissing her again. I know it'll drive him absolutely mad and that's what he's getting for interrupting my happy times.

Suddenly I'm out of the hammock and thrown over his shoulder. Again. He's carrying me. Again. I start kicking and screaming, but very soon stop. It didn't help last time, why would it help now?

"Can you please put me on the ground?" – I ask him calmly. He says nothing, but obliges and puts me down. Bar's standing next to him, laughing her lungs out. I point my finger at her. "You're not getting any more kisses today"

She stops laughing abruptly and looks at me with strange expression on her face. I smirk at her and start walking towards the dining room. Just as I think I've won this one, I feel a hand tugging on my wrist. I turn around and find myself being shoved against nearest tree. Her soft lips are instantly on mine and she's kissing eagerly, like her life depends on it. I'm kissing her back as eagerly and there's a thought already forming in my mind, not a good thought. Maybe we shouldn't take this slow. I know it's a wrong thought, but I also know I want her. It's probably my libido talking, but c'mon, I am frustrated. I really am and I know Bar can feel it in my kisses. And if this kiss will continue, I'll probably jump her bones here and now.

Someone clears a throat near us and reluctantly I move away from the kiss. We both breathe heavily, like we've been running a marathon. I can't take my eyes from the green ones in front of me. They're beautiful and so intense. I look up again and see Tal watching me closely, like he knows exactly what I'm thinking right now. He winks at me then and starts walking, Anna hanging on his arm. I take Bar's hand and follow him, because we're getting really late.

Few minutes later we all are sitting in the dining room, talking about how was our second week in Israel. It's boring as hell, especially considering Bar decided not to stay for the meeting. She said I'd see her at the dinner and left. At least I got a nice kiss out of it.

"Emily, how was your week at Gan-Guru?" – Rivka pulls me out of my day-dreaming.

"Eh…it was good" – Her question comes out of the blue, for me at least, because my head is as far from work as it can be. "I liked it…"

"Good. Next week you'll be working at Sachne, in the restaurant" – She cuts me off and already asking someone else about their week. I wonder if she actually was interested in this little piece of information or asked because she had to. I shrug to myself and go back to my beautiful redhead. Wait, did I say MY? Too fast? Well, I don't care. She is beautiful, though. Amazingly beautiful. And hot as hell. Okay Emily, calm down. You'll see her soon enough.

I feel an elbow in my ribs and scold, not looking at her. I know it's Anna and she's probably going to tease me now about day-dreaming. My mood is too good though and I only smile, still not looking at her.

"You're drooling" – She says with a small laugh in her voice, making me wipe my mouth unconscionably.

"I am not!" – I hiss at her when I hear a snort coming from her. "You're just teasing because you're jealous!"

I smile victoriously at her and stick out my tongue.

"Emily! Do you have anything else to say?" – Rivka sounds angry. Did I interrupt her wonderful interesting meeting? Tal's standing behind her and trying his best not to laugh.

"No, sorry" – I mumble, blushing furiously. Suddenly I feel 7 years old who's scolded for talking in the class for a first time. Anna's giggling beside me and this time I'm the one with elbow in her ribs. She writhes in pain, but says nothing and most importantly stops teasing me.

.

The meeting ends pretty soon without any other interruptions. As soon as it ends, I go outside and light a cigarette. I really need some nicotine in my blood to stop it from boiling. The day-dreaming continued and I caught myself thinking about some intimate parts of Bar's anatomy more than once, which made me blush few more times. It left me very frustrated. So now I'm standing outside, smoking my fag and thinking about the evening. How the hell am I going to get through it if we'll keep flirting and kissing the way we did today? We're still trying to take it slow, but it's getting harder to do every time we see each other. I have to be strong, though. We're both not ready to take it to another level and that's what I'm going to think about when I see her. Still, kissing is fine and that's what I'm going to get today. More kissing.

"So, what was it about between you and Anna out there?" – Tal's appearing again by my side and I'm not surprised. He's a very curious boy and probably got some of the ninja abilities, appearing more than once out of the blue.

"Nothing. She was teasing me and I didn't like it. We'll be fine" – I say, wondering where Anna is. She didn't come outside through those doors. She's not with Tal either. I'll have to talk to her later.

"C'mon, let's go" – He takes my hand and drags me seemingly towards my room. But we don't get there, instead we're at the pool and he's just standing there, looking at the mountain.

"What are we doing here, Tal? I have to get ready, dinner is soon" – I say, standing next to him.

"You're going for a swim" – He's chuckling and before I can understand what's going on, I'm surfacing with warm water.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" – I yell at him from the water and he just shrugs at me.

"Thought you needed it. You've looked lost in your head at the meeting" – He shrugs at me and sits on one of the chairs while I'm struggling to get out of the pool.

"That's not good enough reason to kick me into the pool" – I grumble, sitting in the chair next to him.

"But it was funny" – He reasons and I have to agree with him. I'd laugh if it'd happen to someone else. So I crack a small smile and say thanks.

"You're welcome" – He says, looking at me with warmth in his eyes and adorable little grin. I launch myself at him and hug him tightly, trying to get as much of wet clothes on him as I can. In the end he's almost as wet as me and it makes me grin like a fool.

"Gotcha" – I say, getting up and giving him a hand. He takes it and scoops me to the big bear hug.

"Let's go, little Red?" – He finishes the hug and starts walking toward my room.

"Let's go" – I mumble and catch up with him.

.

Two hours later I'm standing outside of dining room with my fag, waiting for Bar to appear. I decided to straighten my hair and put a little more make-up. Anna gave me her little red dress that looks too tight for me and hugs perfectly every little curve of my body. I wear small heels, because I'm pretty tired and high heels would kill me. For some reason I'm a bit nervous. What if she doesn't like my outfit? What if she doesn't show up? What if she doesn't want to see me again? I know I'm being paranoid, but I'm having fun in her company and I want this to continue.

"Waiting for someone?" – I hear familiar voice behind me and turn around to see her standing there, grinning from ear to ear. She's wearing tight black jeans with white belt, tight black buttoned shirt with white tie and white boots. She looks amazing and I wish I'd have worn that pretty dress I bought on Wednesday. But I didn't have time to do laundry, so today she'll have to be satisfied with what I'm wearing. And from the look on her face I can see she's more than satisfied.

"Whoa!" – Is the only thing she exclaims after dragging her eyes very deliberately and slowly over my body.

"Yeah?" – I ask, nervously smoothing invisible wrinkles on my dress.

"You're gorgeous, Emily" – She says and I can see sincerity in her eyes. She takes my hand and kisses it, making me blush slightly and smile shyly at her.

"Thank you. You're looking not bad yourself" – I comment on her appearance. In fact, she looks amazing and while I'm taking it all in, I see her leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips.

"What was that for?" – I giggle a little, because she makes me feel the nervous high I didn't feel for a very long time.

"Just because I wanted to. Let's go, the food is waiting" – She gives me last longing look and walks inside, with me following her closely.

Tal's waving to us when we're getting inside and we decide to sit with them. Anna's still pouting at me because of our little "fight" at the meeting earlier. But it's not too long before she's smiling at the jokes Bar's telling. She's actually very witty, this cute redhead. Her jokes are smart and she's telling them with confidence of a stage person. Discretely she puts her hand on my thigh, making me cough violently and Tal looking as smug as ever. I try to act as nothing happened, but it's damn hard when her hand starts to make little circles on my thigh. I put my hand over hers and stop her, looking her directly in the eyes. I hope she understands me and her smile tells me she does. She doesn't move her hand from my thigh though. She goes back to telling jokes and stories that I don't really hear. I'm lost in her voice, her beautiful face I'm watching from the corner of my eye, in the feeling of her hand still resting on my thigh. It's a wonderful feeling, knowing that someone out there wants me. It's a feeling I've been craving for from my family, my lover and friends. I've lost it not once, but now it's back in my life. I don't ever want to let it go.

I feel her hand squeeze my leg and snap out of my daze. She's smiling at me and I wink at her.

"Are you finished?" – She asks me, removing her hand from my thigh. I instantly miss its warmth.

"Yes. But isn't it too early for a pub yet?" – I answer, wondering what she has in mind.

"I have some plans before the pub. Are you coming?" – She says with mischievous glint in her eyes. This kind of glint usually scares me, only now it makes me incredibly curious.

"Do I have a choice?" – I ask with a smirk.

"No, not really. Come on" – She takes her dishes and walks to the washing machine. I have no other choice but follow her. "Where are we going to?"

"You'll see" – Her smile becomes mysterious and it makes me even more curious.

.

It takes us about fifteen minutes to get there. The place is stunning, even in the dim evening light. It reminds me of the lake, the one place that was so important to me back then.

"Wow…it's beautiful" – It's all I can say, because no words can describe this amazing place.

"Get used to the beauty. You're going to work here the next week" – She says, stepping behind me and wrapping her hands around my waist.

"I am? Cool!" – I'm really looking for the next week.

"And you can take a swim every day after work. Isn't it amazing?" – She says, placing her chin on my shoulder.

"Why don't we take one now?" – I turn my head and kiss her temple.

"Sure. Naked" – She says, licking her lips deliberately.

"I don't think it's a good idea" – I see the predatory look in her eyes and it scares me a bit.

"It's just swimming. I won't try anything else. Promise" – She says, smiling sweetly at me.

"Alright. Strip then" – I raise an eyebrow in challenge. She winks at me and starts taking her clothes off. I know I'm perving, but I just can't take my eyes from her. Very soon she's down to her underwear. Suddenly she stops, putting her hands on her hips and moves her eyes all over my body.

"Aren't you going to get rid of those?" – She dismisses my clothes with a wave of a hand and keeps staring at me. I feel blush creeping up my neck and shrug.

"I will. As soon as you are in the water" – I answer, suddenly feeling very embarrassed under her intense gaze.

"Now, that's not fair. But I'll give you this one" – She says, looking me in the eyes. She runs to the water, where she strips off her underwear and jumps in the water. I don't wait long, taking my own clothes off and going to the water.

"C'mon, Emily, get in! The water is wonderful!" – She yells at me, but I'm still reluctant to get in. I give her a shy smile and she turns around, sensing my embarrassment. I take off last items of my clothing and get in the water.

It's warm, but still refreshing. I swim towards Bar, who's sitting on the stone inside the water. She doesn't shy away, even though I can see her perfectly shaped boobs. Of course, my eyes are glued to them now. I am still a boobs girl, okay? Bar starts giggling when she catches me staring at her like a sex-starved teenage boy. I don't care, I like the boobs.

I stop swimming few feet from her, using my legs and hands to stay at the place. I appreciate her beautiful features from afar and smile at her warmly. She smiles back, getting back in the water and swimming towards me. I don't move from my place, letting her get closely. She stops in front of me, not touching me. She looks me directly in the eyes and I fall again in her gorgeous green pools. I can see emotions floating in them, one after another. Her smile disappears and her eyes become darker. She leans in and that's when I close my eyes. I'm lost in the softness of her lips, this kiss makes my head spin. Out of instinct I'm pulling her closer to me, feeling our skin touch. I snap out of the kiss, virtually jumping in the water, probably looking like a scared rabbit. She doesn't say anything, just stays there quietly, lets me swim back to the land. I get out of the water and immediately put my clothes on. I feel intimidated by her. I light a cigarette and just sit there, puffing on it as fast as I can. In my peripheral I see her getting out and pulling her underwear on. She doesn't put other clothes on and sits beside me, watching the water.

"I'm sorry" – I say quietly after I finish my fag and look at her "I don't know why I freaked out"

"It's okay" – She's still watching the water, but I can see it's not okay. She's hurt and I'm the one who did it.

I kiss her damp cheek and feel her breathe hitch. "I really am sorry. Please forgive me?"

"I'll try. You'll tell me, right?" – She finally looks at me, her eyes are sad, but hopeful.

"Tell you what?" – I'm confused.

"Why did you come to Israel? What happened in England that made you run?" – She takes my hand, playing with my fingers absently.

"I will. I promise" – I say, kissing her hand and looking her directly in the eyes. "Now, kiss me and put those clothes on, we have a pub to hit tonight"

She obliges and kisses me the way that makes me forget about my freak out few minutes ago. She kisses me like our whole relationship depends on it. I kiss her back as eagerly and get a big hug after the kiss ends. She gets up then and puts her clothes back.

"C'mon then, the pub's waiting. I'm more than ready to drink myself into oblivion and dance my feet off. Are you with me?" – She smiles again and tags on my hand.

"Yes!" – I smile back. _Always_, I add to myself.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N : And here's another update. Thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing. You're the best :-)**

**Chapter 11**

.

Tickles. Something tickles my neck. Go away! Let me sleep. Why is there something tickling my neck? I'm really bothered by it and in my still sleepy haze I decide to check it. I half open an eye and close it immediately. Why is it so bright in the room? That's when my brain registers I'm not in my room. I make another attempt at opening my eye again, looking a bit around. I feel like crap, my head is pounding and I have no idea where am I. I turn my head a little and finally I understand what tickles my neck. Bar is nestled in my shoulder and her beautiful red hair is all over my face and neck. Wait, what am I doing in bed with Bar? Oh God, I really hope we didn't break our promise to take it slow. I try to remember how I ended up here, but nothing comes to my mind. I'm looking around the room, trying not to move the sleeping beauty. What? She is beautiful while sleeping. The room is small, but it's definitely Bar's. I see her military uniform folded neatly on the chair. The walls are full of women posters along with some military stuff. She also has a couple of awards on the table, although I can't see from the bed what awards are those. In slight horror I see the clothes she wore yesterday all over the floor, along with my dress and heels.

"We didn't do it" – She startles me and I jump slightly. "Ow, be careful"

"Sorry" – I say sheepishly. "You startled me. I thought you were asleep"

"You're thinking too loud" - She yawns and stretches a little around me. "Good morning, beautiful"

"Good morning" – I answer reluctantly. The last thing I remember is me dancing wildly to some trance music in the pub with Bar watching me with an amused smile.

"You don't remember anything, right?" – She says with the same smile.

"I'm trying to. How did I end up here?" – I ask her, afraid to hear the answer. To be honest, there was only one time when I couldn't remember anything in the morning and it included Mandy. Not a happy memory, I have to say.

"Well, it's a funny story, actually. You wanted to swim, but you were so drunk, I had to half-carry you. I didn't let you swim, of course. Instead I brought you here and you started to snore the second your head hit the pillow" – She smirks at me playfully.

"I don't snore!" – I exclaim, completely unaware of her teasing. She starts chuckling and places a big sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"No offence, but you could use a shower" – She says, nudging me out of the bed. "Second door on the left. The towels are in the cupboard. Take something from my closet to change and wake me up when you're done"

I nod, pulling my dress back, but she's already asleep. I'm out of the door in a second and in the bathroom in a flash. I really don't want to accidently see one of her parents if I look as crap as I feel. The thought strikes me then – I know almost nothing about her family. I make a mental note to ask her more questions. I need to know stuff if we're going somewhere in this relationship.

I take my clothes off and get in the shower. It feels heavenly and I let myself soak a bit under the hot water. Usually I'd take a cold shower because it's too hot in this country, but right now I just need to soak for a bit and try to remember how far did I embarrass myself last night. The one thing I'm sure about is that I've drank too much. Again. After our little skinny dipping Bar took me straight to the pub and let me loose myself. I've drank everything she gave me. Remarkably, she drank as much as I did, but she wasn't as equally drunk. I'll have to ask her about it too.

I finish my shower and get out to sneak back to Bar's room as quietly as I can. Not a chance, this time. As soon as I'm out of the bathroom door, I bump into Dana. Yes, the cockatoos Dana from Gan Guru.

"So, you're her latest conquest?" – She says, not really asking me. She looks at me for two more seconds and strolls away down the hall. What did she mean by last conquest? Wondering about her words, I get back in Bar's room and sit on the chair.

"Come…cuddle time…" – I hear her sleepy voice from the bed and see her patting the bed beside her. I don't feel like cuddling right now. I need some answers. First of all, what's the connection between Dana and Bar, are they sister? Why didn't either of them tell me? Second of all, a conquest? I'm pretty sure we didn't have sex yet, fuck it, we've barely made out. And last one - does Bar bring girls home regularly?

"What's wrong, Emily?" – She lifts her head to look at me with confused, but worried eyes.

"Who's Dana? Why did she say I'm your latest conquest?" – I blurt out, not really thinking about my words.

"Shit…I'll kill her!" – She's out of the bed in a second and I can't help but admire her body in lacy black underwear. Get a grip, Emily! You need your answers. Meanwhile Bar's out of the room and shouting at someone, presumably at Dana. I can't understand a thing because they're shouting at each other in Hebrew. A minute later Bar rushes back to the room and wraps herself around me.

"I'm so sorry. She didn't have a right to say it to you" – Reluctantly I bring myself to hug her back, but I still need my answers.

"Is she your sister? Why didn't you tell me? I've been working with her for whole week" – I say, hurt by them both. "You should have told me"

"Yes, she's my big sister. She's a bit homophobic, we're really not close. I'm sorry, honey" – She's kissing my head and I melt inside a little.

"Do you bring girls home all the time then?" – I ask the most horrific question.

"Not lately. Not since I've met you. But yet, I've brought a lot of girls in the past" – She looks well ashamed and I hug her to show I'm not mad.

"It's alright. We all have past" – I say and I mean it. "You're not going to bring more girls here, right?"

"No! Only you, until you decide it's over" – She says, not looking me in the eyes. Wait, is she scared I'm going to run away?

"I am not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, I'm afraid" – I say, a small smirk playing on my lips. "But now you should take a shower. Go, I'll wait for you outside. I need a fag"

.

Twenty minutes and two fags later we're both sitting outside Bar's house. It's a different part of the Kibbutz, the one I haven't seen before. It's beautiful here, under the mountain. You can see most of the Kibbutz from her house. We've been sitting in silence since she came out with a coffee. It's not uncomfortable silence, even though there's a bit of tension between us. She's practically sitting in my lap and it feels good.

"So, tell me. How many girls did you sleep with?" – I ask, kissing her neck.

"Do you really want to know?" – She answers, smiling as I leave a trail of ghost kisses all over her neck.

"No, not really. But you're quite a player, are you?" – I say as a matter of fact, kissing her jaw.

"I was. Not anymore. I like you" – She says, looking me in the eyes, sincerity in her face. I kiss her then, softly and slowly, showing her that I really appreciate her words.

"I like you too" – I answer, meaning it. "And I want to tell you now"

"Tell me what?" – She looks curious, although I can see a little fear in her eyes.

"Naomi. She's the reason I am the way I am. I loved her since I first saw her, it was in middle school. I'd secretly follow her and watch her from afar, thinking she didn't even know I exist. You see, my sister, Katie, she's always put me in her shadow. I was a shy reserved kid, gay and scared. It took me time to accept myself and chase Naomi, but in the end we got together and I knew she loved me as long as I loved her. But then she went and cheated on me" – I know I'm crying again, but I don't care. Bar's holding me a little more tightly, but doesn't say a word. "I was so angry and hurt. But I loved her. We spent almost a year under one roof, hating and loving each other. And then I almost lost her, but she did everything to win me back. The problem was I couldn't let it go. There are two things I hate the most and she did them both – she cheated and lied to me. I tried to get back, because I loved her. But if I could forgive her for cheating, I couldn't do it about the lying. You know?"

"Yes, I know. Shhh, don't cry" – She's kissing my eyes and I can't help but smile through tears.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you earlier…" – I say, but she shuts me up by kissing me. I respond to the kiss like there's no tomorrow.

"Better?" – She asks, pulling away from the kiss. I only can nod, burying my head in her shoulder, inhaling deeply. She smells wonderful, like blueberries and mint. I just want to stay there forever, but I feel her pushing me slightly, in an attempt to stand up.

"Don't go" – I whisper, holding her down on my lap.

"I need a loo" – She laughs softly. "I'll be back in few minutes. Do you want something to eat?"

"I don't know…yes?" – I answer, still holding on her tightly. I'm starving, to be honest. But I don't want her to move, I feel like I'll break down if she moves an inch.

"Honey, you have to let me go, if you want something to eat. And just to remind you, I still need a loo. I'll be fast" – She says, finally standing up from my lap. She doesn't leave before kissing me, though. I hope she's back fast. I'm starving and I need her now.

Two seconds later the door cracks open and I lift my eyes to meet her with a smile. The smile falls from my face when I see Dana walking directly at me.

"Are you still here? I think you should fuck off now. Go to your house, you freak!" – She yells at me and my eyes well up with tears again.

"Why are you so horrible, Dana? You've worked with me for a whole week and you didn't have a problem with me. Why do you have a problem now?" – I say, sniffling lightly.

"Because you're a freak, just like my sister" – She answers spitefully, not looking at me.

"I am who I am, and your sister too. You should love her because she's your sister, not to hate her because she's gay" – I shout at her, suddenly very angry. She reminds me of my mother and I can't let someone as hateful treat Bar the way my mother treated me.

"Stop it, Dana!" – My superwoman is already shielding me from her sister, who's already has her arm in the air as though she's ready to slap me. "C'mon, Emily, let's go. We're not welcomed here"

She takes my hand and drags me after her towards my room. She's gripping my hand a bit too tightly, but I say nothing, because I know how she is feeling. I just keep my pace the same as hers. Suddenly she stops, turns to me and hugs me as tight as I did before. I feel her tears dampen my shirt before I can hear her sobbing. I hold her close to me, crying with her, although my tears come from different pain. It takes us a while to stop sobbing, but when we do, we're both smiling. I know I've got her now, and she knows she's got me. I take her hand this time and continue our journey to my room. That's where our friends are, my little family in this country.

.

"Oh, there you are, two little bunnies" – Tal's chuckles, when he sees us, but stops abruptly, when he registers how awful we both probably look. "What happened?"

"It's Dana again" – Bar says, sitting on the bench with me following her. "You know how she is"

"Oh, baby" – Tal nods and comes to hug us both. I burry my head in his shoulder and let myself cry a bit more. Bar's not crying though.

"Do you have some beer? I think we deserved it" – She says, standing up and walking inside.

"Grab something to eat! I'm starving!" – I shout after her, hoping that there's something more than just yoghurt.

"Are you alright, little Red?" – Tal asks me with worried expression.

"Yes. It was an eventful morning" – I answer, smiling at him gratefully. "Why are you sitting here alone? Where are Anna and Kristin?"

"Anna's in bed, Kristin didn't sleep home. Just like you, little one" – He winks at me and I shake my head in disbelief.

"We didn't have sex, Tal. First, I was too drunk. Second, we're both not ready yet" – I say, regretting instantly. His smile tells me he's not going to let it go now.

"You've looked quite ready yesterday, from what I remember" – He winks at me again. I'm saved by Bar, who's out with more coffee and some sandwiches. She sets them down and slaps Tal across the head.

"Stop it, you sex maniac. Anna's up, she'll get out soon" – She smirks at him, sitting in my lap again. "Brought you some food, beautiful"

"Thank you" – I say, kissing her cheek. I like that she always wants some kind of connection between us – hands holding, kissing, hugging. I always craved close contacts, but never got it from the one I loved.

"You're welcome" – She pecks me on the lips before taking a cup of coffee and sip on it loudly. I giggle a little and take my cup, enjoying the coffee.

"You two are sickeningly adorable" – Tal says, making a sick face. I know he's just teasing, because I can see him suppressing a smile.

"Thank you, I love you too" – Bar says, playfully slapping him on the arm.

We sit in the comfortable silence for another few minutes, happily chewing our food and drinking the coffee. I feel relaxed, even though the morning was an emotional wreck. I also feel like a big burden has been lifted from my chest. I've finally been able to tell Bar everything about my past. I think I can start letting go now. Our silence is interrupted by very loud Anna stumbling out of the room.

"What's going on? Why couldn't you let me sleep?" – She whines, sitting on Tal's lap.

"It's 1PM, honey. You need your food" – He says, kissing her forehead.

"Oh yes, that I need. Where's it?" – She says, looking around. She spots us on the nearby bench. "Hey, you two"

"Good morning, sleeping beauty" – I wink at her, getting a scowl in return.

"I think it's time to prepare lunch. Bar, would you help me?" – Tal suggests, looking at Bar. She nods and kisses me before getting up and going after him. As soon as they're inside, Anna sits beside me and expectantly looks at me.

"What?" – I ask defensively.

"Tell me!" – She says, obviously wanting to hear all about the sexy times I didn't have last night.

"Tell you what?" – I like to torture her.

"How was it?" – She becomes annoyed, that's the reaction I want.

"How was what?" – I smile innocently at her, getting a small slap on my head. "Oi, stop it! Friends abuse!"

"You spent a night at her place. How was it?" – She clarifies, obviously getting more annoyed.

"I spent a night in the pub. After that I don't remember much, but I'm pretty sure we didn't have sex." – She looks disappointed. "I've told her about Naomi, this morning"

"You did? Good! You should start a new life, without her being on your mind. And Bar deserves to know" – She says, suddenly becoming all wise and supportive.

"Yes, she does" – I agree, nodding into my coffee. "Do you think we're going too slowly?"

"It depends on you two, sweetie" – She says, squeezing my hand. "Do you still want for your relationship to go slowly?"

"Yes, I'm not ready yet. I've witnessed it yesterday" – I say, feeling a bit ashamed for some reason.

"Why? What did you do? Or didn't do?" – She asks, her eyes are sparking with curiosity.

"Bar took me swimming. Naked swimming. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed the view. But I also felt like I've been pushed too far too fast." – I shrug, not looking her in the eyes.

"It's completely fine. You've been through a lot lately, betrayal isn't an easy thing to get over" – She says and I look at her completely dumbfounded.

"When did you get so wise?" – I say, teasing her a little.

"I've always been smart, I just prefer not to show it. If you'd tell someone – I'd have to kill you" – She jokes and the tension is broken. "You'll be fine. And we're here to help you through this, alright?"

"Thank you" – I hug her then, because she's like a sister to me.

"So, when do you plan to have sex then?" – She says and I slap her around the head.

"Some things will never change. You and Tal are perfect for each other" – I laugh, finally feeling better.

.

An hour later we all can barely move. Tal and Bar made a great lunch, amazing vegetarian lasagna with green salad. Anna and Tal are getting all cuddly in the hammock, me and Bar are back on the bench, and Kristin joined us few minutes ago. It feels like a little family. The one person I'd really love to see here is Katie. I miss her. I even miss the little worm I call brother.

"Tal, are we going tomorrow to the town? I really want to get a phone" – I ask him, but have to ask twice because he's so involved in make-out with Anna.

"Well, you're working from 8 to 6, so I'll come to collect you somewhere around 6" – He says, getting back to kissing as soon as last word leaves his mouth.

"You should give me your number. I'll call you as soon as I get it" – I turn my attention back to Bar.

"Are you sure?" – She says and I see that fear in her eyes again.

"Yes. I told you, I'm not going anywhere" – I assure her, kissing her hand.

"Alright, I'll write it down later" – She says with a sweet smile and pecks me on the lips.

"Good. I'll call you in the evening then" – I wink at her and laugh when she attempts to catch my lips again with her own. She pouts and I relent, kissing her again.

"I won't be home next weekend" – She says suddenly. I look at her, surprised to hear that. "They want me to close a weekend at the base. So it's a good thing you're getting a phone. At least I'd be able to hear you"

"I'll miss you" – I say, hugging her tightly. She hugs me back and I feel all her emotions in this hug.

"You won't have time to miss me and then I'll be back" – She says, kissing my forehead before wrapping her arms around me again.

"Hey, guys, do you want to the pool?" – Tal asks us after few minutes. "We still have a lot of time before the dinner"

"What do you say, beautiful?" – Bar asks me and I nod my agreement.

"I can lend you one of my bikinis" – Anna says to Bar and now it's her turn to nod. We all change to our swimming costumes and make our way to the pool.

My mind takes me back to this weekend and I can't help but think it was a productive few days. I've spent a lot of time with Bar and finally told her about Naomi. I was scared to see her reaction, but she was just so amazing. I'll miss her the following two weeks. I kiss her cheek as we're walking hand in hand and watch her looking at me with a beautiful sincere smile. I'll take this smile with me and will think about it every time I miss her. I smile back, because this is really easy with her. I want to smile more and more when she's around. It's a good thing, right? I think it is.

.

**A/N : Review please? **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

.

"Good morning, beautiful" – I wake up from the murmuring directly into my ear. I smile, not opening my eyes.

"Good morning" – I answer, turning around and dropping a hand around her waist.

"I need to get up, my bus is in an hour" – She murmurs again, so softly I can barely hear her.

"What time is it?" – I ask, unable to move from my warm place.

"Just a bit after six" – She says, kissing my temple. I groan, because it's the only thing I can do in this early hour.

"Why do you have to leave?" – I whine, snuggling more inside her shoulder.

"Because I am a soldier, honey. I'll be back before you notice" – She kisses my temple again and makes a move to get up. I don't let her, because it feels just perfect right now.

I think about last evening. We decided to sleep at her place, because we both were reluctant to let go. We didn't have sex, just cuddled and kissed until we were too tired to stay awake. Next two weeks won't be easy for both of us and we tried to get the most of our last night together. I don't want to leave this warm cocoon we've been sleeping in. But I don't really have a choice, do I?

"I really need to take a shower now, honey…" – She attempts to get up again and this time I let her. I need to be strong here. I stay in the bed while she's running to a fast shower. I'll still have time to shower at my place before work, so I decide to lie down a little more. I've probably dozed off for a bit, because the next thing I know, Bar's waking me up. She's already dressed in her uniform, with her riffle around and a big bag in her hands.

"Wakey, wakey" – She sings in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. "I need to go. Do you want to accompany me to the bus stop?"

I'm out of the bed and dressed in record time. She's smoothing my hair and takes my hand, looking at me. Her eyes are smiling warmly at me and I smile back. We walk to the bus station hand in hand, the road is empty and peaceful. I feel sadness creeping in my heart, but I have to be strong. It's not like she'll be gone forever, right? Still, I'm sad and worried. She's a soldier, alright? I'm entitled to be worried.

"Hey, get out of this head of yours" – She says, smiling at me.

"Get back safe, yeah?" – I probably look more worried than I feel, because she wraps me in a tight hug that feels like it's going to break me.

"I will" – She says, smiling at me. – "Of course I will"

All too soon the bus is here and she has to leave. I kiss her goodbye and promise to call in the evening. I make my way back home then, because god, I smell and need a shower.

.

I decide to take a long route back to my room. I still have almost three hours before I have to get to work and I want to spend them alone. I don't feel like a company right now. It's not that I don't like the girls, but sometimes they can be too loud. I let my legs take me at their own pace and I find myself in the little Japanese garden they have in Kibbutz. It's small, but amazingly beautiful. It looks like a small piece of Japan, just like Gan Guru looks like a small piece of Australia in Israel. I sit there for a while, enjoying the silence. It's peaceful, but I can't stay for too long. I have to take a shower, eat something and get to work. Can't be late for the new place, right?

"Where have you been?" – I hear Kristin's worried voice as soon as I enter the room.

"At Bar's. We decided to spend a night together before she has to go to army for two whole weeks" – I say sadly. Kristin instantly picks on it and wraps an arm around me.

"Are you alright?" – She asks and I nod, because I really am fine.

"Just a bit sad, that's all" – I say, smiling at her. "I'm going to take a shower now, okay? Wait for me and we'll go to breakfast together? Where's Anna, by the way?"

"Woah, hold on with questions. Anna's somewhere out, she didn't sleep at home either. Probably has been having fun with Tal. And I'll wait for you, but do it fast. I'm starving" – She says, smirking at me.

It takes me ten minutes to shower and get ready, because I'm starving too. The breakfast is really good in this place, you know? Kristin feigns a shocked face, but I flip her off. When I'm hungry I get ready fast. Sue me.

.

I'm bored. I'm so fucking bored in this place. Don't get me wrong, it's so beautiful here. But there were absolutely no people in this restaurant since it opened and I've run out of things to do. I've already finished all the dishes, I've cleaned the whole kitchen and I've checked dates on all drink bottles. I'm sitting near the window watching the few people outside for last twenty minutes and I'm bored out of my mind.

"So, how's it going?" – I hear a familiar voice and turn around to see Tal standing at the entrance with a cheeky grin on his face.

"God, take me out of this place. I'm dying from boredom!" – I exclaim, throwing myself at him. He starts laughing so hard, I'm afraid he's going to need a doctor.

"Calm down already!" – I slap him across the head and it sobers him a little. He's still chuckling though.

"Wait here" – He says after he catches his breath and walks to the kitchen. I turn my head back to the window, watching people swimming around.

"C'mon, we're leaving. You get your break right now" – He smirks at me, taking my hand and start walking towards the exit.

"Where are we going?" – I ask few minutes later, when we get to the car.

"First of all we drive to your room to take the phone and the money, and then to the town to buy you a sim-card" – He says, already driving in the direction of Kibbutz.

"Okaaaay…" – I drawl, confused a little. "Didn't we agree to go after the work?"

"Yeah, but I want to go now. You need a phone, I need a break, Bar needs to hear your voice. See? Everyone wins if we go now" –This boy's logic is the strangest I've ever heard. Except for Cook, maybe.

"But my work…" – He doesn't seem to care I'm saying something, as he starts humming to himself. I decide to let it drop. He's the boss, right?

Few minutes later we're pulling just outside my room. He sends me to get the phone and money, while he sits outside to smoke. It takes me few moments to remember where did I put my phone, but finally I find it and get outside. I sit with Tal, getting my own fags out and lighting one.

"Let me see" – He says, reaching for my phone. I hand it to him because he's like a brother and I don't really have secrets from him.

"Who's the pretty blonde?" – He says as soon as he looks at it and I silently curse myself. That's the only secret I didn't tell him yet. Why didn't I delete all her photos? The truth is, I've hidden my phone as far away as I could and didn't even think about it in last weeks. It's been lying in one of my bags all the time I've been in Israel. The first time I thought about it was when I realized I'd miss Bar while she's in the army. She's been pretty distracting, this girl.

"My ex" – I say dryly, regretting my tone when I see a bit of hurt in his eyes.

"Don't bite my head off" – He teases and I relax a bit. "Tell me?"

"It's a long story" – I say, not wanting to talk about it.

"I have time" – He insists.

"But I don't have time and will to talk about it" – I snap at him, lighting another fag.

"Sorry" – He finally gets the hint and drops the subject. I feel a bit bad about snapping at him, but he should have taken a hint earlier. I cast a side glance at him and see the hurt is back in his eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry. It's a sore subject and I have a tendency to get angry about it. Truce?" – I put my hand on top of his and squeeze a little. He looks up at me and smiles.

"Truce. But you know you can talk to me whenever and whatever you need about, right? Especially if it includes sexy girl-on-girl times" – He gives me his best goofy grin and I smile back, slapping him playfully on the arm.

"Thank you" – I say, kissing his cheek and standing up. "Are we going to buy this sim now or what?"

.

An hour and half, lots of nerves and misunderstandings later, we're out of the phone shop with brand new cell phone. Yes, they couldn't use my phone from home, they said I have to buy a new one. Tal's got pretty angry with them and finally we converged on the new "old" phone. It didn't cost me much and gave me the privilege to call UK for almost nothing. I was pretty happy about the whole deal and we signed it.

"So, are you going to text her your new number or what?" – Tal says, obviously trying to tease.

"Who?" – I play innocent, teasing him back.

"Your girlfriend" – He ruffles my hair affectionately and I make an annoyed face. He knows I'm not really annoyed with him, but rather grateful.

"I'll have a long chat with her in the evening. Now I'm going to send a text to my sister. Thank you" – I say, smiling warmly at him.

"Do you want something to eat? I'll go get something from that coffee shop" – He nods his head towards the nearby shop.

"Yes, please. Whatever you think is good. Don't take long, I'm hungry!" – I practically scream at him, as he's going toward the shop very fast.

I turn my attention to my new phone. I punch Katie's number into the phone – I know it by heart. I play with the phone for a bit, changing pictures and the ringtone. Then I decide I'm finally ready to write.

_Hey, bitch. It's your sister. Call me. E. xxx_

I wait for about ten seconds until the phone starts ringing. I smile and wait few rings before I answer.

"What the fuck took you so long to answer, bitch?" – Oh, I love my sister. She's the gentlest person in the world.

"Hello, my dear sister" – I giggle a little as she continues to rant about how precious her time is. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Sort of…" – Her lisp thickens and I know something's wrong.

"What's going on, Katie?" – I'm already picturing all kinds of scenarios in my head – from mum being a bitch to someone been dead.

"Well…I…you know…kind of…" – She stutters a little and it makes her lisp even thicker.

"What? Tell me!" – I all but scream at her right now.

"Ivebrokenyourfavoriteheels" – She breaths out in one word.

"What?" – I ask more anxiously.

"I've broken your favorite heels" – She says as quietly as she can. Which is very quiet, comparatively to how loud she usually is.

"God, Katie! Are you for real? You made me all worried! I thought someone died!" – I relax slightly.

"Sorry. And sorry for your heels" – She's still way too quiet.

"Anything else, Katie?" – I ask, feeling she didn't tell me everything.

"Yes…no…well…" – She's stuttering again and I'm getting angry.

"What?" – I shout out and feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around with a hand ready to punch and see Tal's smiling face right in front of mine.

"I miss you, Emsy" – Katie says and I melt instantly. I smile back to Tal and nod to the nearby bench. He walks over there and I follow him.

"I miss you too, Katie" – I tell her and I mean it. "Are you fine there otherwise? How's mum, dad, James?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Working for mum's shitty business. James helps dad in the gym and asks about you all the time. You should call him" – She says in her original bored voice.

"I will" – I agree, laughing a little at her big sister attitude again.

"You're alright over there by yourself?" – She asks, worry in her voice.

"Yes" – I say, looking directly at Tal. "I've made some friends here"

He winks at me, handing me my food and coffee. I wink back, taking it from him.

"Katie, I need to go" – I say reluctantly. "I'll call you in few days?"

"You better do! Or I'll come over there and kick your ass!" – I'm full on laughing now. She giggles along. Tal's watching me with interest, while tucking in his food.

"Yeah, yeah. Bye, Katie" – I say and finish the call after hearing her goodbye.

I put the phone in my pocket and get ready to tuck in my food. I have no idea what is it, but the smell is delicious.

"It's called 'Jerusalem Mixed'" – Tal says, taking another bite of his pita. "It contains chicken, chicken hearts, onion and pepper. We usually eat it like falafel, with pita and pickles"

"We're not in Jerusalem" – I observe, smelling the food again.

"No, we're not. It's just the name, they make it everywhere. You can make it at home, it's really easy" – He explains, smirking at me.

"It's not going to kill me, right?" – I say warily and he starts chuckling softly.

"No, little Red, it won't. Now, eat your food" – He says, taking a sip of his coke.

Reluctantly I take a bite of my pita and hum my approval. It's actually very good. I finish my pita in record time, even for me. I was starving, alright?

"Liked it?" – Tal asks me, handing me a lighter when I get a fag out.

"Yeah, it was good. Do I really need to get back to work now?" – I whine, putting on my best pouting face.

"Yes, little Red. Do you want to have few bears after work?" – He asks me, flipping the remaining of his fag off.

"You know where I live" – I joke, flipping my own fag off.

We get up and make our way back to the car. I don't really want to go back to that restaurant, but I don't have a choice, do I? Suck it up, Emily, only for this week. Knowing I won't see Bar tonight to kiss off my boredom doesn't help. Oh, well. Suck it up.

.

Two hours later and I'm really tired. I didn't sit once since I've got back to work. The restaurant is so different in the afternoon, very busy and loud. Children are running around, adults are eating and laughing, and I'm only waiting for the closing to get my piece of quiet.

"Emily, stop dreaming, start working!" – I hear Jacob, my boss, screaming from the kitchen.

I roll my eyes, taking the cleaning stuff and walking over to one of the tables. I'm already sick of cleaning tables and it's only been few hours. I think Jacob might hate me, because I took a lunch without talking to him. Or he just hates people. I'm sure I'll decide which one is it by the end of the week. I wish he would just leave me alone to clean my dirty tables. I am usually a very composed person, but right now my blood is boiling. This person just has a way to annoy me more and more. And those kids, running around me like fools…ARGH!

I'm so caught up in my head that I don't even feel the time anymore. Next time I take a look at my watch it's five minutes before the closing and I can finally breathe a little easier. The last clients left few minutes ago and all there's left to do is clean their tables and sweep the floor. I'm eager to finish my tasks as fast as I can so I could finally go home.

"You know, the broom really suits you" – I hear the teasing and don't even need to turn around to know he's smirking. Of course, Tal would tease me about anything. Usually I don't mind it and laugh with him, but today I'm tired and annoyed.

"Fuck off" – I say angrily, continuing the sweeping session.

"What's up, little Red?" – He says, putting a hand on my shoulder. I shrug it off, because suddenly I feel violated.

"Nothing. Could you please not touch me?" – I snap again, knowing full well I'm not being fair. I can't help it, I'm angry and tired, and really not in the mood for teasing.

"Alright. I'll be waiting in the car then" – He finally gets the message.

I finish my work and go to wash my hands before walking towards the car. Tal's sitting on the hood of the car, puffing on his cigarette. He's watching the water, his back to me. I just go over and wrap my hands around his waist.

"I'm sorry" – I say, feeling him tensing. I don't need to say more, because he knows. He just nods and pats my hands.

"Get in the car, the beer is waiting" – He says then, jumping off the car and getting inside. He starts the engine and I hop in the passenger sit.

.

It takes us not more than ten minutes to get back to my room. Tal's leaving me there and drives towards his house, to have a shower and change, as he says. I hope he's not angry with me, I feel the guilt run through me while he doesn't look at me before leaving. I'll have to explain myself later.

Right now I'm craving a shower though. But when I get into the room, I see there's not such a chance of having a shower right now. Partly because it's already occupied, but also because there are too many people inside the small room. I don't even know these people, except for Kristin and Mark. Oh, and that new girl Jackie. She's a cute girl, actually. Nice ass, definitely. Focus, Emily!

"Emily! Hi, sweetheart!" – Kristin waves at me, stretching lazily on her bed next to some unknown guy.

"Hello…" – I say cautiously. "What is going on?"

"Oh, we're just waiting for you and Tal to start our little beer party" – She answers, smiling sweetly at me. "Anna's in the shower, you're next"

"A party?" – I frown a little, because nobody mentioned a party to me. I thought we were supposed to drink a couple of beers in company of friends, nothing big.

"Beer party. It's nothing fancy, just the few of us" – Mark supplies.

"Ah…" – I don't feel comfortable with this "party" thing. I'm tired and I just want to have couple of beers with Kristin, Anna and Tal. I'm really not in the mood for more people.

I sit down on my bed and tune the chatting out. Just close my eyes and lean my back against the cool wall. I sit like this for a couple of minutes until I feel an intense gaze on my face. I open my eyes to see Kristin looking directly at me, cocking her eyebrow a little. I furrow my brows in a silent question and she nods her head towards Anna's bad with Mark and Jackie on it. Our silent conversation's ended with me nodding and Kristin ushering everyone out, including the unknown guy on her bed.

"What's up, sweetie?" – She sits beside me on the bed and puts a hand on my knee.

"I'm just tired. You didn't have to kick everyone out, I don't want to spoil everyone's fun" – I say shyly.

"It's alright, they weren't invited anyway" – She says, patting my knee.

"Who was that guy?" – I let a small smile tug my lips.

"Oh, that's just Omer. He's Bar's older brother" – She says and I know my eyes widened, because she's smirking at me.

"I thought she only had a sister" – I say sadly, realizing that I don't know much about my cute redhead.

"He doesn't live around here, but he comes to visit from time to time. We're good friends" – She says, winking at me. Great, another friend with benefits then. She has quite a few around here, eh?

"Good for you" – I wink back, chuckling a little.

Kristin chuckles with me and I instantly feel better.

"What are you two laughing about?" – Anna's finally out of the shower, dressed in only small towel. I can't help but let my eyes linger a little on her marvelous body. She just smirks at me, completely aware of me checking her. I don't even blush this time, because really, nothing bad about me checking out sexy girls. I'm simply admiring their forms. Alright, I'm just sexually frustrated. I get elbow in the ribs from Kristin, though, as she shifted on the bed to rest her back against the wall.

"Nothing" – I say, catching my breath. "Just getting out the tension"

Anna hops on my bed on the other side of me and nudges me with a shoulder.

"Where's my boyfriend then?" – She asks playfully.

"He said he's going to take a shower and then he'll come here with the beers" – I answer, getting up. "I need to take a shower too, so see you in a bit. Be good"

I wink at them and go over to my drawers to take some clothes to change. While in the bathroom, I strip fast and take a look at myself in the mirror. I've definitely put on a couple of pounds since I arrived here. I look healthier and feel the same. I nod to myself with a smile and turn on the shower.

.

When I get out of the shower, my hair dripping water down my spine, I see Tal's already in the room. I silently walk to him and hug him tightly. He's not surprised as he slips his hands around my waist.

"Hey! I'm right here!" – Anna exclaims playfully, hitting his bicep slightly. I show her a finger, staying in the bear hug for few more seconds. When I finally pull out, my place immediately gets taken by Anna.

"My boyfriend!" – She says, snuggling happily further into his arms. I giggle a little and wink at Tal.

I check my watch and decide 8 PM is more than reasonable time to call my redhead.

"I'm going outside, I have a call to make" – I say, getting smirks and winks in return.

I get out with my phone and settle in the hammock. I decide to light a cigarette and then make the call. I wait pretty long for it to get picked and a second before I decide to end the call, she finally answers.

"Hello?" – She sounds pretty confused. Well, she doesn't have my phone number yet, right?

"Hi, gorgeous" – I say, relaxing instantly as I hear her voice.

"Emily!" – She sounds rather surprised now.

"Didn't I tell you I'll call you in the evening?" – I tease a little, smirking to myself. Feels nice to be able to surprise her. "You sound surprised to hear me"

"No, no…I've just lost any sense of time today. It's been crazy. I've just finished the dinner and got some spare time before the bed time. So it's good you've called now" – She says excitedly.

"I'm glad you're free to talk" – I say, smiling into the phone.

"So how was your first day at the new place?" – She asks me curiously.

"Argh…don't ask. I think Jacob hates me" – I say, remembering how annoyed I've been at work.

"Don't mind him, he's acting like this with everyone" – She says, calming me even more.

"I'll try" – I say, nodding to myself. "He's just so annoying!"

She chuckles then and I can't help but chuckle with her.

"I miss you. Is it strange that I miss you already? It's got to be weird" – She suddenly starts to ramble.

"I miss you too. It's probably not that weird if this feeling is mutual" – I assure her and hear her smiling.

"I've almost met your brother" – I say, giggling a little at my words choice.

"What do you mean "almost"?" – She asks with the same confused tone that makes her voice sound just a little bit higher.

"Well, he was in my room when I came back from work, but I was in such a bad mood that Kristin just kicked everyone out. And I never got to meet him" – I answer, feeling rather silly now I tell her that.

"How do you know he's my brother then?" – She asks, still confused.

"Kristin told me. He's one of her "male friends", apparently" – I chuckle at the image of that. The girl's really a player.

"Oh, Kristin. Wait, are they dating again?" – She sounds surprised.

"I don't think they're dating. I actually thought she had a thing with Mark, but I guess it was a one-time thing" – I shrug, because it really isn't my place to judge.

"That's interesting…" – She says and then there's a pause while both of us are silent. It's still comfortable, because I can still hear her breathing. After few seconds though I decide to break the silence.

"Am I really not going to see you for almost two weeks?" – I say, mentally kicking myself for being so weak. But I've just started to feel the healing process this morning and now it's been taken from me for two weeks. This feeling of the calm warm, I need it now.

"I'll try to come by in your dreams" – She says sweetly. And this is one of the nicest things anyone ever told me. It calms me down and I nod, even though I know perfectly she can't see me.

The next thing I know Tal and the girls are outside with beers and acting pretty loudly.

"Why is it suddenly so loud in the background?" – Bar asks me while I try to shush them. They'd probably had a beer while giving me the space to call, because they just don't listen.

"It's Tal and the girls, they're all a bit tipsy already. We're having a relaxing beer evening. Although it's very hard to relax without you around" – I admit, feeling vulnerable again.

"But you'll try, right? Drink one beer for me too?" – She asks me and I nod dumbly again. "Emily?"

"Yes, I'll try to. I miss you" – I say again, pouting a little.

"Don't pout, honey. And I miss you too" – She says, reading me through the phone. "Look, I have to go. I still have some stuff to do around here. Will you call me tomorrow?"

"Of course!" – I exclaim, feeling rather sad.

"Good night then, beautiful" – She says and I hear her kissing the phone. I wish she was here to kiss me good night. But she's not and I'll just have to wait.

"Good night. I miss you" – I answer and finish the call.

I must be look really shit because Anna comes to me as soon as I close the phone and stumbles into the hammock beside me. She hands me a beer and wraps herself around me.

"It'll be okay" – She whispers into my ear and it helps. It's something I've got to love about my friends. The almost never ask questions and they're very loyal. They're always there for me with hugs and kisses and little whispers of absolutely nothings. They're a big part of my healing process, I'm just so happy I've found them. I had to come so far to find these amazing loyal friends. I don't complain though. They are amazing after all.

"I know it will" – I whisper back and close my eyes. It has to be okay, right?

.

.

**A/N : So, what do you think? Review please :-)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N : Sorry for the delay, guys. This chapter wasn't easy one to write, so it took me some time. Thank you all for reviews, I really appreciate them. But I feel like I have to say one thing - this IS NOT a Naomily fanfic, Naomi won't come to win Emily back and the only appearencse she still can get here are in Emily's dreams. So please, stop asking to bring her back. I'm sorry, but it's not a Naomily fanfic, guys. Hope you still like it.**

**Chapter 13**

.

"Are you coming?" – Anna asks when she gets out of the shower.

"I don't know…I'm tired" – I answer, pulling my still damp hair into a ponytail.

"Emily! You have to come!" – I can't help but chuckle. She looks so comic with her hands on her hips, wearing only a towel, pouting like a little child.

"But I'm tired, Anna!" – I say, letting the tiredness slip in my voice.

"So what? We all are. But we need to relax a little, so get dressed and let's go!" – She says, hands still on hips, but now she's smirking at me.

"Alright, Mother! But only because you're naked" – I wink at her and see the blush creeping up her chest. It's not easy to make Anna blush, but when she does – she's absolutely gorgeous.

It's Wednesday night and Tal decided we all should go for a movie and ice-cream date. I don't feel too good with the idea, because Bar's not here and I miss her. I don't think I've realized how much I like her until I was forced to be without her. Tal says it's not a real date, because Kristin and I aren't a couple, but the idea feels kind of forced. I don't have much choice though, because if I decline, Tal's just going to carry me on his shoulder again.

So I dress up in a pair of deep blue jeans and a loose green t-shirt, finishing the outfit with a bit of make-up and flats. It's still hot outside, even if it's already late evening. I get outside while Anna gets dressed and find there Kristin, sitting all alone on the bench.

"Where's Tal?" – I ask, sitting behind her and lighting a fag.

"He went to get dressed" – She says nonchalantly.

"What movie are we going to see?" – I really hope it's not a horror movie or something, because I'm not a big fan of those. I get scared easily, okay?

"Friends with benefits" – She says, chuckling a little.

"Fitting" – I chuckle with her. "How is your male-friend?"

"Which one?" – She asks in a bored tone of voice.

"Bar's brother?" – I supply, secretly hoping she'd tell me more.

"I have no idea. He's fine, probably" – She says in the same tone and I'm disappointed. I guess I won't get my curiosity satisfied today.

"Okay…" - I continue smoking in silence, until Anna crushes out of the door.

"Where's my man?" – She says excitedly while I take my time to check her out. She's wearing the smallest dress with biggest heels she's got. Nice view, I have to say. Tal's going to drool.

"He's not here yet. You do realize we're going to a movie, not to a bloody strip club?" – I try to get as much sarcasm as I can in my voice.

"I want to look nice for Tal. Is it a crime?" – She says innocently, tilting her head to the side.

"No, it's not. And you look nice. Even if a bit slutty" – I say, earning a harsh shove from her. She's smirking though and I know she's got the joke.

"You do look a bit slutty" – Kristin adds in and ducks away from the purse Anna throws her way.

We all stars giggling then and that's how Tal finds us.

"What's going on?" – He asks, chuckling a little, infected by our laugher.

"Hi, baby" – Anna manages to squeak between bursts of laugher and kiss him sloppily on the cheek. "The girls say I look slutty"

"Oh no, you look exactly how I like to" – Tal says, kissing her temple and showing us the finger. We giggle and start walking towards Tal's car. The love birds are strolling after us. It's going to be a long night with these two around.

.

Three hours later I don't feel any less tired. But my mood improved after the movie, big cup of ice cream and a lot of laughing. Anna was right, we all needed an evening out. Right now we're sitting on the bench somewhere in the town and drinking some beer. There's no tension in the air and I'm completely comfortable. Tal and Anna are currently indulged in the most heated make-out session and Kristin looks lost in her head.

"What's up?" – I nudge her slightly in ribs with my bottle.

"Huh?" – It's the only response I get. She's still staring somewhere in front of her, looking totally lost.

"Get back here, I can't handle the love birds all by myself" – I nudge her again and she turns to me with a smile. But there's sadness in her eyes I've never seen before.

"Talk to me?" – I say, putting a comforting hand on her knee. She just shakes her head and smiles at me again.

"You're a good kid, Emily" – She tells me and stands up. "I'm going to take a walk, be back in ten minutes"

I smile back at her and let her go. Few minutes pass in silence until it's broken by my phone ringing loudly. It makes me jump a little because I'm still not used to the new phone. Tal and Anna don't even flinch, they're so busy sucking each other's faces off. I look at the phone to see I've got a new message.

_How are you doing, gorgeous? Xx – _It says and my face immediately lit up with a smile.

_Hello, beautiful. I'm fine, hanging out with guys, and how are you? Xx _– I answer, trying to sound nonchalantly, but probably failing it even in the message.

_Missing you badly _ - She says and my heart flips inside my chest. So I'm not the only sad sap in this situation. The realisation makes my heart swell.

_I miss you too. Come home earlier? _– I know it's not going to happen, but I still write it, trying to show her I really mean it.

_I wish I could…I can't seem to sleep well without you by my side…_ - The smile on my face grows bigger. I feel like a little child smiling like an idiot and wanting to clap my hands. I should be sad, but I'm actually excited that she misses me as much as I miss her. It's a good thing, right? Sad, but good.

_That's the nicest thing someone told me in a really long time_ - I tell her, meaning every word.

_I'll try to say nice things more often then. I have to go to bed now, call me tomorrow evening?_ – Is her instant reply and I send her back my agreement. I can't stop smiling for a while, until Kristin gets back from her walk and looks expectantly at me.

"What are you smiling about like a loony?" – She asks me, sitting beside me on the bench.

"Nothing. Just about my amazing girlfriend" – I say cheekily.

"Oh yeah? Did she call?" – She looks interested enough for me to elaborate. Oh, who am I kidding. I'm dying to tell her.

"No, she just sent me a cutest message" – I smile at her. "Said she misses me and can't sleep properly without me"

"When did you two get so sappy?" – She mocks me with a wink. I slap her arm, but my smile only gets wider.

"I am not a sap, thank you very much!" – I say, feigning a pout.

"Yes you are!" – I hear Anna's loud voice from my left and turn to look at her. She's still sitting on Tal's lap and they're both smiling from ear to ear, looking directly at me. Again I feel like everybody's joke, but I know it's not true. These people had become my little family in this foreign country. Still, it doesn't give them a right to mock me about being a sap. Everybody's a sap sometimes, right?

"No, I am not! And you two should find a room, yeah? We're in the middle of the town, for fuck's sake!" – I smirk at the couple.

"Yes, we are. And I don't care" – Anna exclaims and proves her point by sticking her tongue directly in Tal's throat. I laugh and turn away. I take a look at Kristin and see the sadness clouded her face again.

"Are you alright?" – I ask her, knowing full well she won't talk to me. The girl can be very stubborn about her inner feelings and thoughts.

"I will be. Thank you, kiddo" – She answers, putting a hand on my knee and squeezing it. "We both will be alright"

"Yeah…" – I say, lighting a cigarette. Suddenly the tiredness falls on me. "I want to go home, I'm tired"

"Of course" – Kristin says to me and yells at the couple. "Come on, you two, let's go home!"

I didn't think the yelling would work, but it did. In a matter of seconds they both are up and walking towards the car. I go after them, falling in the back seat and almost passing out. It was a long day. Kristin takes care of me when we get back home, puts me to bed and tucks me in. I feel warm again, but way too son the tiredness takes over me and I fall asleep.

.

Next morning I wake up with a massive headache. I groan as I try to lift my head from the bed. My body isn't cooperating and the girls already left for their jobs today. I decide to take a rest for five more minutes. I feel like dying and I didn't even drink that much yesterday. Suddenly I'm aware of a banging noise, it comes from my door. My voice isn't cooperating either and I try to lift my head again.

"Emily? Emily!" – I hear Tal's voice, but for some reason it sounds like he's very far away from me. I know he's in my room, so he can't be far away, right? And I why do I feel so shitty and can't even lift my head? I groan again and feel a cold hand on my forehead. Why is it so cold?

"God, you're burning. Don't move!" – He sounds strange. Why does he sound panicked? I'm just hangover, really. Not that I can move anyway, mind you…what's wrong with me?

I guess I pass out again, because next thing I remember is some woman hovering above me with worried face. I get lifted then and carried somewhere, but I can't manage to keep my eyes open. I feel cold as I'm out of bed now and I want to wriggle out of my carrier's grasp, but my body still isn't cooperating. So I let it go and try to relax.

.

I wake up later in a strange bed, feeling totally exhausted. I open my eyes and try to look around. This isn't my bed and it's not in my room. My body still isn't cooperating, so I decide to close my eyes again. That's when I hear a faint voice.

"Emily?" – I freeze momentarily as I hear it. She can't be here. She couldn't possibly find out where I am, right? Even Katie doesn't know.

I open my eyes and sure enough there are blue eyes staring intently into mine. I shudder at the intensity of the stare. I close my eyes because I can't handle it now. I feel like death and I really can't think now. I squeeze my eyes as tight as I can, praying she'd go away.

"No, no, no, go away" – I whisper with my eyes still shut. "Please, go away"

"Emily?" – I hear again, but now it's in different voice, definitely familiar. I open my eyes one more time and suddenly fall into the green. These green, familiar, soft eyes. They're searching mine for something, but I'm too tired to find out what for. I don't even know how she's got here. Am I hallucinating?

"Shhhh, don't try to talk" – She says, pressing the softest kiss to my forehead. "Here, try to drink"

She brings a wet cloth to my dry lips and I suck eagerly on it to get some water. I'm so tired, I struggle to keep my eyes open.

"Try to sleep now. I'll be here when you wake up" – She says, kissing my forehead again and taking my hand. I nod slightly and close my eyes, passing out immediately.

.

I wake up again some time later, feeling a little less like death. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. The room is almost dark, the only source of light is coming from outside the room's door. I groan loudly when I try to change my pose, moving to my side. My eyes fall on the small figure, sleeping on the chair. She looks so lonely, so sad. I have an urge to pull her to my bed, but I really don't have the strength to wake her up. So I decide to watch her a little. Her eyes are moving as she's dreaming about something. A small smirk tugs in the side of her mouth. As I start to wonder if she can feel me watching her, she yawns and opens her eyes. They widen a little when she sees I'm watching her sleeping. I smile weakly at her, unable to do anything else. She jumps from her chair and rushes towards me, her hair suffering a really bad case of sleep hair. If I could laugh, I would definitely do that.

"How are you, sweetie?" – She asks me, worry in her voice.

"Water" – I croak out, my mouth is so dry. She brings me the wet cloth again and this time I shake my head. "Help, sit"

She helps me to sit up a little and brings a cup to my lips. I'm still very weak, but I can sip a little on the water and it feels heavenly. She kisses my temple and I manage a small smile. It's strange, feels like I haven't smiled for a very long time. I look questioningly at her and she gets a hint.

"You've been out for almost three days. We were really worried" – She says, tears in her eyes.

"Three?" – I manage to croak out, my mouth is still not cooperating properly. But I'm getting there, slowly and painfully.

"Yes. You were out for more than 24 hours after Tal brought you here and they started treating you" – She says, pressing another kiss to my temple.

"What's…wrong?" – I say, feeling like I was running a marathon and have no powers left in me.

"They say it's a virus, you got it pretty bad. But you're better now, they say. How do you feel?" – She says, worry still apparent in her eyes.

"Like…shit…tired…" – I answer honestly.

"You need to rest. Try to sleep more, alright?" – She says, letting me to drink a little more before helping me to lie down. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I fall asleep.

.

Next time I wake up it's dark in the room. I feel slightly better, finally able to move a little in my bed without too much help. I try to sit up, but it's taking too much effort so I give up. I groan as I stretch a little, my numb limbs hurt badly. But I'm glad I can move a little, because I'm sick of being helpless. And I'm sick of being sick.

I take another look around the room and see it's empty. I panic a little. I thought Bar would stay here, she said she will. Where is she then? She promised she'll be here when I wake up. I feel tears well in my eyes, but I try to fight them back. I know if I cry – I'm just going to be more hurt. And I want to get better, right?

I start to get a headache because all the thinking, my brain isn't used to it after three days. Or maybe I just was too worried to feel the pain. I need to calm down. I'm not alone, right? I'm in a hospital, there are nurses and doctors. Except that I am alone, in a strange country, feeling like shit. I feel the tears start falling from my eyes, I can't stop them. I sob quietly in my bed, feeling sorry for myself. I am sick and tired and lonely and I don't like it. Where the hell is she?

Suddenly I feel a thumb brushing away my tears. I look up and see Tal's worried expression.

"Why are you crying, little Red?" – He asks me, but all I can do is sob uncontrollably. He helps me to sit up and cleans my face with a napkin. He brings me the water cup and this time I can hold it myself. I drink most of it in one go and only then I'm ready to talk.

"I don't know" – I lie to him, but the way he cocks his head to the side tells me he doesn't buy it. "Alright, I woke up alone and panicked. Happy?"

"She'll be back in a few. She just went home to take a shower and change clothes. She's been here with you for last three days" – He smiles sympathetically. I instantly feel stupid for panicking like that. Of course she just went home for a bit.

"Sorry" – I mumble to myself. Few seconds later I add that I'm hungry, earning a small chuckle from Tal.

"I'll go check with a nurse what they can get you" – He says, as he stands up and places ghost of the kiss on my forehead. "Be back in a minute"

I wait patiently until he comes back with a soup bowl. It smells delicious, especially as I haven't eaten for few days. I guess I am getting better, I'm finally hungry.

"Here, eat some of this soup" – He starts feeding me, because I'm too weak to hold a hot soup bowl by myself. It's how Bar catches us few minutes later when she gets into the room. She starts giggling at the image and takes her phone out to take a picture. Her laugh is contagious and soon enough me and Tal are joining her.

"Stop, please!" – I beg after a minute, feeling dizzy from the laugh and weakness. "I feel dizzy. Can you help me lay down?"

Bar's already at my side and helping me slide down the pillow. I suddenly feel very tired, but I try to keep my heavy lids up.

"Hold me?" – I ask her and she readily climbs into the bed, spooning me and wrapping her arms around me. I relax instantly and let my tired eyes close. I feel her kiss my head and whisper something, but I'm already out to hear it. I'll ask her tomorrow.

.

.

**A/N : Review, please? **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N : Sorry it's taking me more time to update these days, but I seem to get some kind of writers block from time to time and the free time isn't actually that great too. But here we go, brand new chapter. Thanks to _BlueEyedFrog_ for the BETA this time and thank you all for still reading this story. Hope it doesn't suck too much :-)**

Chapter 14

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I wake up the next day, feeling slightly better. It probably had something to do with slender hands hugging me tightly at my waist and the hot breath in my ear. I feel protected and warm. I try not to wake her by stirring too much, but I fail. My whole body hurts and I just need to change pose. I turn in her arms and find myself falling into the green of her beautiful eyes. She's smiling lazily at me, her eyes half closed.

"Good morning, beautiful" – She says, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "How do you feel?"

"Good morning, gorgeous. Still feeling like shit. I want to go home. When can we go home?" – I whine a little, feeling more like myself than I felt in days.

"I'll check in a few, can we just lay here a little?" – She says, snuggling into my chest and I let her. We fall asleep in each other arms again. Next thing I know I wake up because of the loud whispering in the room. As my brain wakes up fully, I find out that I'm alone in the bed and I groan loudly because it's cold without her in my bed. I turn my head and see Bar talking to a young doctor. I clear my throat and they both look at me.

"Good, you're awake!" – Exclaims the doctor a bit too excitedly for my liking. I make an unintelligent noise and clear my throat again. Bar is immediately on my side with a cup of water. I like her nursing me, it feels safe.

"Here, drink some" – Bar says, helping me to sit up and giving me the cup.

"Thank you" – I nod, smiling a little. She just kisses my temple and turns back to the doctor.

"When can I take her home, doctor?" – She says and I'm grateful to let her do all the talking for me. I might feel better, but I'm still very tired and can do without talking.

"Well…I'd like to keep Emily here for another 24 hours and do some more tests. But the fever is gone and if all the tests are fine, you can go home tomorrow morning"

" But!" – She says, looking directly at me. "You'll have to stay in bed for the rest of the week, no working and no partying. Okay?"

I nod eagerly and regret it instantly, as I get a massive headache and dizziness. I groan again, it seems to be my favorite sound these days. Bar is instantly at my side and helps me to lie down.

"I'll send a nurse to take your blood test in a few, alright?" – She already turns to leave and doesn't wait for our answers. I don't like her. Nobody walks away from me, not these days. I'm too tired to do something about it now, but we'll have words later or I'm not Katie Fitch's twin!

"Are you okay, honey?" – Bar eyes me with worry in her eyes. I mouth a 'yes' and force a smile. She doesn't buy it, but decides not to push and just kisses my forehead. Her lips are so soft, they manage to calm me down in an instant. And then the real tiredness hits. I close my eyes just to let them rest a little. I feel her sliding into the bed and wrapping protective hands around me. I let go then and fall asleep again.

.

Most of the next 24 hours were spent sleeping and letting doctors take me to the tests in between naps. I don't even know what most of the tests are, but I let them do anything just so they'll let me go home. I'm sick of this hospital, even though everyone's being very nice to me. I just want out of the white walls and strange smells. And the ever present noise. I was so sick earlier that I didn't even hear the noise. But there's a never ending hospital noise – the machines, the screaming, the whispering. It drives me crazy and the only thing that makes it bearable is Bar. She's constantly at my side, leaving only to go to a bathroom or talk to a doctor. She's optimistic, but I can see she's worried. I wish she wasn't. I wish I hadn't gotten sick. I just want to be fine again, the shitty work place is waiting for me. Yeah, I even miss that restaurant. I'm desperate, okay?

"…right?" – I hear Bar say and look at me expectantly. Did I zone out or something? I got stuck in my head again, haven't I?

"Sorry, what?" – I ask, blushing slightly. Bar doesn't show any signs of offence and just keeps talking.

"The doctor said we can go home in the morning. I thought you better stay at my place for the rest of the week, so I can take care of you. I've taken my week vacation earlier to take care of you" – She looks me directly in the eyes and I can see the hopeful expression on her face.

"Yeah, I guess…" – I'm a little uncertain, because I don't know if I'm ready to live with her just yet, even if it's only for a week.

"You can't be alone and the girls are always at work. You'll be safe and spoiled at my place" – She winks at me and the only thing I can do is nod my agreement and smile back.

"Good. Now, do you want to take a shower?" – She says and I stare at her. I don't think I can take a shower alone. "I'll be there with you, or do you want a nurse to help you?"

Oh no. I can get into the shower, naked, with Bar…naked. And of course it has to be on the day when I feel so shitty.

"Can I take a shower at your place tomorrow?" – I say, begging with my voice and eyes for her to say yes. God, I'm pathetic. I only ask that because I hope I'd feel much better tomorrow and would enjoy our first shower together. Get a grip, Emily! You only need to get cleaned, not fucked. Although, I'd prefer the second option. God help me, I'm hopeless.

"Alright, but you're taking a bath first thing in the morning" – She winks again and slides in the bed beside me. "Now, would you like to get some rest? I could use some sleep"

I chuckle a little at that, because really…I'm the sick one here, yeah? She wraps a protective arm around my waist and I snuggle in her side.

"By the way, I've talked to Katie" – She says when I start to drift off.

"What?" – My eyes open wide and I sit up a little too fast. I wince from the sudden pain and get dragged back down to the bed. I close my eyes again hoping the pain will go away.

"Shhhhh, calm down" – She soothes me, kissing my temple. "She called when you were very sick and I spoke to her. I think I managed to calm her a bit, but she sounded very angry. Is she usually like that?"

"Oh yes, that's Katie Fitch for you. She's very protective of me" – I smile against my better judgment, just because I love my sister so much. Once her protectiveness used to annoy the hell out of me, but now I know where she's coming from. I'm a bit over-protective myself…sometimes. She's my twin, alright?

"Yes, I thought she'd kill me through the phone if she could. I can't wait to meet her" – She chuckles a little, when I elbow her in the ribs playfully.

"I hope you will" – I say, yawning widely. "Now, can we sleep a little? I'm a little sick here"

"Yes, we can" – She kisses my forehead and lets me snuggle in her side again. She does that a lot, the kissing. I'm not complaining, yeah? It's just strange…nobody's ever been so affectionate with me. I don't see Bar as a total stranger, but I can't even tell what our relationship is right now. Is she my girlfriend? Does she even want to be my girlfriend? What if she's just a nice person and feels like she has to help me get through the sickness, and then she'll just dump me? Ok, she can't actually dump me because we're nothing official. But we are something, right? I got attached too fast. Again.

"I hear you thinking. Go to sleep" – She grumbles down at me, her voice tired. I let her squeeze me tighter to her and finally stop thinking. I'll think about it tomorrow.  
>.<p>

Next morning is frantic. Bar is running the errands for my discharge home and I am waiting in the room, already dressed, but still in bed, for her to finish and Tal come to get us. I've slept surprisingly well at night with Bar's arms around me. I feel much better this morning, although slightly disgusting. I haven't had a shower for four days and I've been sweating a lot. First thing I'm going to do when I get home is a long warm bath. Home…I mean Bar's home. I'm still frightened a bit to go back to hers, but I got my head around the idea a little. It probably won't be so bad, falling asleep with her in my arms every night. On the other hand, her parents and, most importantly, her sister, are all going to be there as well. What if they hate me? I already know Dana dislikes me a lot, but what if her parents hate me too?

"Stop thinking, you're stressing me out" – Bar winks at me when she gets into the room. I stick my tongue out at her and pout a little. "Get up and hop into the chair"

Only now I see the wheelchair she brought with her. I pout at it even more.

"I'm not an invalid. I can walk by myself" – With that I'm trying to stand up, but find out my legs are very weak, probably because of being unused for four days.

"Yeah, I can see that. C'mon, I'll help you" – She gets to me and helps me stand up. She takes me by an elbow and guides me to the wheelchair. I feel like an invalid and believe me, it's not a nice feeling. But I'm weak and can't really struggle, so I obey everything she says.

"Little Red!" – I hear a familiar loud voice calling for me. I look up from my chair and see him beaming happily at me. "Ready to go?"

"Yes, please, let's get out of this fucking place!" – I exclaim excitedly, I really can't wait to get out of this place. Any place is better than hospital, alright?

"The car is waiting. We've been missing you, little Red" – He says affectionately and once again I'm stuck by how soft his words are. He has really become like the big brother I never had and I've been missing him too.

"I've missed you too, Tal" – I take his hand while Bar's wheeling me towards the exit. He squeezes it tightly and doesn't let go until we're near the car.

Outside the life's bustling. The sun's shining, blinding me instantly. I squint at the sun, grunting from the pain. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to ask what's wrong. She smiles at me and hands me my sun glasses. Could this girl be more perfect? I grin at her and nod my thanks.

Tal helps me to get in the car and I'm happy to finally start driving towards home. I've only been up for few hours, but I'm already really tired and would like to take a nap. But not before I take that warm bath I've been craving for since yesterday. I just hope Bar's still up to helping me with the bath. What? A girl can hope.

.

Half an hour later we're pulling the car outside Bar's home. She was holding my hand for the whole journey and I was just staring at her fondly. He deep red hair is glowing in the afternoon sun, making her look like a princess from a fairy tale. When she looks at me, her smile gets shiny, like it's reserved only for me. It makes me feel special. She makes me feel special.

"Here we are" – Tal exclaims when the car stops. He doesn't switch the engine off, waiting for us to get out. "Do you want me to bring something for you from your room, Emily?"

"Yes, please. Could you get my iPod and some of my clothes? Anna could help you with that" – I'd love to wear some of my clothes instead of the hospital ones I wore for last few days.

"Will do. I'll get back in couple of hours, alright?" – He says before driving away in a hurry.

"Come on now, let's get you in that bath you need so much" – Bar smirks at me.

She helps me to get to the bathroom, holding onto me tightly. She runs the water and helps me get my clothes off. I feel a little self-conscious to be naked around her when I'm so unhealthy, but she just looks at me with the softest eyes she ever had. She's not here to perv on me, she's there to help me get better. She wants to take care of me, not to take advantage. I smile at her and let her help me get in the bath. The feeling that washes over me when I finally settle into the bath is incredible. My body is enveloped by warm water and I really don't want to get out. Not that I need to get out right away, I know I'm weak, but I want to have the luxury of 10-minutes lying in the bath.

"Are you going to be okay alone for few minutes?" – Bar asks me, searching my face for any sign of hesitation. I nod my head, smiling at her and waving my hand dismissively. Her laugh is genuine and she turns to walk out of the room. "You're getting better, alright"

She leaves me alone then and I just lie there, soaking in the warm water. I enjoy the feeling of freedom that only water can give you. I stay still for couple of minutes, but eventually I remember that I'm supposed to get cleaned. I wash my hair and myself the best I can considering I'm still very weak. But the feeling is amazing and I let myself soak a little more. Bar gets in the bathroom few minutes later with fresh towels and helps me rinsing. I've already got over being self-conscious because I know she's only trying to help. She wraps me in a giant towel and leads me to her room. My legs are cooperating even worse after the relaxing bath and she practically carries me to the bed.

"Are you feeling better?" – She asks me as soon as I'm tucked in the bed.

"I don't know. I feel cleaner" – I shrug, because I honestly don't know. One thing I do know is that I'm very tired.

"Here, take these" – She gives me two pills and a water cup. I stare at the pills and then at her. "These are antibiotics and painkillers. The doctor said you have to take antibiotics for ten more days"

I nod slightly and take the pills, washing them down with some water. My eye lids are heavy and I know I'm not far away from falling into easy slumber. I close my eyes and feel her hand on my forehead. Few seconds later I'm fast asleep, letting tiredness take over me.

.

I wake up some time later to find it's already dark outside. I'm alone in the bed, alone in the room. I hear faint voices outside the door. I stretch a little to turn on the little lamp on the bedside table. My head feels much lighter, probably the effect of the pills I took earlier. I feel like I should call for Bar, I am in her bed after all, but I dismiss the idea. I have one important thing to do. I take my phone from the table and dial the familiar number. It takes time for her to pick up, but when she does, I have to hold the phone far from my ear, because the number and volume of the swear words she sends my way are too much for me to take.

"Nice to hear you, Katie" – I smile at the phone, because I know she only means well. I know she's worried as hell, she always is this loud when she cares.

"Emily, do you have any idea how worried I was? Are you alright? What's wrong with you? And who's the bitch I spoke to earlier?" – She is still very loud, but she sounds less anxious.

"I'm better, Katie. I've got a bad virus, got back from the hospital today. Now I have to be in bed until the end of the week and have to take antibiotics. But I'm better, I feel better and I don't hallucinate. Finally." – I joke a little, because I need this conversation to be light. Katie doesn't take a hint, though.

"What did you hallucinate about?" – She asks, curiosity slipping into her voice.

"Naomi" – I whisper, suddenly self-conscious.

"Shit" – Is the only thing Katie says and I have to agree with her. My healing isn't going as fast as I hoped and I tell her so.

"I'm trying to forget her, but it's not that easy. She keeps invading my dreams" – I say sadly, because there really isn't anything I can do. The only thing I can do is wait, because time is a healer. Or so I heard.

"You'll be fine. You're strong, Emily. Don't forget it" – She says and I instantly feel warmer. We still have our twin bond and Katie's always with me, even if she's thousands of miles away.

"I miss you" – I blurt out and feel tears start welling in my eyes.

"I miss you too, bitch. Get better, alright? You really got me worried" – She says, hint of tears in her voice.

"I will. I'm half-way there" – I say, wiping a single tear that rolls down my cheek.

"Now, pull yourself together and tell me about that bitch. What's her name again? Pub?" – She says and I chuckle, because I have no idea if she's joking or not.

"It's Bar and she's not a bitch. She's my…something" – I trail off, I really don't know what we are. I need to talk with Bar about it. I need to know. "She's been taking care of me, I'm actually at her home now because she didn't want to leave me alone"

"Right…" – Katie sounds amused. "So she's your something."

"Yes, Katie. Something. We've kissed, we've seen each other naked, but we didn't have sex because we chose not to" – I snap at her. I don't mean to, but I'm getting tired again and have a problem controlling my emotions. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap"

"I know. You sound tired" – She says, worry's back in her voice.

"I hate this. I just woke up less than an hour ago and I'm already tired" – I whine a little, because Katie's one, if not the only person who will understand me no matter what.

"I know" – She repeats. "I wish I could be there, I really miss you"

"I know; me too" – I echo, that's what we do. We're totally tuned into each other these days. Katie was there for me when I broke up with Naomi and she was a big help with my decision to go so far away to start healing. She actually pushed me to do it and I'm incredibly grateful to her now. Doesn't mean I miss her any less than she misses me, right?

"So, this Bar girl…is she cute?" – Katie asks me, curiosity eating her.

"She's gorgeous. Like, really beautiful. And she's a soldier!" – I tell her excitedly. "I never thought military girls could be "it" for me, but Bar is totally hot and makes my knees go weak…"

"You've totally developed a crush on her, you know that, right?" – Katie's giggling into the phone.

"Maybe a little. But she really is amazing" – I say seriously. Katie catches on my tone and her laugher dies down.

"I hope she's not about to hurt you like the blonde lezza bitch" – She says, warning in her voice.

"She won't. I'm not going to let it happen, Katie" – I promise, smiling a little.

In this moment the door to the room opens and my beautiful redhead gets inside with a tray of food. She catches that I'm talking on the phone and motions that she'll wait outside. I shake my head and pat the bed beside me. She sits down and I go back to the call.

"How are you doing, Katie?" – I use the name intentionally to let Bar know I'm talking with my sister.

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm thinking of going to Uni, actually" – She says proudly and my jaw hits the floor.

"Who are you and what did you do to my Katie?" – I joke and hear her giggle again.

"Really? Why do you think I'm incapable of going to Uni?" – She says, still giggling a little.

"I have no idea. You always thought the idea of yourself in Uni was ridiculous" – I giggle with her and Bar grips my hand, smiling at me. I smile back at her and squeeze her hand.

"Well, I've grown up a little and think it's actually a good idea" – She says, a hint of pride evident in her voice.

"Yeah, it's a good idea. So do you know what do you want to study yet?" – I ask, watching Bar curiously. She looks incredibly uncomfortable listening to my conversation with Katie. I squeeze her hand again, reassuring her it's fine.

"I haven't decided yet. But when I do, you'll be the first to know" – She promises and I can picture her nodding eagerly.

"Yeah. Good luck with that" – I tell her, hoping that everything goes well for my sister. "Hey, Katie?"

"Yeah?" – She's uncertain, like she's scared I'll tell her something bad.

"Bar says hi" – I say, giggling again as I hear her sigh with relief. Bar looks at me with amused smile.

"Yeah, yeah, say one back from me" – Katie sounds annoyed, but I know she's just feigning it. I kiss Bar's hand.

"I have to go now, Katie. Have those stupid pills to take and rest" – I grumble, because I really hate to be sick.

"Alright. Call me in a few days?" – She asks hopefully.

"Of course. Love you, Kay" – I say, already feeling sad.

"Love you, Ems" – She answers and hangs up.

I put the phone back on the table and look at Bar. She looks absolutely gorgeous with the amused smile that reaches her eyes.

"That went well" – She observes and keeps staring me in the eyes.

"Yeah…I miss her, she's my closest person, you know?" – I tell her and kiss her hand again. She nods and picks up the tray she brought.

"I'm going to warm it up again. You take your pills in the meantime" – She orders and gets up. I do as I'm told and wait for her to come back. I'm actually hungry, it's a good sign I'm getting better. Two minutes later Bar is back with the same tray, but she got one more bowl on it.

"I'm hungry too and I don't want to leave you alone this evening" – She says, giving me a bowl with a delicious smelling soup.

We eat in silence. It's comfortable and I don't feel a need to fill it up with talking. I glance at Bar from time to time, catching her staring at me from behind her bowl. We just keep eating until I can't eat any more and give her the almost empty bowl.

"Wow, that was great. I feel like I didn't eat for four days" –I joke, complimenting the food at the same time. "Did you make it?"

"Oh no, I suck at cooking. My mum made it. You're going to meet her tomorrow" – She grins devilishly and winks at me. I look at her in horror. I'm not good with parents and knowing her sister, I'm not sure I want to meet the rest of the family. But I don't really have a choice if I'm staying at this place, do I?

"Alright. Tell her the soup was great" – I say quietly, thinking about the upcoming meeting with the family. Am I ready for it? Are we ready as a couple? Are we a couple? My head starts to hurt from over-thinking.

"Stop stressing about it, my mum will love you" – Bar says, kissing my forehead. "Now, do you want to do something or are we ready to sleep? I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely exhausted"

"What time is it?" – I ask, suspecting it's actually quite late already.

"It's ten already. Tal brought your clothes and iPod, so you can change, if you want. Although, I don't mind you being naked under the sheets" – She winks at me playfully and I don't think I have a choice. Of course we're going to sleep naked while I'm too sick to do anything with all this nakedness. Oh, well…

"Naked is fine. But don't take advantage of a sick girl or there will be consequences!" – I warn her as playfully and grin broadly. She looks adorable as a matching grin breaks on her face.

She turns the lights off, strips off her clothes and gets in bed beside me. She wraps herself around me and the warmth of her body calms me instantly. I don't even have any sexy feelings, because this is a protective hug and it warms me from inside. I sigh contently and pull her closer to me. I feel myself start to slip into an easy slumber as she kisses the back of my head.

"Good night, beautiful" – She whispers into my ear.

"Good night, sweetie" – I whisper to the night.

Tomorrow will be a new day.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

.

Waking up in the morning has never been my favorite thing to do. The warm feeling of the blissful dreams is really one of the best things in the world. Especially if those dreams are about certain gorgeous redhead, who's arms are holding me tightly while I start to wake up. I'm still in a haze of dreams when I feel her humming contentedly in my hair. Yeah, she's still spooning me and she's still naked. I open my eyes and smile. I know she's awake because she's drawing lazy patterns on my bare stomach. I turn in her arms and kiss her sloppily. She smiles into the kiss. I let out a small moan and break the kiss. Now that I'm almost fully awake I feel the headache creeping into my brain. Bar catches the change in me immediately and looks at me worriedly. I snuggle into her shoulder and close my eyes again. Maybe it'll go away this way?

"Good morning, beautiful. Are you hurt?" – She asks, pulling away slightly. I nod, opening my eyes.

"Yes, but the headache is starting" – I answer, scrunching my face.

"It's time for your pills anyway. Wait here" – She jumps out of the bed and I have to admire her naked form. I groan a little when she pulls some shorts and a t-shirt on, shedding the great view of her naked boobs from my sore eyes. She winks at me and runs away to the kitchen.

I decide that it's finally time to try and get up. I sit on the bed and look around me. Her room is big enough for a small family to fit in. Big cozy bed, a study table, some sitting bags around. It looks like a room where all her school friends used to meet up. I get my legs off the bed and feel the warm floor. I'm looking around some more and see my bag in the corner near the door. I stand up, but have to sit down a second later. I guess I stood up too fast, because now I'm a little dizzy. So I sit there alone, naked, until the dizziness stops. That's how Bar finds me and the worry is immediately back on her face.

"What are you doing?" – She asks me, rushing to my side.

"Nothing, I just thought I'll get dressed while you're out" – I say and kick myself for how it sounds.

"Why didn't you wait for my help?" – She asks, visibly hurt from my statement.

"I need to start to do things by myself or I won' ever get better" – I defend myself, although I have no idea why.

"Yes, I know that. But you could fall and break something, you're still very weak" – She says, her voice softer and less hurt now. "I'll bring you the bag and you'll dress alone. I'll only help if you need it, alright?"

I nod my agreement and wait for her to bring me the bag. She does so, but only after she kisses me softly. I choose a black loose t-shirt and a black skirt. I pull on some underwear and notice Bar watching me intently. Strangely, I don't feel self-conscious as I dress and only let her help me with the shirt. It feels like I've run couple of miles, but otherwise the internal feeling is great. Finally I can do things myself.

"Can we go outside for a little? I want some air" – I ask her, making my best puppy face.

"Of course. We can eat breakfast outside" – She says, grinning at me.

"Great. I'm actually kind of hungry" – I grin back, because I just can't help myself when she has the most adorable grin in the world.

We get through the house, I'm using her hand for support. I'm less weak than yesterday, but I'm still very weak. Bar sits me on the bench outside and gets back inside to fetch some breakfast. I take a look around. It's very pretty in this part of the Kibbutz. Bar's house is right in the bottom of the mountain, which is a bit above other houses. I'm sitting on the small bench, looking at the amazing view of the whole Kibbutz in front of me. It's really beautiful.

"So, I brought tea, pancakes, eggs, sausages, toast…" – She bounces out of the door with a huge tray, not tripping it off by some miracle. It actually looks bigger than her and I snort, because she's as small as I am. Do I look as funny with big things as she does now?

"Stop laughing at me!" – She pouts a little as she puts the tray down, but there's a smile in her eyes which tells me she isn't really angry.

"I was just wondering if I look as funny carrying big things, you know…considering we're he same height" – I'm unable to stop a giggle and see her smiling with me.

"Probably" – She giggles with me and wraps an arm around me.

"It's beautiful" – I say, pulling her closer to me by sneaking my arm around her waist.

"Yes, it really is. I was born here and I still can't have enough of this beauty" – She says seriously and I turn my head to look at her. Her hair glows in the sun, eyes are twinkling and she has the sweetest smile grazing her lips.

"Yeah" – I agree, not taking my eyes off her. She's beautiful and her eyes show how much she loves this place. I wish I could have this kind of sparkle in me for my place of birth. Don't get me wrong, I love Bristol. But it has nothing on the beauty of this little village.

"What?" – Bar asks, catching me staring at her.

"Nothing. Just watching the beauty" – I answer cheekily, still not taking my eyes off her. She slaps my arm playfully and untangles herself from me to pour some tea.

"Here, this is chamomile tea, my favorite" – She hands me a cup with deliciously smelling tea.

I nod my appreciation while sipping on my tea. I take a piece of toast and munch on it, while Bar savors pancakes with eggs. Looks like my appetite moved to her for a while. I wish I could eat all this food right now, but I don't think I can stomach more than couple of toasts. I'm fine with it though, I already got my appetite back and that means I'm getting better.

"So, what's the plan for today?" – I ask her, chewing happily. The tea is great, by the way. It soothes my stomach and helps me handle the food in.

"Well…I don't know. We can walk a little around after the breakfast, if you want. You need to start building some strength" – She says thoughtfully, looking at me.

"Yeah, that would be nice. Show me around, I haven't seen much of this part of the Kibbutz yet" – I agree, smiling at her.

"Great. Now it's shower time for me. Do you want to take another bath?" – She asks, standing up.

"I'd like one after the walk. Have fun" – I wink at her.

"I'll be back in ten minutes" – She says and walks inside with a tray.

So I sit there, waiting for her to come back, thinking to myself. It's a nice morning. The sun is shining, but it's not too hot yet. The tea calmed my body enough to be able to take a small walk. Bar is right, I need to start building my strength. That means working out, eating healthy and sleeping a lot. I'd prefer bed work out to just walking, but I guess it's the only thing from my list I can't do just yet. It's a pity. My body is betraying me again. So unfair, I tell you. I close my eyes and let the sun warm me. It feels nice, just relaxing outside. It should be very silent, but there are so many sounds around - the birds are chirping, the leaves of the nearby trees are rustling. It's amazing what you can hear when you close your eyes.

"Ready to go?" – I hear Bar's voice, but I'm too relaxed to open my eyes. I know I should, but I'm too lazy to move.

"Few more minutes, please" – I mumble, still not opening my eyes. I hear her laugh and sit beside me, wrapping her hands around my shoulders.

"Alright, few more minutes" – She says, kissing the side of my head.

We just sit there, enjoying the silence and each other. I open my eyes in few minutes and find her watching me intently.

"What's wrong?" – I ask her, yawning slightly.

"Oh, nothing" – She smiles at me. "You're just too adorable"

"I am not adorable, thank you very much!" – I pretend to be insulted by her words, but can't keep the smile off my face for too long.

"Yes you are" – She smirks at me, knowing too well I'm feigning it. "Now, let's go. We have couple of places to see"

She stands up and gives me her hand, which I take gratefully. She doesn't let go of my hand, holding it the whole time. We walked for five minutes before we came to a stop near some old building.

"This used to be my kindergarten" – She tells me. "They moved the kindergarten to another place now. It used to be so different back in my childhood days"

"How come?" – I ask, curious to hear more about her life.

"Well, they don't do it now. But when I was little, the kids were taken from their parents and put in kindergarten when they were three months old" – She says, looking at the old building nostalgically.

"Three months?" – I gasp, unable to believe someone would do this.

"Yes. It's how it used to be back then and nobody really questioned it. Kids used to live together here from three months old and until first grade. After that they moved to live in school" – She explains, looking at me. "Most of the kids saw their parents only on Saturdays"

"Wow" – I'm stunned by this new information. "So did you live all your life outside your house?"

"No, they've stopped it when I was six" – She says and I nod. I know my mother isn't saint, but I don't know if I could live without my parents around. It sounds so cruel, but Bar seems very nostalgic about the whole thing.

"Didn't you miss your parents?" – I blurt out before I think.

"Not really. We didn't know our parents back then, if you know what I mean. They were just people who we got to see once in a while" – She says, sadness evident in her eyes. "We're best friends now, though. It took few years, but we really are good now"

"Good" – I say, kissing the back of her hand and studying her face. The sadness is gone, replaced by a cute smile.

"This is also the place I've met my first girlfriend. We were five" – She giggles at the memory and I giggle with her. I have an image in my head, adorable little Bar with a girlfriend.

"Sounds fun" – I giggle more and she slaps my arm playfully. Suddenly she turns serious again.

"It was fun. She's dead now" – My jaw drops to the floor and I'm out of words. There's a long pause, when she looks as lost as I feel. I don't know what to say and I don't want to push her to tell me.

"She was killed four years ago in a terrorist attack" – She tells me and I can see her eyes well up with tears.

"I'm so sorry, honey" – I wrap my arms around her and pull her in a tight hug. She doesn't cry though, just clings to me a little too tight. I don't care, I want to be there for her, even if it can hurt a little. She needs me and I'm going to be there for her for as long as she needs.

We sit there for another few minutes in silence, just hugging each other. The silence isn't awkward, but it isn't comfortable either. I feel her pain, but I can't really do anything about it.

"I'm fine, I'm fine" – She sits up suddenly, regaining her calm exterior. I'm surprised, but I don't question it. I put my head on her shoulder and sigh. She'll talk to me when she's ready, I know she will.

"Are you ready to go? We need to move you a bit more" – She says, her voice is more steady. I nod my agreement and she helps me to get up.

We walk some more, I'm clutching her hand the whole time. She tells me more stories about her childhood, but I can feel she's a bit distant. Again, I don't question her. I get tired pretty quick and we turn around to go to her house. The walk back is a little longer, so by the time we're there I'm ready to pass out. She sits me on the same bench and leaves me to go prepare me a bath.

This is one brave girl, I have to say. The more I find about her life, the more proud I am. She got so much shit in her life, but still stays very strong and tender. My life's shit suddenly feels so stupid, so small in large scheme of things.

"The bath is ready" – I hear Bar's voice and look up to see her radiant smile. She looks like an angel in the sun, her hair shining and smile blinding me.

I stand up with her help and let her lead me to the bath. I let her undress me and help me get inside the bath. She turns around to leave me alone again, but I'm not ready to let her go.

"Get in" – I demand, smirking at her playfully. I see hesitance in her eyes, but after couple of moments of contemplating the idea she shrugs and starts to undress. My eyes take over her body hungrily, but I know I'm still too weak to do anything but stare. I don't really care, stare it is then. She knows I'm staring, because I see her lips corners move upwards in a little adorable smile. She doesn't turn around or hide herself though, so I feel free to continue my perving session. It takes her few moments to take off her clothes, but after she's done she gets into the bath and settles between my legs, leaning back into me. We lay there in silence, our legs tangled together and my right hand drawing lazy circles on her tanned stomach.

It's a peaceful silence and I feel myself start drifting away into unconsciousness. The sudden loud bang on the bathroom door makes me jump a little and splash water all over the floor. Bar stands up, wraps a big towel around her body and walks to open the door. I can't see who it is, but I hear an angry voice shouting at Bar. The voice sounds familiar and I can only guess it's Dana. They're arguing in Hebrew and there's no way for me to understand what it's all about. So I just lay there silently, waiting for Bar to rescue me. The door slams after couple minutes of intense arguing and Bar is back at my side. She doesn't get in the bathtub again, looking pretty shaken.

"Was it Dana?" – I ask, trying to understand what's going on. "Does she want me out of your house?"

"Yes, it was Dana. And she can want whatever she wants, it's my house too and mum agreed for you to be here!" – She almost spits out, visibly shaking.

"Hey, hey" – I take her hand, soothing her by squeezing it. "I can go to my place, I'll be alright"

"No! NO! You're not going anywhere!" – She cries out. "I want to take care of you and I will. She can go fuck herself"

"Alright, if you're sure" – I say quietly, suddenly afraid of her fury.

"Of course I am sure" – She says softly, sensing my discomfort. "Don't let it worry you, just get better, alright?"

I nod my agreement and pull her down to me so I can kiss those deliciously soft lips of hers. She responds immediately and relaxes into the kiss. It's kind of sweet kiss, but with promises. It makes me light headed and I smile.

"Would you care to help me out now? I think I need a nap" – I say breathlessly, pulling out of the kiss.

"Yes, of course!" – She's already fussing around me and it makes my smile grow bigger. "Would you like some food first?"

"Yeah, I think I'd like to eat some of that soup we had yesterday" – I say as she's pulling me out of the bath and wraps another big fluffy towel around my body.

She walks me to the bed and I slip under the covers, taking off the towel. I catch her staring at my ass for couple of seconds before she shakes her head as if to get those thoughts out of her head. And I have no doubt what those thoughts are, because I have them also all the time. My body might be weak, but the mind is really working well. Damn you, brain, for not letting me forget my filthy thoughts even when I'm sick. Oh well.

She gets out of the room while I'm musing about how my brain is functioning. It takes her few minutes to get back with a tray containing couple of soup bowls and some toast. The smell is amazing and I dive in as soon as I get my bowl in my hands. Bar watches me with amusement before tucking in her bowl.

"God, this is so good!" – I exclaim, my mouth full of toast.

"Yes, my mum is a good cook. I am not so good" – She chuckles. "I remember some embarrassing dishes I made"

"I bet you're still better than my mum" – I chuckle with her.

"That bad?" – She smirks at me and I can only nod.

"I have a healthy appreciation to food because my mother's cooking used to drive us all to McDonalds at least couple of times a week" – I smile at the old memory.

"Good thing we have enough food to feed a small army. Or Emily Fitch would be hungry" – She teases me and I slap her on the arm playfully.

"Finished?" – She's flashing me a happy grin and I pass her the empty bowl. "I'm just going to take this to the kitchen and we'll get some sleep"

"We? You don't have to stay here…I'm sure you have more interesting things to do" – I protest, but she's having none of it.

"I want to stay with you. Now, get comfortable and I'll be here in a second" – She blows me a kiss and takes the tray away.

As soon as my head hits the pillow, I feel the exhaustion I didn't know I had. I'm already half-asleep when Bar returns and snuggles into my back.

"Sleep well, sweetie" – She whispers in my ear and I let sleep take over my tired body.

.

I wake up to the darkness yet again and find myself alone in bed. I feel slightly better, so I attempt to get up once again and this time I succeed to do it all by myself. I rummage around in my bag and pull some clothes over my body. My head is pounding and I'm in desperate need to use the loo. I get out of the room, walking as fast as I can, not really in a mood to see any of Bar's family on my way. No such luck. Just as I get out, I get sneered at by the one and only Dana, Bar's homophobic sister.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" – She yells at me and I almost fall down as my headache takes on entirely another level of hurt. I suddenly feel dizzy and am very grateful for whoever it is that catches me in their arms. It's not Bar, because she is as short just like me and this person is tall.

"Dana, stop!" – I hear male voice shut her up immediately. She seems to shrink from the authority in the voice and if I could laugh, I'd definitely do just that. I mumble a weak "thanks" to whoever my savior is.

"Are you alright?" – The person asks, voice full of concern. I wonder how he can be so concerned if he doesn't even know me. Or does he? I turn around slightly and see a tall man with Bar's eyes and same ginger hair.

"I'm Amos, Bar's father" – He answers my unasked question.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Emily" – I feel a blush creep onto my face, because this is Bar's father and he still holds me really tight.

"Bar's out to the shop, let me help you sit down" – He smiles at me the same warm smile I usually get from Bar. So she's definitely daddy's girl, I muse to myself.

He sits me down on the couch in what I think is living room and goes to bring me some water.

"Why are you up? Bar said you're not supposed to walk alone yet" – He says, concern back in his eyes. God, Bar really has his eyes. So expressive, so beautifully green.

"I woke up and thought I'd leave a bed for a bit. I'm kind of sick of being in bed all the time" – I say sincerely, feeling I can trust this man.

"Alright, you can lounge here I guess. I'll talk to Dana" – He says and wanders out of the living room. I hear some screaming and five minutes after Amos is back. "She won't bother you again. And if she does, you tell me and I'll talk to her again"

"Thank you. You really don't have to do this" – I say, feeling embarrassed. I don't want this family to fall apart because of who I am.

"She needs to get some sense in that stubborn head of hers anyway" – He winks at me and turns the TV on. "Now, do you want to keep me a company in watching this football game while Bar's out?"

I nod and smile at him. I can do with some entertainment and football game sounds fine. The situation reminds me so much of our sports evening with my dad, when we both had so much fun together. We didn't have a lot of those evenings lately and that's something I really regret. I miss my dad, he always accepted me for who I am and loved me unconditionally. I decide that I have to call him one day, just to catch on all those weeks he was out of my life.

I turn my attention to the game and soon enough am so engrossed in the game that I don't hear the front door open and Bar get inside with couple of large food bags.

"What are you doing out of bed?" – She startles me and I jump a little.

"God, you scared me!" – I exclaim, holding a hand to my heart and catching Amos chuckling at the pair of us.

"I see you've met the sports freak of the family" – She winks at her dad, who's chuckling even more at this.

"Hey, apparently your friend here loves sports too" – He says proudly and I smile at him. I'm not a big fan of sports, but if I get to watch it – I can be as bad as all those boys, maybe even worse. Especially if it's with someone as comfortable as my dad.

"Well, I do love to watch some sports once in a while, true. My dad has a gym and he was always a sports lover and fitness freak. So we had to watch a game every Saturday night, until my sister decided she was too old to do things with the family. I still watched games with my dad every other Saturday, though" – I tell them both, feeling Bar moving to sit beside me and wrapping her hand around my own.

"Sounds like fun" – Bar says and I smile at her dreamily, remembering all those Saturday nights that were the only times when Dad let us curse like sailors and Mum didn't really have a say in it.

"Yeah, it was fun" – I squeeze her hand to show her I'm fine when I catch her worried eyes.

"So are you ready to watch the game with us, Bar?" – Amos asks her and she shakes her head violently, making me burst out laughing like a crazy person.

"Oh no, don't make me. I'll better go help mother with the dinner" – She makes an excuse, even though we all know she's not a good cook and her mum won't need any help. "Have fun, you two"

She stands up and kisses my hand, looking me directly in the eyes. She then kisses the top of her dad's head, ruffling his hair after that and walking to the kitchen. I take a look at her dad and he really looks like a little boy with this Bar-like pout he's wearing right now. I giggle again and move my eyes back to the screen just in time to see the amazing goal. Both of us jump off the couch and scream on top of our lungs, causing Bar and her mum run from the kitchen with worried faces.

"What? Are you crazy?" – Bar's mum yells at the two of us, but we just grin like loons and gives each other high-fives.

"Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you" – Amos answers her, still grinning at her. I appreciate that they speak English when I'm around, so I can understand what's going on. I just nod my agreement with his words.

Suddenly I feel very dizzy and fall down on the couch. I guess I shouldn't jump up this fast next time. But I just didn't think, acting on instinct. Bar is instantly by my side and checking on me, but I already feel better as I sit and I tell her just that.

"I'll bring your medicine" – She says and almost runs to her room to retrieve my pills. I could use some pain killers, actually.

"Are you alright? I'm Miriam, Bar's mother" – Her mum extends her hand to me, concern evident in her eyes.

"Yes, I'm fine. Nice to meet you" – I shake her hand and smile at her warmly. This family is so nice, except of the one person who decides to get into the living room in that same moment.

"What's all screaming about?" – She asks, obviously annoyed by our behavior. I wonder if she's always this moody, but I do remember her being very nice when I worked with her. Is she acting like this only because of me? Suddenly my bare feet are much more interesting than the scene around me.

"We're just watching a game" – Her dad say quite defensively, which is strange considering he was screaming at her. I making a note to myself to ask Bar about this later.

She starts talking in Hebrew then and I feel like intruder. Bar sits beside me again and takes my hand.

"Want to go back to the room?" – She says, sensing my discomfort.

"No, I actually would like to finish watching the game" – I really got into the game and it's some kind of entertainment I didn't have for a long time.

"Alright then, I'll go help mum" – She kisses my cheek and stands up. "Do you want to eat dinner with a family or only with me in my room?"

"Oh, you have to eat with us, Emily" – Amos says, nodding his head vigorously. "Rules of the family – dinner is family time and you can't escape it"

"Fine" – I agree, secretly hopping Dana won't be there. I know there's no chance, though. But a girl can hope, right?

"Good" – Bar says then and walks away.

We continue watching the game and it's really the most fun I've had with someone outside my Bar bubble for a long time. At the end of the game Bar calls us to the table and I sit there, feeling like an intruder one more time. Bar sits beside me, her parent at either end of the table and Bar's siblings sit opposite of us. The dinner is uneventful, mostly because they finally start speaking Hebrew to each other and I feel a little left out. But it's alright, I think to myself, as I devour another delicious dish made by Bar's mum. I feel much better after taking another set of pills and the food definitely gives my body more power to function like it supposed to.

After we finish the dinner, Bar and I walk outside again. It's a nice evening and I lean into her, sneaking a hand around her waist and putting my head on her shoulder.

"Everything's okay?" – She asks me, flicking the end of my nose.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. I'm just a little tired, that's all" – I answer, smiling in the warm night air.

"Good. Bed time soon then" – She concludes and I nod.

"Your parents are nice" – I say, really meaning it. "You're lucky"

"Yes, I really am. Why, aren't your parents nice?" – She asks and I have to chuckle at the innocent question.

"My dad is much like yours, he loves me dearly. But my mother…she's much like your sister. Sometimes I think she hates me because I'm gay" – I say, sadness creeping in my voice.

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you. She's just scared for you" – Bar says certainly.

"I know. Doesn't mean I have to suffer from her stupid behavior" – I say sadly, hugging her waist a little tighter.

"It'll be fine. I'll take care of you" – She promises and I believe her. She's been nothing but wonderful to me since we've met and it melts my heart to see her care so much. I snuggle little further into her body and smile to myself. I'm going to be just fine, I decide. For myself and for her.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N : So, the brand new chapter is finally here. I want to thank blueeyedfrog for the BETAing this one, you're the best, babes :-)**

**Also, I want to wish a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for staying with me through this story and let's continue the tradition through the next year :-) Have fun and don't forget to review :-)**

**Chapter 16**

.

"Where the hell are we going?" – I whine at Bar.

She's dragging me towards the car and I wouldn't have a problem with that if it wasn't four in the fucking morning! She kicked me out of a warm bed about half an hour ago and ordered me to dress warm. She even made me a coffee and a toast, but it didn't do anything to my growing frustration. I'm really not a morning person, especially if it's still night outside!

"We're going up" – She says cryptically and keeps dragging me to the car. I scold at her, but she just winks at me and gets into the car.

I climb into the car too and give her the biggest pout I could manage. She just laughs at me and leans in to kiss my cheek. I can feel a smile start creeping on my face, but try my best not to show it. I intensify my pout just to make her feel slightly guilty. Nope, it's not working. Damn her, she's just too cute with that big grin that somehow manages not to break her face in two.

"Put the belt on" – She tells me and starts driving. I look at her confused at the request. We don't usually put belt on while driving in the Kibbutz, only when we're going out to the town. But I oblige and do what I'm told.

The drive takes about twenty minutes and I'd fall asleep again, if we actually weren't going up. She's driving us up the mountain and I can only guess there's something important she wants to show me at this time of the morning. We drive in comfortable silence and soon enough she pulls the car to the side of the rocky road.

"C'mon, we have about ten minutes left" – She says cryptically again and almost runs to the back of the car, where she put a picnic basket. She takes it out and starts walking towards the cliff in the time it takes me to only begin to unbuckle my belt and get outside.

"Couldn't we do it later? I'm so sleepy" – I grumble until I come to the cliff and that's when I suddenly shut up. Bar already pulled out the blanket and set it down, but I can' move.

The view is too beautiful. The sun is about to start to get up and the colours are amazing. Purple and pink are piercing through the shadows and the dark fields suddenly get interesting colours. I feel Bar's hand tugging on mine to pull me down on the blanket and I oblige again, unable to take my eyes off the beauty in front of me.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" – Bar whispers as if afraid to scare the beauty out.

"Mhmmm" – Is the only thing I can say, squeezing her hand.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too when I came here first" – She chuckles a little, squeezing my hand back. "I was five, I think. My father took me here"

"He's a good man, your dad" – I say, finally able to take my eyes from the view and sneak a little glance at her.

"Yes, he is" – She nods and locks her gaze with me. I smile at her and tug on her hand to get her closer to me.

She wraps her hands around me and we sit there for a while in silence, just watching the beautiful colours in front of us. As the sun slides up the sky, the fields show their real colours and I gasp in awe. Deep green, blue, purple, red…I've never seen fields coloured this way.

"Why are the fields all different colours?" – I ask curiously.

"I have no idea" – Bar giggles at my curious face and I punch her arm playfully.

She wraps herself tighter around me because it's suddenly getting colder. The sun's almost up, but I don't want to leave this little bubble. It's beautiful and I love it here. My stomach however has another idea. It grumbles so loudly that Bar starts giggling again.

"I think someone's hungry" – She says through giggles and I punch her arm again, but can't stop myself from getting into a fit of giggles with her. "I've brought sandwiches"

"When did you have time to make sandwiches?" – I ask incredulously, as I turn to look at her.

"Well…when you tried to hug a pillow and not to let me wake you up" – She chuckles at my inevitable pout. She leans in then and kisses my pout away. Let me tell you, it really helps. Maybe I should pout more?

"Ok, woman, give me my food" – I say as my stomach grumbles even louder than before. Bar chuckles and starts to take food out of the basket. My mouth starts to salivate immediately as sandwiches, fruits and coffee thermos comes to view.

"Chicken or eggs?" – She asks, pointing to sandwiches.

"Both please" – I say, staring hungrily at sandwiches.

"Good thing I've made few then" – She chuckles again as I dive into chicken sandwich. God, such a heavenly thing shouldn't be allowed to exist! I moan with pleasure and Bar falls on the blanket clutching at her stomach. I stop chewing momentarily, looking at the mad woman beside me. I shrug a couple of seconds after I see her laughing uncontrollably and start chewing again. I don't care what she thinks about me, I'm hungry and I'm still not 100% healthy, so I think I have every excuse to eat as much as I like. I just give her a dirty look and turn around to watch the beautiful sunrise.

We sit in the silence for a while, while I'm finishing my sandwiches and Bar's just watching me with a smile. I can feel her intense gaze on the side of my face, but I use every ounce of strength I have not to look back at her. I'm glad I'm chewing because I don't think I could hide my smile otherwise. Eventually I finish both of my sandwiches and settle down with a bowl of grapes. I put my head on Bar's lap and eat my grapes happily, looking at her beautiful face.

"Thank you" – I say sincerely.

"What for?" – She says, definitely confused.

"For this great morning. And for taking care of me this week" – I say, sliding a hand around her neck and pulling her down, kissing her tenderly, trying to show her just how thankful I am. She responds instantly and opens her mouth to give me access. It's a sweet kiss, but it's full of passion I still can't act on. So after few moments of kissing I pull away, breathing heavily.

"Are you alright?" – She looks worried, as if she thinks she hurt me.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tired, I guess. I could use a nap right now" – I say, as she wraps me in a tight hug.

"Do you want to go home? It's getting hot here" – Bar says, still looking at me with worried eyes.

"Yeah, I think it might be a good idea" – I say, unable to untangle myself from her. "Five more minutes?"

"Of course" – She kisses my temple and I melt in her arms under the hot sun.

.

I wake up alone and take a look at my clock. It's just ten minutes after noon and I feel well rested. I stretch in the bed, wrestling with the sheet that's wrapped around me. It's hot in the room and I'm covered in sweat. I think that's what woke me up. After I stretched all my numb muscles I look around the room to see Bar on the floor, doing sit ups. I take few moments to appreciate her working out until she finds out I woke up. She has her back to me, so it could take more than few moments. I don't have a problem with that. I watch as her back muscles clench and unclench under the pressure she puts on her back. She's got a sports bra and a pair of girl boxers on, the outfit shows lots of pretty tanned skin that's glistening with sweat. My fingers twitch a little when I think how it would feel for me to touch that skin right now. I'm not about to interrupt the show though.

Unfortunately, just as I get comfortable in the bed to watch the display, she turns around and winks at me. Busted.

"Like what you see?" – She says cheekily as she stands up, locking her gaze with me.

"Yes, you can continue" – I say back as cheekily, letting the goofiest of grins to light up my face.

"Sorry, can't do. It's lunch time, so now I'm going to shower" – She smiles sweetly and turns around to walk out the door. She stops, however, when her hand touches the handle and turns her head to look me in the eyes. "You coming?"

I leap out of the bed as fast as I can with my legs still tangled in the sheet. She laughs at my eagerness and walks out of the door with me right on her heels.

"But no funny business in the shower, alright? I'm hungry" – She says with serious expression, but I see the twinkle in her eyes that's telling me she's only half-serious.

I nod and get into the bathroom after her. Two seconds and I'm naked, waiting for her to get the tiny outfit off her beautiful body. She laughs again and gets under the warm water, pulling me with her. First thing she does, however, is kiss the life out of me until all I can't breathe. After a minute of intense kissing she pulls back and starts showering like nothing had happened. I have to hold myself on the wall before my knees failed me. She just winks at me and I let another goofy grin get on my face. She is a bloody teaser, isn't she? It'll get back at her, she won't even see it coming.

After the annoyingly fast shower I feel much cleaner and ready to eat some lunch. We decide to take a walk to the dinner room as it's not very far and I still need to do some physical activities. I know another way to get me occupied with physical activities, but I think I need to stop my brain from thinking about those activities before it blows up. The walk is quite long and by the time we're at the dining room I'm pretty exhausted.

"Little Red!" – I hear his loud voice before I see him and smile tentatively at Bar. She smiles back and squeezes my hand. In this second we both get grabbed in a tight bear hug. We wriggle out of his death grip and giggle together. He looks from Bar to me and back, and pulls me in a hug again.

"Put me down, Tal" – I giggle at his overbearing. "I'm still not one hundred percent well, so be gentle"

His eyes widen and he hastily puts me down, patting me awkwardly on the head. I start to hurt from all the giggling, but can't seem to stop. Bar puts a calming hand on my shoulder and I calm down immediately.

"Where are the girls, Tal?" – I ask him, curious to why I haven't seen them yet.

"They're inside. Let's go, the food's calling" – He winks at me and leads us inside.

"Emileeeeeeeeeeeeeeh" – I see Anna running to me in adorably dirty clothes. I wonder how she manages to make them sexy even like that. But she does and it makes me gulp slightly. God, I hope Bar didn't see it.

"She is sexy, isn't she?" – I hear her whisper in my ear, her breath hot on my skin. Yeah, so much for not hearing things I don't want her to hear. I gulp again and nod. "Look, but don't touch, yeah?"

I nod again and squeeze her hand before being wrapped in another bear hug, a very smelly hug. I hug her back because I've missed this loud creature.

"You're back!" – She squeals directly into my ear and I have to close my eyes while sharp pain takes over my head. She probably senses my discomfort because the next second she lets me go and looks very sheepish. "I'm sorry"

"It's fine. But you might want to be a little less loud" – I say, smiling reassuringly at her to show her I'm fine.

"I will!" – She promises still a little too loud for my liking and takes my hand, leading me to the table.

Kristin hugs me tightly and pulls me down beside her.

"How do you feel, little one?" – She asks me, worry in her voice.

"I'm much better, thank you" – I answer, smiling warmly at her and looking at Bar. She's already chatting animatedly with Tal.

"She's good for you" – Kristin comments, looking from me to Bar and back. "Don't lose her because you're not ready"

"I'm going to try" – I answer sincerely and accept the food Anna brings me.

After lunch we all sit in the garden near the dining room, just having some quality time together. It's Thursday and most of the guys have already finished their daily jobs, so they have nowhere to rush to. Bar's head is in my lap and I'm feeling amazingly happy, even though a little tired. All my new friends are around me and I sigh contentedly.

"Are you alright?" – Bar gets her head off my lap and sits up, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Yes, I am" – I assure her, seeing the worry in her eyes. "Just a little tired, I guess"

"Want to go home?" – She asks, worry still evident in her eyes.

"No, no, I want to stay here for a while. I missed them all" – I say and see her eyes calm.

"Alright. Another half hour and then you're going home for a nap" – She says, winking at me and settling back on my lap.

All kinds of naughty scenarios run through my head in that instant. I'm sure my face shows it, because suddenly I find Tal's eyes watching my face with a very filthy grin almost splitting his face in two. I narrow my eyes at him, but he's not budging. I decide to look somewhere else and catch a glimpse of Bar's stomach where her shirt rode up. I inhale sharply and feel a huge blush creeping up my neck to my cheeks and ears. My gaze falls to the tips of my shoes and I think it's the safest thing I could watch right now. I hear Tal chuckling, but I don't look up, because I know I'll just blush more if I catch his eyes.

The problem is, though, that looking at my shoes I somehow manage to see more of Bar's beautiful skin. I decide not to fight it and graze tips of my fingers over the skin of her stomach. I feel her muscles twitching under my fingers, but she continues talking to the guys. I know she desperately tries not to show any emotion, but she fails miserably. Her breath catches a few times and she squeezes her hand over the grass she's playing with. I smile victoriously at myself. I love to see the effect my touch causes on her. My smile widens a couple of minutes when she jumps up and grabs my hand, pulling me up with her.

"Emily needs to rest, guys. We'll see you in few hours, okay?" – She says in a hurry and starts to tug on my hand, pulling me after her. I say bye to our friends through a fit of giggles and stroll after her.

It didn't take up long to get to her house and inside her room, where I suddenly find myself being pushed against the door with Bar's lips kissing me hungrily. I can only respond eagerly. I guess I drove her to the limit, because her hands start roaming all over my body. She has never been this restless with me.

"Bar…wait…please…" – I try to say between her frantic kisses and she stops abruptly.

"I'm sorry…I'M SO SORRY!" – Her hand flies to her lips and touches them, but her gaze holds fear in it. A fear of me running away from her.

"It's okay…it's okay…" - I pull her to me, hugging her tightly and kissing her forehead.

I take her hand and lead her to the bed, getting under the sheets and pulling her in with me.

"Hold me, please?" – I ask her and she wraps her arms around me, spooning me and kissing my neck.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away" – She explains and I nod.

"It's alright, honey. But I think I'm still not ready. I promise, soon" – I assure her and feel her kiss my neck again.

I know she understands. I'm sure she knows how much I want her. But I just can't yet. I hope she's not going to give up on me. I fall asleep wrapped in my thoughts and her arms.

.

I wake couple of hours later and feel rested enough. Bar's hands are still around me, but I know she's not sleeping. Her breath is quite fast and her fingers play with a hem of my shirt.

"Hi" – I croak out, my throat is dry.

"Hi you. Feeling better?" – She says, squeezing me tightly.

"Yes, I actually do." – I turn around in her arms to take a look at her. She's gorgeous even with her bed hair and slightly sleepy eyes. "What are the plans for the evening?"

"We're going for an evening picnic at the same place, but with all the guys this time. Are you up to it?" – She asks me, searching my eyes for the answer.

"Yeah, alright. I'm sick of sitting in this house and I actually miss the guys" – I agree and start to get up, only to be stopped by the strong hand of my beauty.

"We have time, let's stay here for a while" – She says and I nod.

We stay like this in a silence for some time, before it gets interrupted by a loud bang on the door.

Bar gets up to open the door and Tal bursts inside.

"You're still in bed? Let's go! Everybody's waiting outside!" – He gathers me off the bed and throws me over his shoulder. Again. He then does the same with Bar and throws her over his other shoulder. I wonder, how long would he be able to walk with both of us on his shoulders, but he beats my expectations by putting us both down near his car. He carried us all the way to it. We can't seem to be able to stop giggling when he pushes us into the back of the car, right in the arms of giggling Kristin. Giggling Anna is sitting in the front seat.

"So, ladies. Are we ready for the fun?" – Tal grins at us while starting the car.

Twenty minutes later we're almost at the same place Bar took me this morning, but on the other side of the mountain and we all pull out of the car to make this picnic happen. Tal takes out the brazier and starts to build the fire. I just sit down on the huge blanket the girls got out and look at the upcoming sunset. The sun is still pretty high, but it will only take about twenty minutes for it to set. Everyone around me tries to do things fast – Anna and Kristin take out the meat and start preparing it for the fire, while Bar starts chopping the vegetables for the salad. Nobody asks me to help and I'm glad I can just sit there by myself, watching the beauty in front of me. The colors are different from the morning. Purple and red rays are trying to escape the few little clouds that adorn the blue sky, making it glow. I feel cold hands snake inside my t-shirt and around my waist. I lean back into her, feeling her hot breath on my skin.

"It's beautiful" – I say, putting my hands on hers.

"You are beautiful" – She says, kissing me behind the ear.

"Thank you" – I say, squeezing her hands. "For everything"

"It's my pleasure to take care of you, honey" – She says, snuggling into my neck.

"Bar, get your cute little ass here, I need help!" – I hear Tal shouting for her and she giggles into my ear.

"I guess I better go help him before he burns all the food" – She says, kissing my neck and standing up.

She runs away and I turn my gaze back to the beautiful sunset. The sun is almost down, but the evening is just starting. I stand up and walk over to them, feeling overwhelmed as I see my friends all giggling together and looking very happy. My heart swells as I see Tal running after Bar, catching her and tickling her. I'm happy to be a part of this little family. And I'm happy they're ready to take me in with all my problems and insecurities. I watch them play and know I'm going to be just fine, when the right time comes.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N : I'm really sorry it took so long for me to update, but life had kind of stuck in the middle. But I'm finally here and I think this waiting will be rewarded in this chapter. It was written for a special person who owns my heart :-) Also, thanks a lot to lazyboo for BETA for me again :-) Hope you all enjoy this.**

**Chapter 17**

.

"Emily, could you get here, please?" – I hear Bar's mother call me from the kitchen.

It's Saturday morning and we woke up only couple of hours ago. Bar decided to go out for a run, because tomorrow she's going back to the army and she didn't get any exercise with me around. And I stayed back in her room, waiting anxiously for her to get back. Her parents, however, had other ideas.

Earlier I've been called out by Amos, who'd decided to take me on a trip around the Kibbutz in his tractor. Yes, that bloody big thing that makes your head spin more than two bottles of vodka. I was gripping the handle tightly the whole way, probably looking really stupid to the people we passed. I didn't care, because it really was a scary experience. I stayed on the tractor when he hopped off to talk to someone on the streets. Every fucking time. I gripped the handle tighter when he started the engine again. Needless to say, I was knackered when we finally got back to the house an hour later. I said my thanks and excused myself to the shower. I felt not only knackered, but very filthy from the whole ride.

So, after the shower I retreated into Bar's room, but unfortunately, I only had twenty minutes to rest before Miriam called me to the kitchen. I feel kind of obliged to go, because they all have been so nice to me.

"Good morning, Miriam" – I say, as I enter the kitchen.

"Good morning, honey. How was your little trip with Amos? I told him he should leave you alone, but he wouldn't listen" – She turns to smile at me.

"It was fine, thank you. Even if a little bit scary" – I chuckle a little at her worried face.

"Oh yes, this man drives like a monkey" – She starts to chuckle with me before turning serious again. "How do you feel, though?"

"I'm getting there. I'll be fine in no time" – I answer, my own chuckle dies away.

"Goody then. Would you help me with the lunch, please? Bar will come back soon and I have nothing ready yet. The girl can turn to a little monster when she's hungry" – She smirks at me and I have to chuckle again at that.

"Yes, of course I'll help you" – I nod. "What do you want me to do?"

"Please, chop those vegetables" – She shows me how she wants them done and I settle on the table to do the job.

We work together pretty well in comfortable silence that gets broken only when Miriam has something to say about the upcoming lunch. Another half an hour passes and I hear the door shut.

"Hello, my two favorite women" – I hear Bar say from the doorway to the kitchen and raise my eyes to smile at her. She looks all sweaty and tired, but to me she looks the most beautiful I've ever seen her.

"And here comes the monster" – I say and wink at her, watching her blush slightly.

"Is lunch ready yet?" – She asks, clearly amused by my comment.

"In about twenty minutes. Go take your shower now, you smell" – Her mother answers for me and shoos her out of the kitchen. Last thing I see is Bar licking her lips while she draws her eyes all over my body. I didn't mention I was wearing the tightest top and smallest shorts I've got, right? Well, this is kind of effect I was going for. Glad to see, that even sick me still got it. I smirk to myself at the thought.

"Emily, maybe you should take the shower too" – I hear Miriam chuckle and blush furiously. Caught again. Bloody hell, Emily, keep your emotions in check!

"I…well…you know…" – I mumble incoherently.

"You're sweet. Go, now" – She cuts me off and shoos me out of the kitchen too.

Can I really say no to that demand? I hear Bar rummaging through the drawers in her room and go inside.

"Your mother just sent me away to go shower with you" – I say, looking her in the eyes when she turns to see who entered her room.

"Oh, god…I'm sorry about her. She might get a little overexcited about us being together" – She turns her gaze back to the drawers. "Are you coming, then?"

I smirk at her and shake my head.

"I just had a shower. But I'll wait for you here" – I say and grin, when she pouts adorably.

"I'll be fast" – She says as she saunters out of the room.

She was fast indeed. Only seven minutes passed and she's back in the room only in a towel. I wonder briefly if I've seen her taking some clothes with her and come to the conclusion that she didn't. Meaning, she really is naked under this towel and all I want to do now is tear it off and kiss every inch of her body. I restrain myself though, because we have a lunch to attend and I don't want Bar's parents to burst in on us being slightly…intimate.

I get lost in my head and find myself fidgeting, watching my hands. Thinking way too much again, Emily. When I raise my eyes back, I see her standing very close to me absolutely naked.

"Like what you see?" – She says, smirking at me.

All I can do is lick my lips and run my eyes hungrily over her delicious body. I nod and lick my lips again, my eyes glued to her perfect tits. Those tits are going to be the death of me, I'm telling you. They're so round and the perfect size. My hand shoots up on its own accord and cups her right tit. So beautiful. And it fits perfectly in my hand. I'm looking at the other one mesmerized by the slight movement when she takes a deep breath. She takes one last step towards me and straddles my lap. I briefly note to myself that she's completely naked and feels amazing, before her luscious lips are suddenly on my own and I close my eyes at the tingling sensation I'm feeling. It's like my body just woke up from the longest coma. I feel her everywhere and I want to feel more. Her hands slip into my hair and her tongue slides around my bottom lip asking for entrance. I gladly accept it and we let our tongues to do the sexiest dance of all. Did I mention it's very hot in Israel? Well, it just got ten times hotter.

We pull out of the kiss momentarily when our lungs demand more oxygen than the kiss can provide. I look up into her eyes and see they have became deep green, bordering on black. I smile when I see them searching mine worriedly.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself" – She says and it's all I need to pull her closer to me and kiss her more desperately this time. Maybe, just maybe, I've waited enough?

My hands slide to her gorgeous ass and cup it, pulling her impossibly closer. That's when I hear Bar's mum calling for us for a lunch.

"Fuck" – I exclaim rather shakily, making Bar chuckle a little and kiss my nose. I pout sadly, but push her reluctantly from me so she could get dressed.

"We'll continue this later" – She promises, as she puts clothes on her gorgeous body, which makes me pout even more. She kisses me again, slowly this time, promising we're not done here yet. I feel the excitement flood into my knickers and stand up, nodding way too eagerly. She chuckles again and takes my hand to lead me back to the kitchen.

"I promise" – She says and I smile, because it's the only thing I can do right now.

.

After lunch I decided I need to take a really deserved nap. I felt tired and it made my muscles hurt so much. I left the family in the lounge and went to the room, taking my clothes off and sliding into the bed. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows. My dreams were filled with green eyes and soft touches, and I woke up couple of hours later feeling not rested enough. Also, I had this annoying buzz between my legs that needed taking care of. Oh well, life is hard.

I get up few minutes later and discover I'm not alone. I'm being watched very intently by Bar from the table. She has her glasses on (wait, since when does she wear glasses?) and looks like she was reading a book before I woke up. I wonder how long has she been sitting here. I stand in the middle of the room, completely naked, and feel my body flush under the intensity of her stare.

"Well, well, well…" – She says and suddenly I understand the meaning of the phrase "eye-fucking", because that's exactly what she's been doing.

I blush and turn my gaze to the ground. Next thing I know my chin is being lifted by her fingers and I look directly in her eyes. She's got the same gleam in them she had before and I feel sexy under her gaze. Her gaze holds so many emotions. I wonder if her eyes were always this expressive or only became like this recently. I can't take my eyes away from hers, breathing her in. She's so close and I'm so naked, I feel the goose bumps start to appear on my skin. I gulp when I feel the tips of her fingers grazing my sides towards my back. She slides her hands around my waist and pulls me closer to her. I take a second to take her glasses off and my breath hitches. Yes, her hands just moved to my ass. My naked ass, I have to remind myself. Her hands on my very naked ass. Before my legs give up, she pushes me back to the bed until my knees hit it and I sit with her straddling me again.

"So, what are you up to?" – She says, smirking down at me.

I stare at her in amused eyes until she closes the gap and kisses me like her life depends on it. I kiss her back as hungry and fight with her clothes blindly, trying to take them off without breaking the kiss. Finally I win and almost rip her clothes off, leaving her only in her knickers. Oh my fucking GOD! Her boobs! Her boobs connecting with mine! My body is tingling in anticipation, the feeling is so amazing. I almost forgot how it is to feel so wanted and special. This girl makes me feel special. I thread my hands in her hair and pull her close into me. She pushes me on my back and wraps herself around me, so I stop thinking and decide it's time to start feeling. Soon enough I forget about everything in the mix of emotions and things she makes me feel. And I have to tell you, it's an awful lot of things. I tell myself to relax and just feel. She doesn't waste any time and in no time I feel myself heading directly towards the edge.

"Look at me…Emily…look at me" – I hear her voice and open my eyes to see her staring directly into my soul. I flush all over again from the want I see in her eyes. I watch her lowering her head between my thighs, her eyes are not leaving mine.

"Fuck…oh god…" – I exclaim, my head's falling back on the pillow and my eyes shut.

.

I wake up some time later, feeling absolutely relaxed. My legs and arms are tangled with hers and I'm pretty sure there's a big grin splitting my face in two. Strangely, I feel happy and quite satisfied. I try not to move as I watch her beautiful form, but after a minute of watching she stirs and starts to wake up. Her eyes open and she smiles at me. She looks as relaxed as I feel and this realization makes me grin even wider.

"Hi" – She croaks and giggles slightly, blush creeping on her pretty face.

"Hi" – I giggle back, because I just can do nothing else.

"That was…intense…" – She muses, sobering slightly.

Her expression becomes serious as she leans in to kiss me. It's a sweet lazy kiss and I love every second of it.

"How do you feel?" – Bar asks me worriedly after pulling away from the kiss.

"Amazing" – I smile at her. "Thank you"

"What for?" – She asks, smiling cheekily.

"You know what for" – I blush furiously, hiding my face in her chest.

She starts to laugh at my antics and kisses my head. I smile into her chest, squeezing her waist. Suddenly there's a loud knock on the door.

"Bar, Emily, the dinner is in fifteen minutes" – I hear Miriam say and hide myself under the blanket, in case she decides to come in.

"We're coming in few minutes" – Bar calls out and giggles when I tickle her slightly before kissing her bare chest.

"We should get up" – I say, kissing her neck and sliding my body on top of her.

"We really should" – She says, placing her hands on my ass and squeezing it.

"I'd say we must" – I kiss her lightly on the cheek and push myself off her.

"So unfair" – She says and I turn to see her pout playfully.

The pout is replaced in couple of moments by open mouth and unmistakable glint in her eyes. Of course, I'm still naked and I know how to use my body to get her drooling. That's exactly what I do, walking slowly to my bag and start rummaging through it, deliberately showing her the best parts of my body. I can almost hear her gulp and smile to myself. Finally, I find the shorts and a loose t-shirt and put them on, turning to look at her. She still sits on the bed with glassy eyes, her gaze dreamily glued to my tits.

"My eyes are up here" – I say and she draws her gaze up slowly. She's still got the same glint in her eyes and I blush a little from the bluntness of it.

"I know" – She says, looking me directly in the eyes. I break the staring contest we seem to have and move to the door. "Get dressed, I'm going to help your mother"

She pouts again, but gets up as I walk out of the door. I go to a bathroom to freshen up a little and then head to the kitchen. I find Bar's mother sitting at the table with a cup of tea, reading some women's paper. She looks relaxed and I smile at her when she gazes at me.

"So you finally emerged from the room. Where's my daughter then?" – She asks with a glint in her eyes that looks suspiciously close to the glint Bar had few minutes earlier. I try not to dwell on this thought and shrug noncommittally.

"She'll be here soon, I suppose" – I answer her question without really answering it.

I am a little embarrassed about where and why we disappeared earlier. Bar's mother is definitely not a person I want to discuss my sex life with. Even if this sex life is about to end tomorrow for next couple of weeks. This thought makes my face fall slightly. I know I'm going to miss Bar. Especially after what happened this afternoon. I guess I lose myself in my head again, because in couple of seconds I jump, feeling hands sneaking around my waist. I relax a moment later, smelling the unmistakable scent of my girl.

"So, what's for dinner?" – She asks her mother, her lips are dangerously close to my ear. I can feel her hot breath and it doesn't exactly stop the spreading pool inside my knickers.

"Pizza" – Miriam answers, not taking her eyes from the paper.

"And why can't I smell it?" – Bar says, sounding rather confused.

"Because your father went to the town to get it" – Miriam is still not looking at us, but I can see a little smile tugging in the corner of her mouth.

Bar lets go of me and walks towards her mother. She pulls the paper out of her hands and sneers at Miriam.

"It's Saturday night and you didn't make dinner? What's going on?" – Bar asks, still sounding very confused.

"Can't I have a day off once in a while?" – Miriam smiles at her daughter and I can see Bar relaxing.

"Of course you can, mum" – She kisses her mother's cheek and starts babbling in Hebrew. I can see it's nothing serious, so I just leave them to it and go outside to have my evening fag. I almost stopped smoking after my illness, but I still have my morning and evening cigarette. It lets me time to be with myself and think without interruptions.

I sit there, taking long drags of my fag and thinking about what have happened between Bar and I earlier. It's a pretty big step for me and I didn't think I'd be near ready for it after such a short time. But Bar makes me surprise myself all the time. And I surprised myself again today by feeling so ready. And I know I have been too. We've been waiting for a long time with our lust practically driving us crazy. But it had to happen when we're both ready. Today was the day. It was magical and sexy, gentle and lustful. I smile to myself, knowing full well that tonight I'm going to make my own memories with Bar's body. My smile turns a little sad, because I'm going to miss her. Now even more. But we have to be strong.

"Emily? Are you alright?" – I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the only man of the house. Amos is watching me closely, trying to decide why I'm upset.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just sad because I have to go back to my place tomorrow and I'll miss you all" – I say, smiling slightly at the man I've come to love as my own father in the last week.

"You know you're always welcomed here. Even if Bar's not home" – He smiles genuinely back and waves his hand at me. "Come on, there's pizza and ice cream for dinner, let's eat before it gets cold"

I chuckle a little and take a last drag of my fag before getting up to follow him. Bar and Miriam are still sitting in the kitchen, reading the paper together. Amos drops the pizzas on the table and puts the ice cream in the fridge.

"Let's eat. The game is in fifteen minutes. I've brought chips and other stuff too" – He says, sitting down and taking a slice.

"Who's playing?" – I ask, chewing happily on my pepperoni pizza slice. I love pepperoni. Can almost finish the whole pizza myself. Almost.

"You might like it, actually. It's English League, Manchester United versus Liverpool" – He says, chewing happily on his pizza.

"Oh, really? Who are you rooting for?" – I ask him, hoping secretly his answer won't be United.

"Liverpool, of course. I hope you're not United fan?" – He says with worried expression and I can see him relaxing when I shake my head.

"No way" – I say, taking another slice. "Isn't it time for the game yet?"

"Yeah, let's go. These two will bring us ice-cream and popcorn later" – He winks at me while dancing away from the shove his daughter sends his way. I giggle and blow her a kiss, following Amos to the lounge.

Next two hours are spent on the couch shouting at the TV and throwing popcorn at it. I think we've used too many swear words in any language we know. I've learned quite a few expletives in Hebrew and made sure to use them too. Bar starts to laugh every time I started to get angry at the TV, but I don't really care. I have fun and it feels like family.

Twenty minutes into the game we get interrupted by Dana. She throws me a furious look, but hands me a paper.

"There was some girl with a little boy in Gan Guru today and they asked to give you this" – She says with a disgusted grimace and leaves us to it.

I open the note and read it.

_Dear Emily!_

_Amit and I wanted to invite you next Saturday for a Sabbath dinner at our place. Our parents said they want to meet you and Amit would be really ecstatic if you could come. _

_Please call me before Saturday and tell me if you can come. Waiting for your call._

_Amit and Sarah._

I look at Bar and see she's very confused. I feel a huge grin make its way on my face. Bar looks even more confused. I give her the note and go back to watching the game. I dare a glance in her direction few moments later and see confusion is gone and replaced by a cute smile. This widens my grin impossibly more and I feel happy.

After the game ends we all decide to call it a night. Tomorrow is a new day and the end of our little holiday. Bar has to go back to army for two weeks and I'm going back to work. I don't know yet what work it is, but I hope it's something quite easy, because I'm still getting tired pretty fast. As a matter of fact, I really am tired now. So I decide just to go for a fast shower and then straight to bed. However, the idea of sleep is thrown out of the window the moment I enter Bar's room.

She's lying on the bed on her stomach, naked as the day she was born. I slowly draw my gaze over her delicious body. She stirs a little and the movement makes her legs open a little more, showing me just a tiny bit of her beauty. My breath hitches and I find myself frozen at the door, unable to take my eyes off her and make my legs move towards her. I feel like insecure teenage girl again, even though I know it's stupid. We've already had sex today, for fuck's sake. Get a grip, Emily!

While I'm having an inner debate with myself, Bar moves a little more and now she's looking directly at me. Her eyes are black green, lust shading them shamelessly. I can't take my eyes from hers. But I'm still not able to move. She stands up then and walks towards me. She pins me to the door and doesn't think twice before kissing me forcefully. Her tongue darts out and I give it access to my own. I feel a pool forming in my knickers again, this time from the intensity of this all and I finally wake up from my frozen state. My hands rake over her body, teasing her flesh, unable to get enough. Suddenly I find myself almost naked, left only in my knickers. We still kiss frantically as I flip us over, so she's the one pinned to the door. I attack her neck with my teeth, marking her, but soothing with my lips. I don't waste time and lift her leg around my waist, giving me much more access. I keep kissing her neck while I plunge two strong fingers inside her waiting folds. She moans loudly and I kiss her to stop her from crying out. I build up a steady rhythm and watch her every reaction. It doesn't take long for her to start panting and chanting my name. It spurs me on and I attack her neck again, speeding up the movement of my hand. It seems to work nicely, because I have to kiss her again to shut her up. I don't want her whole family to burst in, thinking I'm killing her. She becomes louder and I can feel her getting very close to the edge.

"Look at me" – I whisper into her ear and take my lips off her neck to look at her. We lock gazes and I can see she finds it hard to keep her eyes open. But she struggles and in few moments I can feel her start clenching around me. I almost come undone myself at the lustful helpless look she has on her face when she trips over the edge. She grips at me tightly, trying not to fall, but she doesn't take her eyes off me, letting me ride this orgasm with her. I watch her until her breathing becomes more regular and then kiss her. It's a slow kiss and I try to show her all emotions I feel through it. When we're out of breath, I just hold her there. I hug her tightly, knowing full well I won't get to hug her for next two weeks. It saddens me, but I push these thoughts aside. Somehow we make our way to the bed and almost immediately I feel myself drifting to the dream land. I wrap myself tightly around her and let myself fall asleep. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming when I hear the words I'm still not ready for fumbling out of her mouth. I don't have strength to think about it right now, I'll do it tomorrow. I'm snuggling into her back and finally fall asleep. Tomorrow will be a new hard day, but I feel happy enough to go through it. I feel strong thanks to this little bundle of joy sleeping soundly in my arms. I am going to miss her.

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**Review, please?**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N : I'm really really sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. I had some personal stuff going on and didn't feel like writing at all. But I'm better now, thanks to my friends (you know who you are). I hope next chapter will be posted sooner and I really hope you like this one. I'm not happy with it, but my brain is a bit rusty after everything, so please forgive me if it's bad. **

**Last, but not the least, I want to thank_ Trufreak82_ for betaing this chapter. Thank you, hun :-)**

**Now, for the chapter. **

**Chapter 18.**

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I wake up feeling very cozy, but a little disoriented. I am warm, maybe a little bit too warm for this morning. It takes me a few minutes to understand where I am and why am I feeling so happy. I'm snuggled tightly into the delightful body of my gorgeous lady. Naked body, I have to mention. Very naked and very hot body. I can't help but trail my lips on any part of her I can reach without waking her up. I pepper her face, neck, and shoulders with ghostly kisses until I feel her stir a little. She doesn't open her eyes while she wraps her arms around me more tightly. She doesn't open them when I start to stroke her stomach, each stroke goes lower and lower. She does open them when I get dangerously close to my prize. Her hand catches my wrist and she turns her head to look at me. Her eyes are fuelled with lust, I almost can't see the green in them. But she shakes her head and moves my hand to her mouth to kiss it softly. I look at her back in disbelief, feeling a little hurt. But she kisses the pout away from my face with one of those kisses that tell me exactly how she feels about me. I'm confused, but I don't have long to wait before she explains herself.

"I'm sorry. We have to get up, baby. I have to catch the bus soon" – She says and kisses me again.

I hum my agreement into the kiss and push away from her to get up. She doesn't let me go and holds on me for dear life. We kiss like this for another ten minutes before I attempt getting up again and this time she lets me with a heavy sigh.

"I'm going to miss you so much" – She tells me while I'm trying to find my clothes somewhere around her room.

I turn around and just stare at her for a few seconds before I stroll over to the bed again and kiss her deeply. She wraps her arms around me and this time doesn't push me away when I move forward.

.

Half an hour later we're both showered and dressed and head to the kitchen to have some breakfast. I feel pretty sad that I have to let go of Bar for next two weeks, but I guess that's just how it's supposed to be. I also have a new job to start in an hour and it makes me pretty giddy. It's a gardening job and I get to do it with Kristin. As much as I had fun spending almost all my time with Bar, I still miss my friends so much. They've been there for me when I needed them and I still need my little "family" here.

We finish our cereal in silence, probably both feeling the real sadness sweeping over us. I know that as soon as we finish the breakfast, we'll have to leave for her bus. I keep my head down, because I feel her sending me these longing looks that I know I couldn't live with right now. I have to look at her eventually and that's when I see tears streaming silently from her eyes. I leap to action and less than second later I'm brushing her tears away with my thumbs and kiss her eyes softly. I pull her into my arms and hug her tightly, feeling my own tears well up in my eyes. I blink them away, because I want to stay strong for her. She takes few deep breaths, probably to stop her own tears, and wraps her arms around my waist. We hug like this for a while, but eventually we have to pull away. I kiss her one last time, pouring all my emotions into the most sensual kiss we've had lately. We don't talk after it, we don't need to. Her eyes tell me everything and I'm pretty sure mine are quite expressive today. We gather our things and start walking to the bus station. I take her hand in mine and don't let go until she has to get on the bus. I'm reluctant to let go even then, but she kisses me again and tells me she'll text me as soon as she's at her base. I nod and let go. And when the bus starts driving away, I break down. I let my tears flow freely from my eyes while I walk back to my room. I get there in no time and just stay outside for a while to calm myself down. I already miss her.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Have you been crying?" – I hear Kristin's worried voice and see her kneeling in front of me.

I just sniff and nod, because I feel my voice is too rusty to work. She moves closer and wraps her arms around me in an awkward hug. I smile into her shoulder and sniff one last time before pulling away.

"I'm…going to…clean up…a little" – My voice is squeaky as I'm trying to get the words out.

"You do that. We have half an hour before work time, I'll just wait here" – She smiles at me and sits down on the chair I had been occupying earlier.

I walk into the room. It feels like I'm a stranger after not being here for the last couple of weeks. It's so weird, but at the same time it was very natural to live with Bar. I think I wouldn't care where I live, as long as it's with someone who makes me happy. And that's what Bar does to me, I feel much happier with her around. This means I feel quite down right now. I shake my head, trying to get rid of sad thoughts. I clean my face and decide to apply a little make up. I change into comfortable work clothes and instantly feel better as I think about gardening. This is one of my favorite things ever, it lifts my mood and gives me some thinking time.

I get out and see Kristin still sitting in the same pose as I left her. She looks up at me and smiles again.

"Feeling any better?" – She says and pats the chair next to her for me to sit down.

"Yeah. Sorry I've been a bit of a mess, I just sent Bar to the army for 2 weeks" – I say, feeling sad again.

"Oh, no. Sorry to hear that, sweetie. But it'll pass fast, I'm sure of that" – She smiles at me again and her smile is so contagious, that I can't help but nod and smile back.

"I hope it will. I miss her already and she only left about half an hour ago. I got so used to living with her" – I say and smirk at the memories of last night.

"Oh…" – Is all Kristin manages to say. – "I didn't realize…"

"Yeah, last night. And this morning. It was amazing" – I say with a goofy smile and instantly blush as the images from this morning flood my brain.

Kristin chuckles at my reaction and I can't help but chuckle with her. The tension is broken and we sit in silence for a while after we calm down from our laughter. We have to go to work soon, but we're enjoying our few minutes of silence together before the madness kicks in. Alright, as mad as gardening work can get.

All too soon we have to get up and make our way to the place. As we get close, I see two huge greenhouses and a silly grin lights my face. I've missed gardening so much. I used to work in my parents' garden any free time I could get. I think I re-decorated it more than Katie did with our room. And she did it quite often. There were times I would go to our room only to find it had been completely redone in leopard print, or any other silly thing Katie had loved at the moment.

These greenhouses are really something I've never seen before. I can't see the end of them from my path, but I assume they're pretty long. I wonder briefly what they grow there, but I don't have time to ponder on this thought, because soon enough we're at the entrance and I'm struck by the warmth coming from inside. I guess I never thought about it before, but now I know I'm going to suffer here, at least a little. But I think it's going to be worth it, because hell, it's GARDENING, baby.

"Emily. EMILY!" – Oops, I think I got a bit lost in my hopeful thoughts. I see Kristin looking at me impatiently.

"Yes?" – I answer, smiling sweetly at her.

"Get out of that head of yours. We've got some important work to do" – She says seriously, but I see the twinkle in her eyes, which tells me she really isn't angry.

.

Apparently, the "important" work Kristin was talking about turns out to be moving flowers from one pot to another. Flowers grow pretty fast and they have to be moved to bigger pots once in a while. That's what I've been doing all morning. Take one pot, get the flower out, put in a bigger pot, fertilize. Take another flower and do the same. Over and over again. By lunch time I was feeling restless, bored and too hot to think. Needless to say, I wasn't in a good mood.

"Ready to go to lunch?" – Kristin beams at me and I scoff at her.

She doesn't seem to notice my mood and starts walking towards the entrance. I follow her, hanging my head down and feeling quite shit. She doesn't deserve my attitude; it's not her fault I'm in the bad mood. I catch up with her.

"I'm sorry" – I say, throwing my arms around her from behind.

She stops in her tracks and pats my hands which are clutching at her shirt.

"It's alright, little one" – She says and turns around to hug me properly. "I know it's hard"

This is the moment when my stomach decides to tell everyone it wants food. It grumbles so loud making me blush furiously.

"I guess the monster needs to be fed?" – Kristin chuckles and lets go of me.

I feel a deeper blush creep up my neck through my ears towards my cheeks. Kristin is full on laughing by this time, so I take off fast ahead of her, making her almost run after me. By the time I slow down, she catches up with me, but she's slightly out of her breath. Who's laughing now, eh?

When we finally get to the dining room, my stomach grumbles non-stop and I'm grateful there are not too many people yet. I don't even spot Tal and the others on the table until I have a full tray of food and stand to find a place to sit. I see him wave for me and I smile gratefully. He's sitting on the long table with few guys I didn't see before. I sit at the table and immediately tuck into my food. I hear a low chuckle and look at Tal, who's laughing at my eating antics. Again. Isn't he tired of it yet? I chew fast, but it doesn't prevent me to cuff him on the nape.

"Oi! What's with the aggression?" – He rubs his nape with a pouty expression, but his eyes are still smiling.

"Don't you ever laugh at a girl eating" – I say through a mouthful of food.

"Emily, didn't your mother teach you to chew first before talking?" – Kristin finally gets to the table. What took her so long? I've almost finished my food already. Or is it just me eating too fast? Whatever. Who cares, right?

"My mother's food wasn't worth talking through it" – I say, smiling a toothy smile with food still in my mouth, just to annoy them.

"Why, aren't you a charmer" – Kristin says, making the table to start chuckling all together.

"Thank you" – I take a sitting bow and get back to eating my food.

The rest of the lunch is uneventful as the guys are all talking in Hebrew and Kristin is being silent again. I don't have time to talk as I polish off my plate, but when I'm done, I can't really move.

"I think I ate too much" – I whine, rubbing my tummy. "I've got a tummy ache now"

"Poor baby" – Tal smirks at me and makes a petting gesture with his hand over my head.

I slap his hand away and get up to take my tray to the cleaning room. Nobody follows me when I'm done with the tray and heading outside to have a smoke. My low mood is back again when I'm left alone, but I'm glad to be alone right now. I'm thinking about this morning again and the look Bar had in her eyes when she looked at me; it was precious. It made me feel so special and it made me forget for a while. Forget that I am broken, forget that I am hurt. Bar makes me feel so special and beautiful. It's a feeling I didn't have for so long and I didn't even know I missed it so much. But I know how much I miss her.

I light up a fag and take few slow drags until I can feel someone standing behind me. I turn my head slightly to the left and see Tal standing there with an unlit cigarette and a smirk on his lips.

"What is that weird twitch on your lips?" – I ask him, smirking back and turning my gaze back to the tree I was looking at before.

He bumps our shoulders together and makes me look back at him.

"Are you alright?" – He asks seriously and I know he means more than at this precise moment.

"I'll be fine" – I nod and flick my lighter open.

My answer seems to satisfy him and we keep smoking in silence. It's comfortable, as it always is with Tal. I finish my fag before him and lean into him for a hug while he finishes his. He wraps his strong arm around my shoulders and for the first time since I had to let Bar go this morning I feel protected.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to the greenhouse" – He says few minutes later and I nod.

I don't want to let go just yet, so I wrap my arm around his waist and we're walking like this. I wonder briefly where Kristin went, but dismiss the thought about her, because I'll see her pretty soon. It's not a long walk and even though we're walking very slowly, a few minutes later we're already close to the greenhouse. I check the clock and see I still have another twenty minutes before I have to be at work. I pull Tal on to the nearest bench and put my head on his shoulder. He's softly rubbing my back and I finally relax.

"If you want, we could go to see her in the army on the weekend?" – He says and it takes me time to register his suggestion. But when I do, a big grin threatens to split my face in two and I look hopefully at him.

"Really?" – I know I sound too hopeful, but I really couldn't care less about how I sound right now.

"Yes, really. We'll take the car and go visit her" – He says, smiling gently at me.

I'm quite overwhelmed with feelings for this boy at the moment and I hug him tightly again. After I pull away from the hug, I kiss him softly on the cheek, mouthing a "thank you". He just nods and gets up to leave. After few steps though he turns around and looks at me.

"We're going to get drunk today. Be ready at seven" – He winks at me and walks away.

I sit there by myself for ten more minutes, but too soon I have to go back to my flower pots. I hope tomorrow I'll do some other job, because the pots thing is really truly boring.

.

The last three hours of work were even more boring than in the morning. As soon as I got to the greenhouse I was greeted by a very nice lady (and by nice I mean very annoying squeaky stupid lady), who decided it was time to teach me how to clean the place. And by that I mean me trying to clean and her yelling at me telling me I'm doing it all wrong. I know I'm not a violent person, but right now I really want to kill her. I think she's worse than Jenna Fitch, and believe me, that says a lot.

When the end of the day finally comes I'm the first person to escape this place. I sit outside on the same bench and smoke my well-deserved cigarette. I'm still fuming though. What does she think I am, her slave? I am old enough to know how to clean the bloody thing! And I did it quite a lot with my own garden, so I think I know how to do it well. I stand up and start pacing around. What's taking Kristin so long? She should've been done at the same time as I was.

"Calm down, Emily" – I jump a little because her voice startles me.

"I am alright" – I say, but she can see I am not.

"Come on, we have to get ready. We're going to a pub today to get massively drunk" – She smirks at me and wraps her arm around my shoulders.

"Alright" – I say and flick my fag off.

We walk back to my room and find out that everyone's already there. Everyone meaning Anna, Tal, Mark and the guys I'd seen at lunch. Anna is in the shower, so we sit with all others outside.

"Emily, meet Ram, David and Alex" – Tal introduces me to the guys and I stick my hand out to each.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Emily." – I say, not enjoying the ogling stares Alex sends my way.

"She's gay and taken" – Tal punches Alex's shoulder with his fist and I'm grateful for the clarification.

Alex stops ogling me, his face expression changing to respectful. I nod at him and smile, getting a weary smile back.

"The guys have been my mates since high school, they live in another Kibbutz, but come to catch up once in a while." – Tal explains to me.

"I think it's great you're still in touch, guys" – I say, forcing a smile on my face.

"We try" – Alex pats Tal on the back with obvious affection written all over his face.

"Get off me, you soppy bastard" – Tal says, shoving Alex back playfully. The other guys just laugh at their antics, but don't look surprised. They all seem at ease with each other and it makes a genuine smile appear on my face.

Few minutes pass in a cheerful chatter and I don't even mind most of it is in Hebrew. I might not understand the words, but I do understand these guys are very close. And their laugher is contagious, even though I can't understand a word. So I laugh along and feel slightly better. Just as my belly starts to hurt and tears run down my cheeks, I decide I've had enough and get up.

"I'm going to shower" – I say to the guys and they cheer up, going back to their conversation the second I open the door.

I'm glad to see Anna's done and getting dressed. I'm pretty used to seeing her half-naked by now, so my jaw doesn't drop this time when I see her in her underwear. I don't waste my time and grab some clothes to change, getting in the bathroom. I take a long shower, just basking in the feeling of the hot water on my quite tired skin. Only in the shower do I realize how exhausting this day has really been, both physically and mentally. I let water wash over me and take all my worries away. I know it's probably not going to work how I wish, but I at least want to feel less tired. Soon enough I start to feel like a prune and decide it's time to wash up. I've got myself pretty dirty and as I wash all the dirt away I start to feel better. I should ask Tal for a massage too, later today. I definitely could use a massage, yeah.

When I get out of the shower I immediately go to the sink to make myself a much needed coffee. I sit on my bed with a steaming cup and put the music on. A second later the door to the room opens wide.

"Volume up!" – I hear Anna screaming to me and I comply.

I don't want to go back outside yet and just sit there listening to whatever my iPod decides to play. I don't even care that it's playing some cheesy 80's songs. Why do I even have Pet Shop Boys on my iPod? Oh yeah…that's the folder Naomi created. My reaction to this folder actually surprises me. A couple of weeks ago I would instantly start to cry when I heard any of Naomi's songs. Right now, however, I feel nothing when I hear these songs, except the excitement I always get from the actual music. The meaning behind this folder doesn't really bother me right now and it's quite confusing. Could I be healing so fast? I wonder, less nice thoughts getting into my head. But I decide not to dwell on them and turn off the iPod.

I get outside and see Kristin vacate her chair. I assume she's going to take a shower, so I just sit in her place.

"Why are you dressed like this? We're going to a pub later" – Anna says for the first time today, looking at me with a disgusted face and a smirk.

"What's wrong with these clothes?" – I ask her, taking a look at my clothes. It is still very hot, so I decided to go with my favorite checkered green and grey skirt and a matching fitting green shirt. Alright, so I do look more and more like a Kibbutz kind of girl, but I kind of am now, right?

"Oh, nothing's wrong with them. You just look like a tramp, but otherwise it's all pretty, yeah" – She says, sarcasm dripping in her voice.

"Oh shut up." – I laugh at her, standing up. "I'll go change"

I go back to the room and change into black fitted jeans and a black shirt with a nice cleavage. I don't change my favorite shoes though. I don't care how much she sounds like Katie, she won't bully me into changing my shoes. I get out and immediately see all eyes on me.

"What?" – I say, looking at them back self-consciously. The boys whistle and start cheering and Anna just nods approvingly until her eyes land on my shoes.

"What's that? Why didn't you change those shoes?" – She scolds me, but her eyes are smiling.

"I'm not changing these." – I say with finality in my voice.

"Whatever" – She says in a fake angry voice and tries to keep a smile out of her face.

I go to her and jump on her lap, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

"Oi! Get off me, I am not a lesbian and I have a boyfriend!" – She's shrieking in the same fake voice, but it gets harder for her to keep the laughter out of it and few seconds later she's laughing along with me.

"You know, for a straight girl you're pretty touchy-feely with other girls" – I tease, keeping my hold on her.

"Yeah, well…you're special, I guess" – She says, laughing. But I know she means it, like all my friends here.

"Thank you" – I tell her and kiss her on the cheek.

Suddenly I feel my phone vibrate and I have to stand up to check it.

_*Hey there, my girl. Just got to the base and I already miss you so much. Thank you for being so perfect*_

It's a message from Bar which makes my eyes water with both joy and sadness. Joy because she's always saying so many nice things. And sadness because I really do miss her too. But I decide to be brave, for her. For us.

"So, when are we going to the pub?" – I catch Tal's gaze on me, but ignore it. I want to be strong now.

"As soon as Kristin gets ready" – Alex answers first and I nod.

I am so ready to get drunk today and celebrate last night. Bring it on, baby!

.

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**A/N : So, what do you say? Please review? They really help with motivation :-)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N** **: So here I am with a new chapter. Again, I want to thank the reviewers, you really help with motivation. And, of course, thanks to my lovely Beta _Trufreak89, _you're great, hun :-) **

**Chapter 19**

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I'm swaying. Why am I swaying? I should be sleeping right now, not swaying. Maybe I'm still drunk? I know I'm starting to wake up, because my beautiful dream just stopped at the most inappropriate moment. Such a lovely moment that was…me, Bar, naked…why the hell am I swaying?

"Emily!" – I hear a faint voice calling my name, but decide not to listen and try to go back to sleep.

I don't get to do that, because the swaying feeling I've got is now joined by rumbling. I decide to check it out and open one eye.

"Emily, wake the fuck up! We're having an earthquake!" – Kristin is standing over me with a pretty scared look on her face.

I jolt out of the bed and that's when I feel the swaying of the room. I see things moving slightly and it scares me. I run outside and see it's still night. People are all around, but not many of them look scared. How the hell didn't I feel the earthquake? By the time I'm outside the room the shaking of the earth stops and I just sit down in the middle of the yard, trying to wake my brain up.

"Are you alright?" – Anna sits beside me and wraps her arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah, just trying to understand what the fuck has just happened" – I answer honestly and lean into her for support.

"That was a little earthquake. They get them here quite a lot, because of the tectonic plates of the Dead Sea or something. I don't know much about it" – She says and I turn to look at her.

"This was my first earthquake. Like, ever" – I admit, looking down at my lap.

"Really? Well, then it's a bit of a chock for you" – Anna concludes and I look back at her only to see her smirking at me.

"What's this smirk about?" – I ask, unable not to let a little smile out.

"Oh, just that you're an earthquake VIRGIN" – She yells the last word and runs away with me following her closely.

People are staring at us, but I don't really care. I am going to get her and make her scream her apologies to me. I am in a better shape, so I get to her fast enough and push her on the ground. I straddle her to prevent her from moving and start tickling her.

"Please, stop" – She begs me, breathless from all the giggling.

"Apologize!" – I demand, giggling like a mad woman.

"Never!" – She says and tries to push me off. Not a chance, sweetie. I wouldn't be a daughter of a fitness freak if you'd succeed. I am Emily Fucking Fitch after all!

I keep tickling her until she has tears running from her eyes. Suddenly I see her stop laughing abruptly and looking at me with wide eyes. I stop the tickling and that's when I feel it. The ground starts to shake again, this time a bit harder. I get off Anna and help her sit up. Nothing much we can do now but stay at the place and feel it. It's vibrating through me and this is an amazing feeling. I would love it if I didn't know what destruction it can cause. We just sit on the ground in silence until it's over. The only thing I can really hear is the wild beating of my heart. It's loud in my ears and it scares me. I take Anna's hand and she squeezes it tightly, so I know I'm not alone in this. As brave as she might want to look, she is scared too. This is a small earthquake, but who knows when the big one will catch us? I don't have time to dwell on this thought as the shaking stops and Kristin comes to sit with us.

"So how was your first time, Emily?" – She asks me with the same smirk Anna had earlier.

"Fine. Quite a strong feeling, I have to say. Nature is so powerful!" – I say, amused with my own reaction.

"Yes, it is" – Anna agrees with me.

"What time is it?" – I ask, suddenly curious if we still have time to sleep or not.

"It's 5:23 in the morning, I guess we could go back to sleep" – Kristin says, taking a look at her watch.

"That might be a good idea" – Anna says and stands up.

We go back to our room and few minutes later I hear the girls start snoring lightly. But I can't sleep. I still feel the vibrating in my body and my heart is pumping. I don't know why I'm so excited, it's not like it was something big or very scary. But it was my first earthquake and I'm pretty shaken, apparently. I close my eyes, but all I see is the movement of the things in the room and I open my eyes. I decide to do one thing I know will make me feel better. I take my phone and go outside.

It takes six long seconds for her to answer.

"Hello?" – I hear her sleepy voice and can't help but smile at her cuteness.

"Good morning, Katie" – I say, waiting for her reaction.

"Emily?" – She asks, confusion thick in her voice. "What's wrong?"

I know she sits up in her bed, totally awake now, I hear the worry in her voice.

"Nothing is wrong, I just missed you" – I say sincerely.

"That's why you're calling at…" – There is a little pause when she's checking the time, I assume. "Four fucking AM?"

I chuckle slightly at her reaction, she's annoyed now, but I can still feel she's worried. She knows there's a reason I called and I decide to tell her.

"We just had an earthquake and I needed to hear you" – I say.

"What?" – I hear her yell and have to take my phone away from my ear for a second. "Are you alright?"

"It was a small one with a small aftershock. But it was my first one and I just needed you" – I say into the phone, lighting a cigarette.

"How was it then?" – Katie asks, curiosity taking over her.

"Well, I was sleeping, so until the girls woke me up, I didn't actually feel anything but slight swaying" – I tell her.

"Only you can stay asleep while there's an earthquake!" – She laughs and I chuckle with her.

"Yeah, I know. But then I woke up and it was a bit scary. Things moved and we ran outside and everyone was there and then there was the aftershock which I felt sitting on the ground. That was quite interesting, vibrating all through you. But now I can't go back to sleep, because I'm a bit too excited" – I say and wait for her answer. There is none.

"Katie?" – I say and get a light snore as an answer. Great. She fell asleep on me.

"Katie!" – I say louder, but only get another snore.

"Katie!" – I yell into the phone.

"What? Eh? Who is this?" – She's definitely awake now, but sounds pretty confused again.

"It's your sister. You fell asleep" – I say a bit accusingly.

"Sorry. But what do you expect at…" – There's a pause again, she's obviously checking the time again. "4:10AM?"

"I love you, Katie" – I don't have it in me to start arguing now.

"I love you too, Emily" – I hear her falling down on her pillows again.

"I'll let you go back to bed now. Thank you" – I tell her before she starts snoring again.

I close the phone and sit outside for another couple of minutes before walking back to my bed. I still have a couple of hours to catch up on sleep and I intend to use them.

.

I wake up with a start at the sound of my phone buzzing away loudly. I shuffle my hand around trying to find it, but I can't feel it with my eyes closed. I open them and look around, finally seeing it on the floor under my bed.

"Shut the fuck up" – I hiss at the object, knowing full well it won't answer me.

"Having fun there, Red?" – I hear Kristin's sleepy voice asking me and start chuckling.

"Oh yeah" – I answer sarcastically.

I get up and go straight for the shower. I'm feeling grumpy because I didn't sleep much and I still feel the effects of the earthquake on my brain. I hop in the shower hoping the hot water will help me calm down and it does. When I get out of the shower, I'm another person. I put the music on and start singing along while I make coffee for us. Kristin goes to the shower with a weird expression on her face. I ask her about it when she's out, but she just shrugs it off. I don't have time to dwell on it and hand her a coffee before I walk out of the room. She follows me and we walk together to work in silence.

The first thing I see when I get there is a big truck and some men taking bunches of fresh flowers out. I look at Kristin and see her face lit up.

"We're going to make bouquets today!" – She exclaims excitedly and walks fast to the entrance.

I follow her and put my cup down on the table near the entrance. I see her almost running around the men who look like they couldn't care less about all these flowers. I see roses, orchids, scarlets…so many beautiful flowers! I can't wait to put my hands on them. I'm pretty sure I won't make any bouquets today, but I want to be around when the magic happens.

"Emily, stop moving around and come help me!" – I hear Kristin yell from somewhere to my right and I look around to see her on the floor with what looks like thousands of roses.

"Wow" – I'm astounded by so much beauty. And I don't mean Kristin this time. Although, she looks very pretty in the bunch of roses in all imaginable colours.

"I know, right?" – Kristin grins at me stupidly.

"So, what can I help you with?" – I ask, grinning back at her.

"We need to make all these flowers ready for bouquets, starting with the roses" – She says, standing up and taking a bunch of roses with her to the table.

She puts the roses down and takes out garden scissors. She shows me how to cut the flower and how many leaves to take off. She hands me the scissors then and looks as I cut my first couple of roses. She nods to me then and leaves me to it. After a while I get used to the thorns of the roses and they don't prick me as much anymore. I get into the routine pretty fast and don't even feel the time pass, as someone always brings me more roses when they see I'm about to finish the work. The time runs so fast when you're doing something you enjoy. I only start to feel it when my legs become a little weak from standing in one place. Not much you can do in the moving department while you're cutting the flowers, I have to tell you. But I bet to anyone around I looked quite funny while dancing around the table to nonexistent music. I just tried to work my legs, but I can imagine how it might look. I chuckle to myself at the silly image I get in my head.

"How's it going?" – I hear Kristin's voice before I turn around to see her leaning casually on the door frame.

"Great!" – I say a little bit too excitedly, but why should I care? I'm finally doing what I like.

"Ready to go to the lunch then?" – She smiles at my antics and nods her head inviting me to follow her.

"Sure" – I finish the current rose and put it down together with the scissors.

"No, put the scissors in the drawer" – Kristin says before she turns around to walk off. "You don't know who could be running around here"

I nod and put them in the table's drawer before following her.

When we get to the dining room and sit down with our food I finally feel exactly how tired I am. I have a dull ache in my legs' muscles and my hands have quite a few bruises because of the roses. But I have a smile plastered firmly on my face and I feel like nothing could change this good mood. Kristin keeps glancing at me with a smirk.

"What?" – I ask her blatantly, not thinking about chewing my food first. What? She's rude, I can be like that too.

"Nothing" – She shakes her head and smiles at me softly, the smile reaching her eyes. The mood she was in earlier seems to pass.

"Right" – I shrug and get back to the food.

We keep eating in silence for few minutes until I feel her glancing at me again.

"Go on, ask away" – I say, taking a drink from my water.

"You really love the gardening job, don't you?" – She asks me with amusement in her eyes.

"Yep" – I nod, grinning at her like a fool. "I've loved gardening since I was little, used to redecorate our garden every year"

"Really? Maybe we should find you something to decorate in the Kibbutz. Cutting of the flowers can be pretty monotone and annoying for someone as creative as you" – She says seriously.

"Nah, I actually love it. Better than moving flowers from pot to pot and cleaning" – I smirk at her and go back to my meal.

"I'll ask around anyway" – Kristin says and seems to get lost back in her head.

I decide not to push it and finish my food. I'm eager to get back to work, so I don't wait for Kristin and smoke on my way back to the greenhouse. When I get there, however, the place is closed and I have to sit on the bench and wait. So that's what I do and meanwhile decide to call Sarah about the dinner at Amit's family. I'm quite nervous, but I really want to see the boy, so I take my phone out and make the call. I don't have to wait too long until it gets picked up.

"Hello?" – I hear the tentative voice on the other end.

"Hello, Sarah. This is Emily, I'm calling about the dinner invitation?" – I say in an uncertain voice.

"Oh, hi Emily!" – She suddenly sounds more cheerful and I can't help but smile at it. "I guess you got my message."

"Yes, I did. Can you tell me the details?" – I ask her.

"Alright. You should come at 7PM on Friday night to the address I'll message you. I'll meet you outside. Wear a skirt or a dress and something with sleeves, as we're going to have an extended family here and they're super-religious. Amit can't wait to see you again, by the way" – She says in the same excited voice.

"Well, I miss him too. He's a good boy" – I answer truthfully.

"Yes, he is. So, give me a call on Friday morning to make sure you're coming, alright? I have to go now" – She sounds a bit sad.

"I will. And I'll come for sure, don't you worry. Have a nice day" – I wish her before ending the call.

I keep sitting there, thinking about the weekend. It's going to be a busy one. First dinner with Amit's religious family, which makes me very nervous. I've never been religious and I've never really knew many religious people. I didn't know any Jewish religious people until I met Amit. Considering my sexual orientation, religion can be pretty tricky to handle. So yes, I'm already nervous and it's only Monday. My anxiety levels might lunge up by the end of the week. The good thing though is that I get to see Bar on the weekend, probably on Saturday. Tal promised me, right? How the fuck should I live until the weekend? I guess flowers will have the answer. I smile to myself and look up when I hear someone's steps.

"Ready to continue?" – Kristin smirks at me and I leap to my feet, nodding my head eagerly. I've been pretty bored, haven't I?

Kristin just laughs and opens the place. The hotness hits me when I get inside, but I don't care. What I do care about, though, is the lack of my roses at the place I left them at.

"Where…?" – I say mostly to myself, but Kristin is chuckling, so I guess she heard me.

"We're going to make beauty now" – She smirks at me and goes to another side of the greenhouse.

I feel my eyes widen and the wicked grin make its way to my lips as I follow her. When I get there I see the place almost explodes from the quantity of flowers from all imaginable kinds and colours. I see red and white roses, blue narcisses, yellow daffodillies' and other gorgeous flowers all waiting for us. My eyes take in all the beauty and my grin grows even bigger than before.

"Are we…?" – I ask carefully, hoping Kristin will understand what I mean immediately.

"Yes, we are!" – She nods and I squeal with joy. She laughs and starts picking the flowers for the bouquet.

"Have you ever made a bouquet, Emily?" – She asks me with a smirk.

"No. But I always wanted to try" – I shake my head and smirk back at her.

"Alright, stand here and watch what I do" – She says and picks some flowers.

She takes few roses, couple of daffodillies', and some lilies and starts to cut them. She puts them together and starts adding the green and white greens until it looks like a beautiful bouquet. She uses one hand to hold it all and the other to add things until she nods to herself. Looks like she's done and I know I'm right when she asks me to bring a white paper to wrap the whole thing. She sticks the bouquet in the paper and ties it with the red ribbon. She then hands it to me proudly and I look at the bouquet in awe. It only took her about three minutes, but this red and white bouquet is so utterly beautiful. It's also looks very simple, but in Kristin's hands everything looks simple. I carefully put the bouquet down and look up to see Kristin smirking at me.

"What?" – I ask a little self-consciously.

"You really love flowers" – She observes and I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. "You should try making a bouquet"

"Nooo…" – I say, scared to make something wrong and kill the beauty.

"Come on, you'll be fine. I can see your fingers twitch with anticipation" – She laughs and beckons me towards her. "You'll start with something easy and I'll be here to guide you through"

"Alright" – I say reluctantly. "But only if you help me"

She laughs again then and lets me choose the flowers. I take some field flowers like daisies and narcisses, figuring they'll make a cute bouquet.

"Nah, don't put daisies and narcisses together, that might make too many colours and could become a problem selling it" – Kristin says, taking the narcisses from me and putting them in place.

She gives me some anemones and l start to put them together. Even though I used to garden for almost my whole life, my hands feel clumsy and I can't manage to hold the whole bouquet with one hand. It keeps falling down and soon enough I get very frustrated, which in turn makes Kristin laugh until she almost cries. I huff and puff, trying to work it out and she just keeps laughing.

"Can I get some help here?" – I sigh after a while, coming to the conclusion I can't do it by myself just yet.

"Yeah. Let's do it like this – I'll hold it and you put together what you think is right" – She says, taking the joke of a bouquet I'm trying to make and holding it in one hand.

"How do you do this?" – I ask her, adding more flowers and green to the bouquet, which starts to look a little better by now.

"How do you hold it together with one hand?" – I ask curiously.

"Oh…that…I guess, it's the practice. My mother owns a flowers shop" – She smiles at me shyly.

"That's why you're so good at this" – I say respectfully.

"I guess so" – She becomes incredibly shy then and I can't help but chuckle a little to myself.

"Are you done here then?" – She changes the subject and I let it go.

"I think so. What do you say?" – I take a step back from her and let her check the bouquet I made.

"It's alright for a first time. Can I do few changes?" – She asks me and I admire her for that. Other people wouldn't even ask.

"Yes, of course. Make it look presentable" – I say, stiffing the giggle that threatens to get out.

She doesn't make a lot of changes, but after she's done it looks much better.

"There, your first bouquet. We'll take it home" – She decides and hands me the flowers.

The giggle finally gets out of me and I take them with a small bow. Kristin giggles too but stops herself very fast after looking at her clock.

"Let's work, I need to make as many bouquets as I can in the next two hours and you'll help me" – She says seriously and we set off to continue our work together.

.

.

**A/N : Review, please? Thank you for reading :-)**


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N : I'm sorry it took me this long to update again, but real life is getting in the way. Hopefully from now on it'll go more smoothly :-) I hope you all still like this story, I have so much more to tell. Enjoy :-) P.S. Thanks a lot to my amazing friend trufreak89 for beta this :-)**_

**Chapter 20**

.

"I need to buy a new outfit" – I say when I rummage through my clothes on Wednesday evening, trying to come up with things to wear for Amit's dinner.

"What for?" – Asks a very confused Anna. I haven't managed to tell them yet that I'm going to the dinner on Friday.

"I'm going to Amit's family dinner on Friday. I need a religious outfit" – I chuckle at the thought of myself looking religious.

"Oh…OHHH!" – Anna says excitedly. – "I'll get Tal to go to the town tomorrow, we'll find you a perfect outfit"

"That sounds great!" – I say and go over to hug her. "Thank you"

"You know I love shopping" – She pulls away from the hug and grins ear to ear. "Now tell me, how's your gardening job going?"

I remember the last two days and feel myself grin foolishly. Kristin managed to find me the perfect job decorating the new kindergarten's garden. My mind goes back to yesterday and I smile to myself.

.

"_Emily! Get ready, you're going to do something else today" – Kristin says to me while I'm moving yet another flower from pot to pot. _

"_What?" – I ask her, looking at her smirking face._

"_I found you something else to do until the end of the week. Get up already!" – She scolds me playfully and I can't help but let the big grin make its way to my face._

"_What is it? Tell me, tell me!" – I get up and start bouncing up and down like an excited little girl. Whatever, I am excited. I can act however I feel like._

"_I'll show you" – She says mysteriously and starts to walk away. I follow her, skipping a little. _

"_Stop skipping or you're not doing this. You need to be an adult for them to take you" – She says without looking back at me and I stop skipping._

_I can't stop grinning like a loony though, so I trail after Kristin while trying to get a hold on my grin. It isn't working well and when we get to the place in ten minutes, I still have a very silly grin splitting my face in two on. _

"_Adult" – Kristin reminds me and I nod vigorously. "Good girl"_

_We walk inside and I start to get an idea what job I am going to do. We're at the kindergarten, but not the one Bar showed me. It's a new building, barely finished yet, but there are already enormous amounts of toys scattered all over the place. We walk outside through the back door and I see two men in their mid-fifties setting up some yard toys. The swings are already there and they're both busy trying to connect what looks like a car to the ground._

"_Hey, Avi" – Kristin says and the handsome brown-eyed man turns around to give her attention._

"_Hey, Kris" – He waves at her and smiles warmly. _

"_I brought Emily. Do you want to show her what she has to do here?" – She says, pointing at me._

"_Oh yes! Give us two minutes?" – He smiles at her again and Kristin nods. _

_She goes to the swings then and sits down on one, beckoning me with her finger. I walk over and sit on the other swing._

"_Care to tell me what we're doing here?" – I sway back and forth on the swing. _

"_Avi will show you in a couple of minutes, be patient, child" – Kristin smirks at me._

"_Alright, alright" – I say and smirk back. I can feel this is going to be something great._

_After couple of minutes I hear Avi call for Kristin and I get up to follow her inside the building. The guys are sitting in the small kitchen with a coffee and we both sit down at the table. Kristin serves us both a coffee and I turn all my attention to the guys._

"_Hello, Emily" – Avi brings his hand out for me to shake._

"_Hello" – I say, smiling softly at the older man._

"_I've heard from Kris here that you're good at decorating gardens?" – He says and I blush. _

"_Well, I don't know if I'm any good, but I used to decorate mine and family friends gardens since I was a little girl" – My eyes fall to my coffee and I feel myself blush more._

"_I have a job for you" – He says and I bring my eyes back up. "This new kindergarten needs a nice garden. Calm, sweet environment they can play at when needed. Do you think you could handle it?" _

"_I should be able to make it. How long do I have though?" – I ask, curiosity taking over my voice. I already start planning things in my head._

"_You have this and next week to make it. I want to see what you've planned until the weekend though so we can work through next week." – He smiles at my eagerness._

"_Of course. I'll see you on Thursday morning with a plan" –I say, jumping from my seat and running around the table to hug him. He seems to be very awkward by my behavior, but I don't care. _

"_Alright, see you on Thursday" – He says, pulling from the hug and leaving the kitchen presumably to finish his work in the playground._

_I turn around and hug Kristin tightly._

"_Thank you, honey. I appreciate this so much!" – I say into her hair and feel her nod._

"_Let's go back? You still have some work to finish and you'll have free day tomorrow to think things through" – She smiles at me and walks out with me following after her._

_._

That was two days ago and tomorrow is a big day. I have a lot of things planned for this garden and tomorrow I have a meeting with Avi about it. I hope he likes my ideas because I really want this to work out.

"Earth to Emileeeeeeeeh" – I hear Anna yell. I guess I've got lost in my head again, eh? I do it quite a lot lately.

"Eh?" – Is all I can say when I turn my head to look at her.

"Thinking about tomorrow?" – She asks and I nod. "It'll be fine, you're genius"

"Thanks. I hope it will be alright" – I say with a shy smile and feel myself blush.

"Awww she's blushing" – Anna teases me and I punch her playfully on the arm. She chuckles and ducks away from my hand. I let myself laugh with her and relax a little.

"I'm going for a walk" – I tell her and go outside.

The thing I love about living in Kibbutz is that even at late evening, just like now, I can go outside and not be scared about every step I take. This is a very small village and everyone knows each other. So I've been taking these late evening walks for last few days just to clean my head and be alone. I miss Bar so much that I feel a need to be alone. I'm not really in a mood for anyone and especially not parties that Anna and Tal keep trying to throw. So I go out and just let myself walk around the Kibbutz. Usually I end up in the Japanese Garden, laying on the grass and watching the stars.

That's where I find myself after half an hour of walking. It's so peaceful, just what I need right now. My head feels like it's going to explode with all the thoughts flying around it. I instantly wish I would've thought about taking water on this little trip. Instead of dwelling on it, I lie down near the little pond and listen to the water. The slight movement of the water has a calming effect on my nerves and I close my eyes. All I see is green and suddenly I feel my eyes well up with tears. I let them fall because I need a release. I miss Bar and I've been eating myself with the new project I got. I know if she'd been here with me, I'd have been much calmer. But she's not here and I miss her terribly. The thought strikes me and I take out my phone to check time. It's pretty late, but I decide to send her a message to check if she's available to talk. Few seconds after I sent a message my phone starts ringing.

"Emily?" – I hear her worried voice a second I answer my phone. I feel a smile creeping on my face at the sound of her voice.

"Hello, darling" – I smile broadly at the sky.

"Is everything alright?" – She still sounds worried and my smile broadens.

"I miss you" – I say and she quiets. It takes her few seconds before she starts talking again.

"I miss you too. So much!" – She says and I feel a lump threatening to settle inside my throat again.

"Guess what?" – I ask her, smiling despite the lump in my throat.

"What?" – I hear her getting excited.

"I've got my first gardening job" – I almost squeal into the phone.

"REALLY?" – She yells back and I have to take my phone away from my ear to save the hearing. This girl can scream, I tell you.

"Calm down. Yes, I'm decorating the garden in new kindergarten" – I tell her and wait for her answer. She's quiet again.

"Baby?" – I say, when the waiting continues a bit too long.

"Yes, I'm here. Just thinking" – She says.

"What about?" – I say, feeling a little self-conscious.

"About how proud I am. I've got the cutest and smartest girlfriend in the world" – She says the words that make my heart melt with joy.

"I wish I could hug you right now" – I say, smiling sadly.

"You will. Soon" – She says reassuringly and I believe her.

"I know" – I say after nodding to myself.

"So tell me, what are you going to make for kids to be happy?" – She asks and I laugh a little.

I always loved the little ones, but never really had too much to do with them. Katie, however, always said I'll be a great mother and I'd be very good in working with kids. So this job is perfect for me.

"Well, my thinking is something neutral would be nice. You know, not pink girls/blue boys stuff, but more yellow and white for everyone. This way the focus of the garden would be not on the gender, but on kids as a whole bunch" – I say, feeling self-conscious again.

"Uhuh…" – Bar says on the other side of the phone. – "I like the idea. And how do you plan to make it happen?"

"With yellow/white flowers, maybe some orange too. It should look cheerful, it's kids after all" – I tell her. – "Some sunflowers would go well too"

"I believe you can make it gorgeous" – She says and I blush slightly.

"Thank you, I'll try" – I say, still blushing.

"I have to go now" – Her voice is suddenly sad and I can understand why.

"I'll miss you" – I say and kiss the phone soundly.

"I'll miss you too" – She chuckles now, I love this sound so much. I'd like to hear it as much as possible.

"Bye, then…" – She says after her laugh subsides.

"Bye" – I says, feeling the need to say something entirely else. But I don't want to just say things without being sure. That's why I end the call and stand up to go back to the room.

.

Next morning I wake up with an anxious feeling in my stomach, which in turn makes me eat so much at the breakfast I get cramps. I whine and grumble all the way back to the room, where I left my notes for the meeting. I have couple of hours before the meeting, so I decide to have a long shower to try and get rid of the cramps. The shower doesn't help and I flop down on the bed, feeling like I want to cry. Suddenly I hear my phone chipping, which means I have a message. I take the phone out of my pocket lazily and take a look.

_Breathe, my beautiful redhead. You'll do just fine – Bar xxx_

I smile and relax instantly. How did she know I've been so nervous? I ask her exactly that. Within few seconds I get a reply.

_Because I can feel you. Go get them, tiger! Xxx_

I have to laugh at that and relax even more. If Bar believes in me, why can't I?

I get up from the bed and make my way to the stove to make a strong coffee. I'm thinking again about how I'm going to present my program, but this time without anxiety. I take my coffee outside and go through my notes, while smoking a fag. I don't think I can add anything, so I push the notes aside and just have a few minutes without thinking. But even when I try not to think, my brain doesn't want to stop. I think about Bar and her reassuring smile she seems to reserve only for me.

"What are you smiling about?" – I snap out of my not so innocent thoughts when I hear Kristin's voice.

"Nothing" – I answer her, but my smile gives me away.

"Right" – She lets it pass while she comes to sit beside me. "Are you ready then?"

"As ready as I can be" – I say, swallowing the last of my coffee.

I check the time and decide to take a slow walk towards the meeting, even though I still have some time. I prefer to walk a bit than sitting and waiting nervously for the meeting. On my way to the place I meet Bar's father and promise I'll come to the dinner tonight at their place. He hugs me and makes me miss my father again. I wish he was here with me. I wish all my family would come see me. Alright, maybe Jenna can stay home. But I miss Katie and dad so much, even the little pervert James. I guess I'll have to wait couple of months to see them. But I promise myself to make time to call them as soon as I have a bit of alone time.

Even though I've taken a long route to the meeting, I make it there in no time. I'm surprised to see there's someone inside already. I go in and see Avi sitting at the table, sipping on his dark coffee.

"Hello" – I say, smiling at him.

"Oh, hi, Emily. You're early" – He smiles warmly back at me.

"Yeah, I figured I'd wait for you. But here you are, waiting for me" – I smile again and he chuckles at that.

"Do you want coffee?" – He asks me and I nod. I can do with more coffee because my anxiety level is starting to go up again.

I'm sitting down on the table while Avi makes my coffee and trying to calm myself down. The only thing that does the trick is thought about how excited Bar is for me getting this little job. I smile to myself and breathe deeply, calming my body and brain.

Avi sets a coffee mug in front of me and looks expectantly at me. I take it as a clue to take out my notes and start talking. It doesn't take long for Avi to look very intrigued and have a small smile on his face. My anxiety is long gone as I've got total work mode on. I explain everything in so much detail I can see the cogs work in Avi's head as he imagines everything. He keeps nodding from time to time, like he approves of what I say. I really hope he does, because I want this job desperately. By the time I finish my little presentation, I am well and truly scared.

"Well…" – Avi draws out and I drop my gaze to my coffee mug, feeling completely devastated.

"I don't know how, but you've managed to make something simple sound perfect. This is exactly what we need here" – He says after few beats and my head shots up to look at him.

"Really?" – I say not believing what I've heard.

"Really, Emily. I want you to make this kindergarten as amazing as it sounds on paper" – He says, smiling warmly at me.

All I can do is nod and keep myself from jumping into his arms. Now, that wouldn't be very professional, would it?

"You have two weeks to make it happen and free use of garden facilities in Kibbutz. If you need something special, just give me a call" – He says, writing down his phone number.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" – I whisper franticly, my eyes big with joy. – "You won't regret it!"

"I know I won't" – Avi smiles at me again and stands up, holding his hand out for me to shake. – "Hope you'll have enough time to make it before the new school year starts. Good luck, Emily"

I keep thanking him while we make our way out of the building and he closes up. We move to different directions then and I almost start to skip with happiness when I go back to my room.

Kristin is still sitting outside the room. I try to act nonchalantly, but it's not working. She sees my happy face and I see a hint of a smile creeping on her face.

"So, when do you start?" – She says without any hint of emotion in her voice, like she isn't curious at all.

"Sunday" – I answer, desperately trying to save poker face.

"Good. Fag?" – She asks me, holding up her pack.

I take one and sit down, trying my best not to jump and squeal at place. The next few minutes are passed in silence, waiting for someone to break it. I can't handle the silence anymore and sigh loudly.

"Emily, I know you're desperate to talk about it, so why don't you do just that?" – Kristin says, chuckling at my face and I can't help but let out a small giggle.

After we calm down I start talking. Kristin listens carefully, trying not to interrupt me and when I'm done she gets up and hugs me. This simple gesture makes me quite emotional and I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. All the nerves I felt previous days breaking down on me now. Kristin keeps hugging me while I sob quietly on her shoulder until I calm down. Then she moves inside and after a minute she gets back with tea and biscuits.

"Thank you" – I say, accepting my cup of tea. – "I guess it's the nerves, I'm sorry for ruining your shirt"

"You can't ruin clothes in Kibbutz, did you see how people dress here?" – She says mockingly and I chuckle.

"Yeah, my sister would get a heart attack if she ever gets here" – I say through my laugh and the thought about Katie sobers me a little.

"Maybe you should invite her to come for few days" – Kristin suggests and I look at her with an open jaw.

"I can do that?" – I ask, dumbfounded.

"Of course you can. Think about it" – She says, smiling warmly at me.

"I will." – I reply before taking another cigarette. – "I have to attend a dinner at Bar's home tonight. Without Bar. I already feel awkward"

"You'll be fine. Her folks love you" – Kristin says, getting up. – "And I have a date tonight, so if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready"

"Yeah, her folks do, but her sister…" – I mutter to myself when the door closes after Kristin.

I stay outside for quite a bit before I have to get ready for the dinner at Bar's. I don't think I'm expected to dress up, but I still want to look nice. So I take a long nice shower, straighten my hair and put some of my nicer clothes on before I make my way towards their house. As I get closer, I become more anxious. I don't know if Dana's going to be there and I'm really not in the mood for the homophobic shit. I hope it'll be just the three of us. However, when I get there I understand my luck is bad, because Dana opens the door for me. She scowls at me and rushes off to her room, leaving me to stand in the doorway.

"Emily, is that you?" – I hear Amos deep voice call at me.

"Yes, good evening" – I say loudly, stepping inside.

"Come to the living room, I have something to show you" – He asks me and I obey.

I find him sitting on the couch watching something that I don't pay attention to at first. I look at him and see his hand patting a place beside him for me to sit on. I sit down again and finally move my eyes towards the TV. Suddenly I feel a huge grin make its way to my face as I see little Bar running after some boy on screen. She can't be older than five years old on the video and she looks adorable. Her ginger hair is made in two pigtails and she wears something resembling football uniform. Actually, when I pay more attention, I see she's running after a boy with a ball.

"Did she play football back then? How old is she on this video?" – I ask Amos curiously, unable to take my eyes off little serious Bar.

"She used to play since she could walk until she joined the army. She's pretty good at this, actually. She's almost five in this video, that's the only one we managed to catch back then. She always hated cameras" – He smiles, his face happy and content.

"Even as a child?" – I ask, amused by this little Bar. She is the only girl on the team, but that doesn't really matter in such a young age. My dad would love her, I think to myself.

"Yeah, she always thought it was invasive and she just wanted to have her own memories, not those made by someone else. She always had a spirit, my baby girl" – He chuckles softly, clearly remembering some of the cutest things Bar did and said as a young girl.

"She was adorable" – I say, sighing to myself. I do like to learn things about Bar.

"Emily! How are you?" – I hear Miriam say behind me and get up to greet her.

"Hi, Miriam. I'm good, thank you for the invitation" – I say and she surprises me by hugging me tightly.

"You're welcome here at any time, I already told you that" – She tuts half-jokingly and I giggle.

"Thank you" – I say again and that's when I see Dana in the hallway staring at me with hatred in her eyes.

I feel my gaze fall to the floor, but I still can feel her stare on me. I don't know if she hates me only because I'm gay or maybe it's something more, but I really dislike it. I want to be friends with Bar's whole family and I'm not achieving it yet with Dana. I'll have to talk to Bar to see how I can get there.

"Emily?" – I hear my name being called and I realize I've been asked a question I didn't hear.

"Sorry, what?" – I feel a blush creeping up my neck.

"I asked if you'd like to help me in the kitchen" – She smiles at me knowingly and I nod. I see Dana's gone back to her room and I'm grateful for it. I don't know if I can handle her right now.

I follow Miriam to the kitchen and get knocked by the amazing smell. My stomach starts grumbling immediately and I blush again. Miriam stifles a laugh but it doesn't bother me.

"Could you please arrange the table?" – She asks me and shows where everything is. "Omer and his girlfriend are coming in a few minutes, so make it for six people"

I nod and start arranging everything. Very soon I hear voice in the hall, meaning Omer is home and I can't wait to meet his girlfriend. I like to meet new people very much. But soon enough I'm surprised to see Kristin walking hand in hand with Omer.

"Oh" – Is the only thing I manage to say while I'm trying to close my mouth.

Kristin just glares at me, silently asking not to say anything right now. I nod my head and leave it, for now. But we'll talk later and I glare back to show her just that.

The dinner is quite uneventful and soon enough we all sit in the living room, chatting comfortably with a cup of coffee. Dana is the only one who didn't stay and I'm grateful for that. Kristin shows a different, very soft and lovely side of herself. I can see Omer loves her, but I don't know if she feels the same. I wonder why she would go back to this relationship. It makes me wonder if I could be able to do it. If I still have feelings for Naomi. And what feelings do I have for Bar? Soon enough I start feeling the headache coming up and I'm starting to look for excuses to leave. I just want to be alone right now, to think a little about my life. I have so many questions for myself, but I can't answer them all. Finally I'm on my way home and that's when I get a message from Bar.

_I think I'm falling in love with you – Bar xxx_

What do I do now?

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_**A/N : Don't forget to push the little button down the page and leave your thoughts in any kind of review :-) Thank you for reading :-)**_


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N : I didn't mean for it to take forever to update, but I had a bit of writers block and had been struggling to write anyting in last few months. I just want to thank whoever's still following this story. If you can - leave a review, it really helps the motivation :) Hope this chapter isn't too bad. And thanks to my very helpful friend _trufreak89_ for BETAing it for me :)**

Chapter 21

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"Why didn't you tell me?" – I attack Kristin as soon as we're a safe distance from Bar's home.

"Because" – She doesn't want to cooperate, but I'll force it out anyway.

"Because? That's your answer?" – I say indignantly.

"Yes" – She looks to the floor and I see a slight blush covering her cheeks.

"Are you blushing?" – I chuckle slightly.

"No" – She blushes more and starts to walk faster.

"Come on, tell me. Are you back together? Why?" – I ask her, almost running after her. I hate my short legs sometimes.

"I don't know, alright?" – She stops suddenly and makes me bump into her.

"Ugh" – I breathe out and feel a laugh start to bubble in my throat. I can hear Kristin struggling to keep her own laugh in. A few seconds pass and I can't keep it in longer and start laughing. Kristin joins me and soon enough we're both laughing hysterically at nothing in particular.

When our laugh dies, we sit on the nearby bench to rest a bit. Laughing can be tiring for sure. We sit in silence for a while, each lost in her head. After a while Kristin starts talking.

"I really don't know what I feel. I thought I've been over him, that I moved on. He just came out of nowhere and made me feel like a princess" – She says, her voice full of emotion.

"I think I can relate there. Bar makes me feel exactly the same" – I say, feeling quite emotional myself.

"Yeah. This family seems to have some magical power" – She jokes sadly.

"Why are you sad then?" – I ask, although I do have some suspicions.

"I'm here for few months and then I'll go back home again. It's just so difficult to keep this kind of relationship. It didn't work last time. Why would it work now?" – She says and looks at me with unshed tears in her eyes.

I don't really know what to say, so I just scoop her in my arms and give her the infamous Fitch hug.

We sit like this for a bit until she starts untangling herself from me. She looks more determined now, like she has made a decision.

"Alright?" – I ask a bit worried.

"Yes. Let's go home. It's late." – She starts to walk and I have no choice but follow her. She's not going to talk any more tonight.

.

Friday begins pretty late for me, as I let myself sleep as much as I can. I don't have to work today, because I start my new job on Sunday, but I do have a stressful day today ending with dinner with Amit's family.

When I finally wake up, it's getting near 11AM and my stomach rumbles furiously, because it missed the usual breakfast. I get up grudgingly and walk over to a small fridge we have in the room. I groan when I open it to find it almost empty, except of milk and couple of apples. I grab all the items out and boil some water, devouring one of the apples while I make myself a coffee. When I finish both apple and the coffee, I feel the same hunger I had when I woke up and decide to go to the Kibbutz shop to get some food. I buy everything my eyes see and get back home to fill my stomach. Only then I can start thinking and that's when I get cold feet. I'm really scared about the dinner and it starts to show. I decide to take a shower to calm myself down. There I finally start to relax and think clear. I've already met most of Amit's brothers and sisters and they had no problem with me. Why would his parents, right? Logically, they would love me. All parents do. But what if they don't? I'm starting to feel stressed again. I get out of the shower, get my iPod and start playing my cheering list. It usually makes me relax, so I hope it'll help me now. I take my phone to check the time and see I have a message. I relax instantly, because I know it's from Bar. Not for the first time I'm amazed how good she feels my moods and my need for her even when she's so far away. I open the message and feel a smile tugging on my lips.

_Stop being nervous! Xxx_

The message was sent few minutes ago, so I decide to try my luck and make a call. I'm slightly disappointed when she doesn't pick up, but few seconds after I put the phone down, I hear the message sound again.

_As much as I would love to, I can't talk right now. But I miss you so much, it's unbearable. Will I hear from you in the evening? Xxx_

I smile again and tell her that I'll message her as soon as I get home from the dinner. I lie back on my bed and turn the volume up. I daydream about Bar until I hear a loud bang on the door. I get up, grumbling under my nose, because that daydream was really vivid and sweet. I open the door to find Tal and Ann standing there, looking at me expectantly.

"Yes?" – I ask, a little bit annoyed that I could just keep chilling out by myself.

"Get your shoes and money, we're going to buy your dinner clothes" – Anna says and turns to go to Tal's car. He just grins at me and turns to look at his girlfriend, not so subtly staring at her ass. I roll my eyes and get inside to take my things.

I totally forgot about the clothes I need for the dinner and I'm glad my friends remembered them for me. I don't know what I'd have done without them. We drive the short distance to the town and Tal leaves us to do our thing. All my life I thought shopping with Katie was a hard thing to do. Now I know I was wrong. Katie is the easiest person, compared to Anna. She kept me running between the only three clothes shops for few hours. I was sweating by the closing time and we still didn't have the outfit. We only had ten minutes until the closing when Tal came to get us. He saw us frantically running around and started laughing. When his laugh died, he took the charge and started rummaging through the clothes we had already dismissed. He took a plain white ¾ sleeved shirt with black Chinese ornament on the end of the sleeves and bottom of the shirt. He also took a simple black pencil skirt and black shoes with a small heel and sent me to try it on. When I put it on and looked in the mirror, I stared with an opened mouth. It looked very, well, sophisticated, but still very "me". Tal grinned widely and Anna was looking like a fish out of water. I guess she didn't expect Tal to be so good with clothes. We paid for everything and went to eat something, as we missed lunch in the Kibbutz. Tal kept teasing us about the shopping and eventually Anna exploded on him. She kicked him in the balls and went to sit in the car. Even when he had tears from hurting, he couldn't stop laughing and that made me laugh too. After we finished our food we went back to the car to find Anna still pissed off with Tal. She pouted and glared, but one little grin from him and a hand under her skirt made her lips twitch. Few seconds later they were kissing passionately and I found myself standing awkwardly and trying not to look at them. When their kisses became more heated, I had to clear my throat to make them stop, because really? It was too much. It was like looking at my siblings kissing. Ugh, that's one picture I didn't want to have in my head.

So, when we got back Tal and Anna flew out to his room to do their thing and I was left alone in the room. I still have four hours before I have to get ready for the dinner and I'm very bored. So I decide to draw what I thought to do with the garden at that new kindergarten. It takes me couple of hours to draw something that'll look presentable, but I manage it in the end. I put it on the wall near my bed, so it can remind me of my first "real" job at this place. I lie down again and just stare at my drawing. My thoughts go back to my awkward conversation with Kristin. How can I go back home in few months and leave Bar here? But what choice would I have? I can't stay here forever, I know it. And she can't come with me because of the army. I don't even know she wants this relationship – whatever it is – to last more than few months while I'm here. We need to have this conversation. I decide that we'll have this talk next time she comes home. I really need to know what she wants us to be. Is there even an "us"? I'm starting to freak myself out. I close my eyes and start to take deep breaths. Next thing I know I'm being shaken awake by Tal. I must've fallen asleep while trying to relax.

"Emily, it's 6PM, why aren't you ready yet?! The dinner is in half an hour!" – I practically jump out of bed and start to get ready frantically. I dress at the record speed and start to apply my make-up. Tal is waiting for me outside, smoking a fag. I could use a fag too, but I don't want to stink from cigarettes when I go to meet Amit's family. This boy is precious and I don't want to lose him because of fags. When I finish with my make-up I take the flowers and get out of the room. I get a whistle from Tal and blush a little.

"I'm ready" – I wink at him and walk towards the car.

I try to look cool, but inside I'm very nervous. We make a short trip to the town and Tal takes me to Amit's home. When I see the three-store house, I feel even smaller than I usually am.

"Wow" – Is the only thing I can say and I can see Tal's nodding beside me.

"Go on, then. That's the address. Don't forget your flowers" – He says and pushes me playfully towards the door.

"Alright, alright. I'm going" – I say and get out of the car.

I brush my skirt, take the flowers and go to the door. Before knocking I turn around to look at Tal and he gives me thumbs up and a big grin which relaxes me slightly. I knock and wait, looking at the floor. Suddenly the door opens and I find two small hands around my waist.

"EMILY!" – My little buddy yells loudly and squeezes the hell out of me. I didn't know little ones could be this strong.

When I find it hard to breathe, I untangle myself carefully from the boy and bend down to kiss his cheek.

"Hi, Amit" – I say and smile at him.

"HI EMILY!" – He yells again and runs inside the house.

I slowly get through the open door after him. I take in the house. It's huge, but it's understandable, because this is a big family. I walk carefully towards the slight noise and find myself at the kitchen doorframe.

"Hello" – I say quietly, blushing a little from my nerves.

"IMA, EMILY!" – Amit yells again, tugging on beautiful woman's sleeve.

"Oh, hello, Emily!" – She says, cleaning her hands on her apron. She approaches me and shakes my hand. – "Very nice to meet you. I am Galit, Amit's mother."

"Nice to meet you too" – I smile at the woman who looks exactly like Amit.

I stand there a bit awkwardly while she's talking to Amit in Hebrew. He keeps nodding his head and listens very carefully. After she finishes, she smiles at me and turns around back to the stove. Amit takes my hand and tugs me to another room. When we get to a living room, I see all the family sitting around some board game and chatting animatedly. I count seven people, including one who seems to be the father of this big family. When he sees us entering, he gets up to welcome me.

"Hello! You must be Emily!" – He says cheerfully.

"Yes, that would be me" – I joke and shake his hand.

"I am Shlomi, Amit's father. Let me introduce these little devils to you" – He says with a smile. The other kids start to get up.

"This is Shaul, our oldest. And you already know Sarah" – I nod and shake their hands.

"This cheeky lad is Gideon" - He says, playfully slapping a redhead boy on the neck.

"The pair over there is the twins, Aviel and Ariela. And this little prince is Liad" – He picks up the little boy, who grins at me with toothless smile and waves his little hand. He looks exactly like Amit, but smaller. Amit, who is glued to my waist through the entire introduction.

"Nice to meet you all" – I say, waving at them a little awkwardly, because Amit doesn't want to let me go. His father notices and says something to him in Hebrew. Amit nods and untangles himself from me, and takes my hand instead.

Everybody sits back around the game, including Amit, who tugs my hand down, until I sit back too. Somehow I manage to understand they're playing some kind of money game, even though everything's in Hebrew. I try to pay attention, but it's too hard and I excuse myself to go to a bathroom. Amit reluctantly lets go of my hand and I leave the family to their game. After I use the bathroom, I decide to go to the kitchen. I'm a bit overwhelmed from meeting all the kids and I need a few quiet moments.

"Can I help with something?" – I ask Galit and she jumps.

"Emily! You scared me" – She says, laughing. "Do you want to help me to set the table?"

"Of course" – I say politely and walk after her to the other doorframe in the kitchen.

There I find a big dining room with a huge wooden table. It's a lot bigger than our six-seat table, but still reminds me of home. Suddenly I start missing my family, a feeling I didn't have for some time. I don't have time to dwell on it, because Galit starts to give me the plates and silverware to place on the table. I try to follow her lead and soon enough we have a whole table full of cutlery. Only then I see the small table in the corner with two candles on it. I'm about to ask Galit about it when people start flooding into dining room. I don't get a chance to ask, but I find very soon what this table is for.

"Sarah? Ariela? Will you please light the Shabbat candles?" – Galit asks the girls and they nod, grinning widely.

The girls get to the small table and everybody gathers around them. Now I can see that all the boys and Shlomi have a little white hat on their heads, which looks exactly like the one Amit had when he came to the Gan Guru for the first time. Sarah lights both candles and then both girls close their faces with hands and Sarah starts to say something in Hebrew that sounds like chanting. After few bits Ariela takes over and very soon it's over with a collective "Amen". They take a silver cup with what looks like wine in it and everybody takes a small sip of the same glass, including little ones. I take my sip too, a bit confused by whole ordeal. When they're done with a cup, men go sit on the table and women go to the kitchen to serve the food. I don't really agree with the way they do it, but it's their tradition and I'm following the girls to the kitchen. Galit takes a big dish from the stove and opens it. Whatever it is, it smells heavenly. She moves some of the food into big bowl and lets Sarah take it to the dining room. She then takes some salads from the fridge and we all take some to the dining room.

"What is it in the big bowl?" – I ask once we're sitting on the table.

"It's a Shabbat dish, called Hamin. It starts cooking around lunch time on Friday and stays on the stove until the end of the Shabbat. This way we can keep the Shabbat free of work, because cooking is working" – Sarah explains to me.

"Oh…and what do you eat on Saturday?" – I ask, more confused now.

"The same Hamin. It gets even better on the second day." – Shaul answers with a smile.

"Interesting…" – I mutter more to myself. I'm not sure I want to try it now. It still smells amazing, so I give Sarah my plate for her to put some of the dish on.

"EMILY! YUMMY!" – Amit yells one more time and gets "shhh"'s and laughs from everyone on the table.

"Thank you" – I say, taking my plate from Sarah and eyeing it suspiciously. It looks weird, but I don't really have a choice and take a curious bite. It is good. Very good, actually. It looks like they put inside everything they had in the fridge and put in the dish with spices, but it works very fine together.

"So, what do you think?" – Galit asks me.

"Yummy, as Amit said" – I smile at her and continue eating.

.

"So, Emily, where are you from?" – Shlomi asks me when everybody had enough food and moved back to the living room.

"Bristol, England" – I answer, looking around. The kids are sitting on the floor with another game that looks more for kids Amit's age. Others are sitting on the two couches and chatting easily.

"Oh yes, I've been there once. Pretty city" – Shlomi says and winks at me. I know he's joking, because mostly Bristol isn't that pretty. It has nice places, but generally…it's just a city. I still miss it anyway. I wonder if I could make a home anywhere else…

"Yes, it is…" – I say with sadness in my voice.

"How long are you here for?" – He asks again after few seconds of silence.

"Three months, maybe I could make it 6 months. I like it here, even the weird weather" – I joke and we chuckle together.

"EMILY! COME!" – Amit yells and I wonder what's going on today. He's never been loud around me before. But today he yells all the time and I cast a questioning gaze towards his father. He shrugs and shushes the boy again.

I get up when Amit comes to tug me on my hand and go after him to the second floor. Sarah comes with us, just in case we'll need translation, I guess. Amit takes me to his room and starts to show off. He shows me all his cars and the bunk bed he has with his little brother. He gets to the upper bunk and starts jumping, which makes me laugh, because that's exactly what I did when I was his age. He reminds me so much of me, that I have to hold back the tears that threatening to spill out.

After a while he says something to Sarah in Hebrew and she starts to translate.

"He asks if you'd come to his first day of school" – She says and I'm stunned by this question.

"He invites me?" – I ask, too shocked to believe it.

"Yes. It's in two weeks and he wants you to be there" – She says and I look at Amit for a sign that he's joking. I can't find any, only earnest eyes that watch every emotion on my face.

"I have to ask my bosses at Kibbutz, but I am pretty sure they'll let me got for couple of hours" – I say then, feeling quite happy.

Sarah translates to Amit and he jumps off his bunk to throw himself at me. I hug him back and Sarah laughs at us. Amit turns to her and shows his tongue, which makes me laugh too.

All too soon I have to leave and I'm really reluctant to go. It was a good evening, we played more games until Amit and Liad had to go to sleep. And then I've talked a bit with the parents. They've explained me a bit more about the Shabbat. Apparently, the candles and the praying are starting the holy day. The women of the house light the candles because in the old days they were the house keepers. It's the tradition religious people still keep. This dinner was very different from what I'm used to and I'm really glad I can learn about other culture's traditions.

After kissing Amit good night (he wouldn't go to sleep without it), I called Tal so he could come and get me. It took him half an hour, but finally he's here and I have to leave. I hug everyone goodbye and go to the car. Tal looks at me questionably.

"So?" – He asks and I know he can't wait for me to tell everything.

"So what?" – I'm not going to satisfy his curiosity just yet.

"How was it? Did they hate you?" – He jokes and I laugh.

"No, they didn't. I have a feeling they liked me pretty much. And the boy invited me to his first day at school!" – I almost squeak the last part and Tal chuckles.

"Congratulations! Aunty Emily in action" – He says and I start to giggle.

"I see myself more as a big sister, thank you very much. I'm too young to be Aunty Emily" – I say through giggles.

"Yes, you are" – He chuckles with me.

We fall into silence after our laughs subside. It's a comfortable one, because each of us is lost in their head. Few minutes later we arrive in the Kibbutz and Tal takes me to my room.

"Be ready tomorrow at 10AM, you remember we're going to surprise Bar, right?" – He says as I get out of the car.

"Of course I remember! Can't wait to see her!" – I say, visibly perking up.

"Anna's coming with us, because there's no way I'm going to be a third wheel" – He winks at me and drives away before I could say something.

I decide to stay out for a bit and sit in the hammock, because I have a call to make. I check the clock to see it's not too late and dial a number. I wait for a bit until she answers, but when she does – the smile on my face is enormous.

"Hello, gorgeous" – Her voice is raspy like she's been screaming the whole day.

"Hi, baby" – I say, smiling into the phone.

"How was it then?" – She says and I can hear the curious impatience in her voice.

"The dinner at your folks without you?" – I tease her, even though I do know she's not talking about that.

"Silly. No, the dinner at Amit's" – She says, giggling a little.

"This one was fine, I think they liked me. He actually has a huge family, parents and six siblings! They all seem to get along pretty well too, which is weird for me" – It still amazes me how united this family seems to be.

"Yes, some families are actually happy" – She is right there. Some aren't, I add in my head.

"Anyway, I liked them too and Amit invited me to his first day at school in two weeks" – I say proudly.

"Oh, really? This kid must really like you" – She says in amused tone.

"Shut up, I like him too. Besides, I want to be there for him. He's a good kid" – I say in more serious voice.

"Alright, alright. I really like you too" – She says cheekily and I forgive her everything.

"Did you mean what you said in that message?" – I suddenly remember the message she sent me couple of days ago and I have to ask her now.

"Yes, I did. I am falling for you" – She says, her own voice much more serious now.

"I miss you" – This is the only thing I can say, because my throat is closing and tears fill my eyes.

"I…I miss you too" – I don't miss the little pause in her words, like she wanted to say something completely different. I'm glad she didn't, because I don't think things like that should be said on the phone for the first time.

"So, how was your day? Why were you so busy?" – I change the theme, because the tears are dangerously close to spill and I can't let her hear me crying.

"It was alright. We're getting ready for the new recruitment in in a week and there's so much to do before new boys get here" – She starts to tell me more details about what they have to do and I listen carefully, trying to understand everything. I can't say I do, but I'm trying.

"You are so cute" – I cut into her words after a while and she starts to chuckle.

"What made you say it now?" – She asks, still laughing.

"I don't know…it's cute that you're trying to make me understand things I've never seen before" – I say and I know it's ridiculous, but I don't care.

"I want you to be a part of my life and right now my life is army" – She says and this makes my heart swell.

"Thank you, honey" – I'm really glad I've met this girl.

"You're welcome, motek" – I can hear her smile on the other end.

"What's that word?" – I ask, not understanding what she just said.

"Motek is something like…like…honey in Hebrew. Not really, but it's the closest" – She explains.

"Oh, I see. I like it" – I say and I really do.

"Can I call you that then?" – She wonders and I nod, before I remember that she can't see me.

"Of course, baby" – I say and I mean it.

"You know what I like the most?" – She asks me and I'm very curious now.

"No. What?" - My mind goes to every side it can.

"I like to lie on my back and watch the stars. Will you lie with me now?" – She asks and I get out of the hammock and lie on the ground.

"I just did. What do you see, honey?" – I wonder and wait for the answer.

"I see you. I see your pretty face and your beautiful eyes and your gorgeous body and your amazing smile" – She says and that's when I start to cry silently. Not silently enough, though.

"Don't cry, motek…please don't cry" – She tries to persuade me, but it isn't working.

"I'm not sad…I'm…I just…I'm so happy that I found you" – I say through my tears and smile. I've always been a bit emotional and I guess her words got to my sensitive side. "You're amazing…do you know that?"

"No, I am not. Stop crying, honey. Come on, smile for me. Smile. Smile. Smile" – She keeps going on until I giggle a little and my tears subside.

"You. Are. Amazing" – I say again.

"Yeah, yeah. Now, have you calmed down?" – She sounds half worried, half amused.

"Yes, mother" – I tease and finally grin.

"We should go to sleep…it's quite late" – She says a bit sadly.

"I know, but I don't want to sleep without you" – My voice gets sadder too.

"I will be with you. In your dreams" – She says cheekily.

"Oh yes" – I say meaningful and she laughs.

"You are a little pervert, aren't you?" – She's too amused for my liking, but I let it pass for now.

"Yes, I am. So are you. We're a pair of cheeky perverts" – I laugh with her.

"Yes, we are. Now go to bed, baby" – She's got all badass and it's slightly disturbing, in a good way. I know what I'll be dreaming of tonight.

"Alright, boss. Sleep tight and I'll talk to you tomorrow, hon" – I say and kiss the phone loudly.

"Good night, my sweet girl" – She kisses me back and hangs up.

"Good night, baby" – I say, but she's already gone.

I stay a bit longer on the ground, just looking at the stars and thinking about Bar. She is amazing, this girl. She makes me feel happier and I'm not going to let her go easily.

.

Next morning I wake up with a smile on my face. I'm going to surprise my girl and that makes me excited. I hope she likes surprises. I get up and make a move towards a shower when I hear it's already running. I guess no hot shower this morning if Anna uses it. Kristin didn't sleep home and I have a big suspicion she spent the night with Omer.

I decide to choose what to wear when I wait for the shower. I open my drawer and find the red tank top and a small pair of shorts. It's still very hot outside, so I think this outfit is quite appropriate. Besides, I want her to drool when she sees me.

"This is what you're wearing?" – I hear Anna's voice from behind me and turn around to come face to face with her. Apparently, she's been looking over my shoulder.

"I know you're gay, Emily, but I am not. Get your face away from my boobs" –Her voice is amused and I want to punch her. I am shorter than her and it's only natural that now I'm looking at her chest. I growl at her and go to the shower.

When I'm done, I find the room empty and the clothes on my bed are different. I guess Anna decided I'm going in a dress today. It's a sleeveless blue dress that hugs me nicely around the waist. It's quite short too, so my plan to see Bar drooling is probably going to actually happen not only in my dreams. I smile and get dressed.

When I get outside I see Anna sitting on Tal's lap in my shorts and tank top. So that's why I didn't get a chance to wear them.

"These are mine" – I state the fact, which does nothing to her.

"Yeah, and…?" – She asks innocently. Tal's hands are under the top and I really don't want to know where else have they been already.

"Nothing. When are we going?" – I roll my eyes at her, but decide to let it go. I really want to get going right in this moment.

"Soon. Don't you want to eat something before?" – He says and by the glint in his eyes I can see he doesn't mean food.

"Yeah, I do. But I have to get to my food first" – I stick my tongue at him and he just chuckles. "Can't we get breakfast on our way?"

"Yeah, we can…I know the perfect place, actually" – He's already pushing Anna unceremoniously off his lap and goes to the car. I check that I've got my phone and money and go after him.

.

An hour later we're pulling out of the traffic to a side road and I'm grateful when I see a small restaurant few minutes later. I need to use a bathroom and my legs are pretty numb from sitting in the back. Anna and Tal decided to use all the free space with their seats and even though I've got shorter legs, I still felt like I've been pushed right inside my seat. I couldn't even say anything, because the music was so loud and Anna's bad singing even louder.

I get out of the car while Tal and Anna decide to go for a short make-out session. This place smells good, like pancakes. My stomach grumbles when I get inside, looking for a bathroom. I hope my lovely couple will be done by when I get out. I'm glad to find out they really did and are sitting on the table near the window, waiting for me. I sit down and take the menu. Everything's in Hebrew, so I let Tal decide for me.

"This place's called Pancake House and they make absolutely delicious natural syrups" – He says and my stomach grumbles louder at that.

"Do they have blueberry syrup?" – I ask hopefully. This has been my favourite syrup since childhood.

"Of course they do. You want pancakes with blueberry syrup then? What do you want to drink?" – The waiter is waiting for our orders, looking pretty impatient.

"Yes, and I'll have orange juice" – I say and Tal places the order.

Anna's strangely quiet, so I decide to tease her a little.

"Are these shorts too tight on you?" – I wink at her, but she doesn't budge. She still looks seriously lost in her head, her fingers playing absently with hair on Tal's arm.

"Anna?" – I ask again and she looks at me with confused eyes.

"Huh…?" – Now Tal's looking strangely at her and I feel lost. I have a high suspicion these two are hiding something from me.

"What's going on, guys?" – I ask and get a sharp look from Tal which shuts me up instantly. I don't have time to say anything else as our food is brought and we tuck in.'

"Oh my god, this is so good!" – My mouth is full of pancake, but I can't seem to stop shoving it in. It's definitely one of the best things I've ever eaten.

"Told you" – Tal's mouth is equally full, but it doesn't stop him from grinning at me.

"You're repulsive" – I giggle and shove more pancakes in my mouth. He shows me his tongue and continues eating. I notice that Anna barely touched her food. This doesn't look good. I decide to talk to her, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Very soon we're done with our breakfast and I'm very full. When I get into the car, I just crawl to the back seat and decide to have a nap. We have at least two more hours of driving, so it seems to be a perfect way to pass them.

I wake up in what seems to me like ten minutes because the car had stopped. I look through the window and see desert. I look to another side and see Tal and Anna standing at the entry to a base with a soldier. They're talking for a bit and then the soldier goes back inside the base. Tal and Anna move towards the car and I get out to stretch my limbs. Sleeping in the car never was my favourite thing to do.

"Is this her base?" – I ask Tal when they're getting closer.

"Yeah" – He nods. – "The guy went to get her. But we didn't tell him about you, so get back in the car and surprise your girl"

I do what I'm told and wait patiently for Bar to get here. It takes some time, but in about ten minutes I hear unmistakable voice of the girl I've grown to like so much. She sounds a bit pissed, to be honest. I can't understand a word, because she's speaking Hebrew, but I can understand from her tone that she's scolding Tal for coming without asking. He sounds pretty cool, laughing and being his regular self.

When I hear a door opening, I turn my head towards it and come face to face with my lover.

"Surprise!" – I yell in her face and kiss her nose before she registers it's me.

"Wha…? What are you doing here?" – She seems confused, but her eyes gleam. She backs away a bit and I get out to give a hug to my girl. She clings to me like there's no tomorrow and I cling right back.

"I've missed you, so I came" – I state a simple fact and suddenly I can feel hot tears on my shoulder. I pull out from the hug a little and see her smiling and crying at the same time. – "Why are you crying, baby?"

"I'm so happy to see you, to hold you, to be able to kiss you…" – She trails off and finally kisses me properly. Her lips are salty with tears, but she's smiling into the kiss and clings even closer to me. I forget completely where I am, who I am with and what I'm doing here. I'm lost in the soft taste of Bar's lips, lost in her hands that hold me strongly. Lost in the world that's all Bar. Eternity passes and we finally break for so much needed breath. Her green eyes look lovingly into my own and I feel like it's my turn to cry. She has so much emotion in these eyes that it makes me cling even harder to her slender form.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" – She's kissing my eyes, my nose, my cheeks. She doesn't seem to be able to take her lips off me and I'm not going to complain. It feels great to be appreciated and loved.

"What are you thanking me for?" – I ask with a smile after she stops pestering my face with kisses.

"I don't know" – She blushes and my smile grows. "Just thank you for being here"

"Always, baby" – I kiss her lips lightly.

"Aww you two are sickly cute" – I hear Anna's teasing voice and turn around in my lovers arms to look at her. She hugs me from behind and puts her head on my shoulder.

"Look who's talking" – Bar jokes and chuckles slightly. This laugh goes through my body and I feel a warm feeling spreading in my veins. This girl makes me feel things I thought I'd never feel again.

"What do we do now then?" – I ask everybody, because sitting in the car in the middle of the desert doesn't seem too appealing to me, even if it is with my girl.

"I have to ask my boss, but I think I can get away from the base for few hours. We could go to the city to eat something and there decide what we want to do?" – Bar suggests and we all agree. She runs off to talk to her boss, but not after giving me a lingering kiss behind my ear, which makes my knee feel weak.

"I think we'll have to get you two a room for few hours" – Tal teases and I blush furiously.

"I don't think we're going to have time" – I say, avoiding his amused stare. – "Also, I think you two are going to need it more"

I look directly in his eyes and he just winks at me, but I see Anna from the corner of my eye and she doesn't look happy. I don't have much time to ponder over it, because in few moments soft hands circle my waist and I forget everything but her.

"I'm free until nine which gives us seven hours to spend together. Let's not waste them, yeah?" – She says and tugs me towards the car.

"We'll be a few minutes, alright?" – Anna says and looks expectantly at Tal.

I nod and go to the car with Bar on my heels. I get into the back seat, but before I get comfortable I find a Bar on my lap, straddling me.

"Oh…" – Is the only thing I manage to say before her lips are on mine and her hands are under the hem of my dress. My brain shuts up and I respond eagerly to the kiss. Her hands leave hot trails on my thighs, moving up with each passing second. Suddenly I'm so hot, I have a great need to get my clothes off. I don't get to do that, because we're mindlessly interrupted by the other couple that gets inside the car.

"Told you they need a room" – Tal says to Anna, but I flip him off and show him a finger, not leaving Bar's magnificent lips for a second.

"Drive" – Bar mumbles when we pull out for air and attacks my lips one more time. I don't mind, even though there's a nagging voice in the corner of my brain telling me we're being very rude. I couldn't care less in that moment, because these lips have my whole attention and they're just so delicious!

"Alright" – I vaguely hear Tal say and tune him out completely. My hands slide into back pockets of Bar's army pants and squeeze a little. That gets a desirable reaction from Bar. She moans and bites my bottom lip.

"We should stop" – She pulls from me a little and I pout. I miss the closeness.

"Maybe we should…" – I say and kiss her neck.

"Oh fuck…no, stop" – She grunts and gets further away, so I could not get to her neck. I pout even harder and she laughs at the look on my face. – "If we don't stop, I'll fuck you right here in this car in front of the crowd"

"Which I would really appreciate" – I hear Tal say and look at the rear mirror to see a shit-eating grin on his face. My face turns crimson and I hide it in Bar's chest. Of course, I get my nose exactly in her tits which doesn't help situation.

I push Bar slightly from my lap and she settles near me, cuddling into my side. I kiss her forehead and smile.

"You are a total perv, Tal" – I tease him and his grin grows wider.

"So, where are we going?" – I am growing curious when we're getting closer to a town. It looks like an oasis in the desert, which it kind of is. With the first houses the desert turns into a green area with trees, flowers and grass everywhere. This transition is quite beautiful to watch.

"Well, there is a small coffee shop I'd like to show you and then you and I are going to a park. Alone" – She says and sticks her tongue out at Tal. He just winks at her through the rear mirror and keeps driving.

"Nice plan" – I approve and lace our fingers together.

The coffee shop looks really small, but it's full of visitors. First thing I notice that most of visitors are women. Lesbian women, to be exact. I look expectantly at Bar and she explain that it's a gay coffee shop owned by a lesbian couple. Hence the audience.

"Very nice" – I grin and look around. I see Bar saying hellos to some women and going to the only vacant table. We all sit down and take menus from a waitress, whom Bar's familiar with also, of course. I feel a little stab of jealousy in my abdomen, but push it away. I don't need it right now and I know there's nothing to be jealous about.

After the lunch Bar and I decide to go our separate way, finally. I want to be alone with her and I want her to be mine. I've had enough of green-eyed monster for today, I want my green-eyed angel to make it all better. We agree to meet Tal and Anna at the same coffee shop in four hours and leave. Bar takes me to a large park that's pretty empty at this time of a day. It is quite hot right now, but I couldn't care less. We walk in a comfortable silence hand in hand towards wherever my girl decided to take me. We end up on the enclosed bench where nobody can see us. I didn't even know there was something inside those trees. We can see perfectly well from the bench, but can't be seen. This information is all I need to kiss my girl fiercely and forget about being scared to get caught up. She kisses back as fiercely and tugs on my dress to get it off. I guess this is not a time for a slow lovemaking and I let myself go completely. I feel her tongue on my collarbone, her hands on my thighs opening my legs and I lose myself in her touch. It doesn't take long for me to get to my peak and very soon I'm ready to scream her name. She can feel it and muffles my cry with a kiss. When I calm down, I pull her towards me for a cuddle.

"That was…wow" – I say still short of breath.

"Yeah…I've missed that" – She kisses my neck and cuddles me closer to her.

"You are so hot" – I already feel my desire for her rise back up.

"You are not so bad yourself" – She giggles and kisses me slowly.

.

Few hours pass like a blur and very soon we need to head back to the coffee shop. We couldn't get our hands off each other for last few hours and it shows. I brush off my clothes and try to make myself more presentable, but it's no use. Everybody's going to know what we've been up to this afternoon. Do I care? Not even a little.

We go back to the coffee shop and sure enough Tal and Anna start laughing as soon as they see us. I scoff at them, but I'm not really angry. We have dinner and drive Bar back to her base. I can't seem to be able to let go of her and cling like it's a last time I see her. She promises she'll be home next weekend and I finally let go. She kisses me one last time and goes off. That's when all my emotions get out and I start crying. Tal places his hand around me and lets me cry into his shoulder.

"It'll be fine" – He tries to console me, but there's no use. I just need to cry it out.

Few moments later I calm down and pull myself together.

"I'm fine" – I say and go to the car. –"Let's go, tomorrow is a work day"

Tal shrugs and goes after me, Anna follows him closely.

When we're half an hour into our journey back home, I receive a message from Bar.

_Thank you for everything. I love you, motek Xxx_

I smile and write a reply.

_I know __ Xxx_


End file.
